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The Yankees’ Nightmare Season Is Over

The Yankees still have 49 games left, but after getting swept by the White Sox, their season is over.

I kept watching the Yankees-White Sox game on Monday night until the end the same way that I watched You Don’t Mess with the Zohan, Funny People and Five-Year Engagement until the end.

I kept watching the Yankees-White Sox game on Tuesday night as the Yankees strung me along long enough to watch them lose a 1-0 lead as Hiroki Kuroda proved to be human before the offense left me with a case of Yankee blue balls following a failed comeback attempt in the ninth.

I kept watching the Yankees-White Sox game on Wednesday night as CC Sabathia let another lead dwindle because Joe Girardi gave him the chance to let it dwindle before Number 42 blew the lead and the game with the White Sox down to their final strike before Adam “Automatic Extra-Inning Loss” Warren blew the lead and the game three innings later with the White Sox down to their final strike again.

I kept watching these games because I thought the Yankees could get back on track in Chicago before returning home to play 11 of their next 14 games in Yankee Stadium. I thought this because I’m an a-hole.

When the Yankees left for their eight-game road trip last week I wanted at least a 5-3 record after their stops in Los Angeles, San Diego and Chicago. When they left Los Angeles after splitting the two-game series with the Dodgers, I wanted at least four wins in the six games against the Padres and White Sox. When they left San Diego after dropping two of three to the Padres, I wanted a sweep of the White Sox. When they lost the first game of the series to the White Sox, I wanted the next two. When they lost the second game of the series, I didn’t want the last one … I had to have the last one. When they lost the last one, I realized the season is over.

After starting the season 30-18, the Yankees are 27-38 since and have strung us along long enough to think that if the injury bug would take just a 15-minute break from destroying the season that the Yankees could put together some kind of run like the Rays, Royals and Dodgers have put together to turn their seasons around. But the injury bug hasn’t stopped since Curtis Granderson went down in his first at-bat in spring training and on top of the injuries to Granderson, Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, Mark Teixeira, Kevin Youkilis, Francisco Cervelli, Eduardo Nunez and Jayson Nix (I only added in the last two names to show how deep it’s gone and not because they bring much value to the team), the guys who have been healthy might as well have been hurt this whole time.

CC Sabathia has won once since June 22 despite being the “ace” of the staff and making $676,470.59 per start and $23 million this season. He leads the league in hits and earned runs and could finish under .500 for the first time in his 13-year career and will most likely post the highest ERA of his career.

Andy Pettitte has been every bit as bad as a 41-year-old starter should be and might finish under .500 for the first time in his 18-year career with the highest ERA of his career. (Hopefully his family won’t let him leave Texas this winter when it comes time to deciding if he wants to be at home or in the majors.)

Phil Hughes has continued to prove that if you’re a first-round pick you will be given unlimited chances to prove that the scouting department didn’t screw up when they touted you as a No. 1/No. 2 starter. He has a 4-10 record for a team that’s above .500 (but might not be after this weekend), has won one game since June 6 and just nine of his 21 starts have been quality starts. Over the last three years he’s been every bit as bad as A.J. Burnett was during his three years with the Yankees and if he had a five-year, $82.5 million contract he would be equally as hated.

Robinson Cano has looked anything but a guy who was supposed to carry an injury-plagued team or a guy that is supposed to be the face of the franchise for the future or a guy who is in a contract year and looking to be paid a nine-figure salary. On Wednesday night, Cano hit his first home run since July 10 and he’s 14-for-67 (.209) with six RBIs in the 18 games since the All-Star break. It’s no coincidence the Yankees are 6-12 since the All-Star break.

Despite 60 percent of the rotation being atrocious, and another 20 percent of it (Ivan Nova) only pitching well since June 23, and the Yankees’ only reliable offensive threat taking weeks off at a time in Cano, I still thought if the Yankees could tread water they would be fine. I pretended like the season would last forever and Game 162 wouldn’t come until the Yankees had clinched a playoff berth even as the losses piled up and Joe Girardi sat back and lost games with Mariano Rivera still sitting in the bullpen. (He must be saving his arm for 2014.) It wasn’t until the 10th inning on Wednesday night in Chicago that Girardi showed urgency for the first time in 2013 by asking Rivera to pitch a second inning. But last Tuesday in Los Angeles, Girardi chose not to use David Robertson for a second inning after Robertson threw just nine pitches in the eighth. Instead, Girardi brought in Shawn Kelley and four batters later the game was over. I guess that game against the Dodgers eight days prior to last night’s game was just not as important and didn’t count as much in the standings.

I also thought Jeter and A-Rod and Granderson would come back and provide a boost and that Sabathia, Pettitte and Hughes couldn’t suck forever. (Well, at least Sabathia and Pettitte.) And that’s right, I thought 38-year-old A-Rod, who’s coming off a second major hip surgery in four calendar years and who hasn’t hit a home run in the majors since Sept. 14, 2012, including the playoffs, and who has just one extra-base hit (a double against the Red Sox on Oct. 3) since then, including the playoffs, could be part of the solution to saving the Yankees. (Now would be a good time for Stevie Janowski to ask me who the eff I am for thinking that A-Rod could turn around the Yankees season at a time of desperation.) Part of this was because I remembered the last time A-Rod returned from a hip surgery and PED attention in 2009 when he turned the Yankees season around and carried them to their World Series win. (The 2009 Yankees were 21-17 (.552) without A-Rod and 82-42 (.661) with him in the lineup.) And the other part of it was that even if A-Rod came back and was as bad as he was in the 2012 postseason, he would still be better than David Adams, Luis Cruz, Alberto Gonzalez, Brent Lillibridge, Jayson Nix and Eduardo Nunez. But like the girl who looks attractive among her group of friends only because her friends aren’t attractive, A-Rod was never going to save the Yankees like he did four years ago. And that’s without me factoring in the negative attention focused on him for his 211-game suspension and now his appeal and the fact that he’s A-Rod and just about everyone in Major League Baseball wants a piece of him at this point the way everybody wanted a piece of Frank Lucas in in American Gangster when Richie Roberts told him, “I got a line of people wanting to testify that stretches out the door and around the block … and the only thing they hate more than you is what you represent.”

The Yankees have 49 games left. At 11 games behind the Red Sox and 9 1/2 behind the Rays, the division is out of the question and has been for a while. If the Red Sox (70-46) play .500 baseball and go 23-23 to finish the season, the Yankees (57-56) will need to go 36-13 just to tie them. But the Red Sox aren’t going to play .500 baseball and the Yankees, who haven’t won back-to-back games since July 11 and 12, sure as eff aren’t going to play .667 baseball.

And if you think the second wild card is an option (with the first wild card going to the Red Sox or Rays), think again with the Rangers holding a seven-game lead over the Yankees and with the Orioles, Indians and Royals all ahead of the Yankees.

I thought the 2008 Yankees gave me the worst summer of baseball imaginable when they became the first Yankees team to not make the playoffs since 1993 and closed out the Stadium with a meaningless September game against the Orioles. But despite the disabled list ruining most of that season and Darrell Rasner and Sidney Ponson ruining the rest of it, at least that team won 89 games, which was enough to win the AL Central that season and would have been enough for a wild-card berth in today’s postseason format. The 2013 Yankees have been worse and will need to go 32-17 to match the 2008 Yankees’ record and even then they will still end up closing out Mariano Rivera’s career the way they closed the old Stadium.

Yogi Berra once said, “It ain’t over ’til it’s over.” But Yogi didn’t have to catch Sabathia, Pettitte or Hughes and he didn’t have to play with Lyle Overbay, Vernon Wells, Eduardo Nunez or Jayson Nix.

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Yankees-Red Sox Weekend Diary

The offense couldn’t score, CC Sabathia blew another lead and the Yankees lost another series to the Red Sox.

“No lead is safe at Fenway Park.” I have been told that my whole life and my whole life I have believed that theory because I have seen insurmountable deficits erased and mind-blowing, late-inning events unravel. But the same way I wrote that “The two-goal lead is the worst lead in hockey unless that two-goal lead is against the Rangers,” well, “No lead is safe at Fenway Park unless that lead is against the 2013 Yankees.”

This weekend at Fenway Park, the Yankees trailed on Friday and Sunday and lost on Friday and Sunday. In the middle game of the series, they were able to hold on to a 4-0 lead because CC Sabathia didn’t pitch. The Yankees failed to hit a home run in three games and 29 innings and the “second half” of the season started off the way the “first half” of the season ended last week in the Bronx. And instead of chipping away at the Red Sox’ six-game lead over the Yankees, the Yankees extended the lead to seven games with 64 games left.

I decided to go to the diary format that I used for the Yankees-Red Sox series over the final weekend in July last season. So once again, just pretend like you’re reading this in one of those black-and-white Mead composition notebooks.

FRIDAY
I’m not sure how much longer I can take lineups like this one in the first game of the series:

Brett Gardner, CF
Ichiro Suzuki, RF
Robinson Cano, 2B
Vernon Wells, DH
Zoilo Almonte, LF
Lyle Overbay, 1B
Brent Lillibridge, 3B
Eduardo Nunez, SS
Chris Stewart, C

That lineup is an advertisement for two runs and that’s what the Yankees scored against the marginally-successful Felix Doubront because Doubront uses his left arm to pitch.

But Friday night went the way most games have gone for the Makeshift Yankees. They fall into an early hole, scratch together a few runs to keep you watching before giving up a late run to put the game out of reach and leave you stranded with Yankee blue balls.

SATURDAY
Where would the Yankees be without Hiroki Kuroda right now? The answer is a very dark place.

Kuroda has been the team’s MVP through 98 games, going 9-6 with a 2.65 ERA. But the sad thing is Kuroda should have at least five more wins. Here are Kuroda’s lines for his five no-decisions:

April 20 at TOR: 7.1 IP, 3 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB 7 K

May 28 at NYM: 7 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 0 BB, 7 K

June 13 at OAK: 8 IP, 2 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 3 K

June 25 vs. TEX: 6.2 IP, 5 H, 3 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 6 K

July 7 vs. BAL: 7 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 1 BB, 4 K

In those five games, the Yankees scored 13 runs combined and went 2-3.

Yes, I did give Kuroda the nickname of “Coin Flip” last season because you didn’t know which Kuroda would show up from start to start. (I apologized for that.) But now Kuroda is the only non-coin flip on the team and has taken over the role of “ace” from CC Sabathia.

Seven innings of two runs or less from the starter then David Robertson then Mariano Rivera. That’s how the Yankees have to win. That’s the only way they can win.

It’s nice that Red Sox fans think John Lackey is worth $16.5 million because he’s 7-7 with a 2.95 ERA, but when you’re giving up 10 hits in 6 1/3 innings against the Makeshift Yankees it’s never a good thing.

Yes, it’s the best Lackey has looked since he signed with Boston, but his first half numbers are somewhat misleading. Let’s not forget that his wins have come against the Astros, Twins, Indians, Orioles, Rockies, Padres and A’s. And his losses have come against the Blue Jays, Rangers, Twins, Rays, Phillies, Angels and Yankees.

So no, I’m still not scared of John Lackey just like I wasn’t when he was an Angel.

I thought the Chris Stewart dive into the stands, which turned into a double play, might be the play that turned the Yankees season around if they were able to hold on (which they did) and then win on Sunday and go on some sort of run. But then this happened…

SUNDAY
“I suck.”

That’s what the Yankees’ “ace” said after his Sunday night performance.

“It’s embarrassing. I’ll just try to get through it. Figure something out and try to stop hurting this team and (start) helping.”

It is embarrassing and it’s reassuring that the $676,000-per-start “ace” is going to “try to get through it.” That’s nice of you, CC. I appreciate you trying to be better at your job.

Some people will say how refreshing it is to see Sabathia hold himself accountable for his loss by taking the blame for every Yankee fan who struggled to get through work on Monday because of a lack of sleep. But anyone (beat writers, cough, cough) that praises Sabathia for his actions should be embarrassed because who else would take the blame for blowing a 3-0 lead in three minutes and giving up home runs on fastballs to pure fastball hitters in Mike Napoli and Johnny Gomes? Lyle Overbay? Luis Cruz? Brent Lillibridge?

CC is the only person to blame for Sunday night’s loss. He’s supposed to be the best Yankees’ best pitcher and if Phil Hughes, early-season Ivan Nova and 2008 Andy Pettitte Part II weren’t on this team, he would easily be their worst as of now. He’s won once in the last month (July 3 at Minnesota) and only 10 of his 21 starts this year have been quality starts. His start last Sunday before the All-Star break was part of the biggest Yankees home embarrassment since Opening Day 2009 (which he also started) and his start on Sunday night was an atrocity. He can’t hold a lead and he can’t keep the ball in the park and right now he can’t be trusted when the Yankees need him the most.

That’s why while Lyle Overbay’s two double plays and Joe Girardi’s decision to leave Number 42 in the bullpen because of a stat were all as painful to watch as Five-Year Engagement, all of the blame falls on CC Sabathia, who failed to do his job again and failed to do it in Boston again.

Forget “No lead is safe at Fenway Park.” No lead is safe with CC Sabathia.

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Yankees-Red Sox Rivalry Back in Boston

The first meaningful Yankees-Red Sox series in Boston in over a year calls for an email exchange with Mike Hurley.

It’s July 19 and the Yankees are in Boston for the first time this season for Games 96, 97 and 98. So good job, MLB schedulers! You nailed this one!

But it’s not only the first time the Yankees are in Boston for the first time this season, it’s all the first time a Yankees-Red Sox series in Boston has meant something since July 2012 and you can argue it’s been longer than that. And with a Yankees-Red Sox series comes the mandatory email exchange with Mike Hurley from CBS Boston.

Keefe: Is that you? Is that really you, Mike Hurley? (Or Michael F. Hurley as your Twitter handle suggests.) It’s been a while. Actually it’s been a really long time. It’s been two months to the day since we last did one of these. Back then the Rangers and Bruins were about to start their Eastern Conference semifinals series, the Knicks were about to play Game 5 against the Pacers and the Yankees had a one-game lead in the AL East. Since then, the Rangers were embarrassed by the Bruins in five games, the Knicks were eliminated two nights later and the Yankees are now six games out of first place in the AL East. So things have been going great over the last 61 days! Thanks for asking!

But I’m not emailing you to rehash what happened to the Rangers against the Bruins and I’m certainly not emailing you to talk about basketball. That leaves us with baseball where the Makeshift Yankees have put together a run to be proud of when you consider Lyle Overbay, Vernon Wells, Travis Hafner, Luis Cruz, Alberto Gonzalez, Chris Stewart, Austin Romine, Zoilo Almonte.

This winter, even without A-Rod, it looked like the Yankees lineup would look something like this:

Derek Jeter, SS
Ichiro Suzuki, RF
Robinson Cano, 2B
Mark Teixeira, 1B
Curtis Granderson, LF
Kevin Youkilis, 3B
Travis Hafner, DH
Francisco Cervelli,
Brett Gardner, CF

But that has been the lineup for zero games this season. Instead here is a list of the players that have the most plate appearances for each position:

C – Chris Stewart
1B – Lyle Overbay
2B – Robinson Cano
3B – David Adams
SS – Jayson Nix
LF – Vernon Wells
CF – Brett Gardner
RF – Ichiro Suzuki
DH – Travis Hafner

And here are the other players that have gotten at least one at-bat with the Yankees:

Brennan Boesch, Ben Francisco, Luis Cruz, Reid Brignac, Chris Nelson, Alberto Gonzalez, Thomas Neal, Corban Joseph and Travis Ishikawa.

I didn’t even put Eduardo Nunez, Zoilo Almonte or Austin Romine on that list because they represent the top-tier of Makeshift Yankees.

But don’t worry, I’m doing fine! Everything’s going well!

How’s your summer?

Hurley: Hey, Thomas Neal is a friend of mine, good guy, we used to work the Saturday night shift at the liquor store down the street. I’m glad to see he made the Yankees this year. Good for him.

My summer? My summer is confusing. I didn’t think the Red Sox were going to be terrible this year, but I definitely didn’t expect them to sit 58-39 at the all-star break, looking like a legitimate playoff team. In April, I hardly gave it much attention, figuring they’d level out at some point. Yet they rebounded from a .500 May to maintain their spot in first place for months. It makes no sense, really.

Consider that through 97 games, the Red Sox have 58 wins. Through the same number of games in 2007, when they were the best team in baseball, they had the exact same record — 58-39. Um, huh?

It’s been pretty impressive, and frankly it’s giving this summer an unexpected boost. I was sort of anticipating a mediocre Red Sox team playing out the string, waiting for a decent but not great Patriots team to kick off their season in September. Instead, thinking about the playoffs is something that non-crazy people are allowed to do. And, the general population still hasn’t caught on, so tickets are still easy to come by for most games. Pretty cool if you ask me.

Hold on, I’ll be right back. Corban Joseph just showed up at my door with my pizza.

Keefe: I hope you tipped him well.

In the offseason, we laughed about the Red Sox rotation after Jon Lester citing Ryan Dempster pitching in the AL, Clay Buchholz’s constant injuries and decline in results over the last few seasons, John Lackey’s awfulness and Felix Doubront being in experienced.

Despite the Red Sox’ record, we weren’t that far off.

Jon Lester hasn’t been good (and hasn’t been since pre-2011 collapse). Ryan Dempster has pitched the way everyone thought “Ryan Dempster in the AL” would pitch. Clay Buchholz got off to an All-Star start, but hasn’t started since June 8. That leaves us with John Lackey, who is having his best season since 2007 and has actually been better than that and Felix Doubront, who has been much better than last year, but hasn’t been anything special.

So if we weren’t that far off, how are the Red Sox in first place in the best division in baseball?

Hurley: Despite you saying so (based on nothing except for your desire to just say it), we actually were pretty far off.

If you can have just five guys make most of your starts, it means you’re in a pretty good spot. And the Red Sox have gotten 86 percent of their starts from those five guys. Buchholz was exceptional for two months, and John Lackey has defied all odds by losing 300 pounds and pitching well, but the rotation as a whole has just simply been consistent and better than you want to give them credit for. The starters’ 3.82 ERA is the second-best mark in the AL, and they’ve gotten 582.1 innings out of their starters, just 3.1 innings fewer than league-leading Detroit. Boston’s starters are second in the AL in strikeouts, too, with Dempster — Dempster! — leading the way with 104 and Lester just behind with 103.

I get your confusion, because when you look at the guys individually, it doesn’t look good. Lester is 8-6 with a 4.58 ERA, Dempster is 5-8 with a 4.24, and Buchholz has joined the witness protection program because — 🙁 — his neck is sore. But collectively, they’ve done the work necessary to keep the Red Sox in just about every game they play. And when you lead all of baseball in runs scored by a huge margin, it always makes the pitching staff look a little bit better.

Keefe: I know that hockey season in Boston just ended like 15 minutes ago and you have a terrible memory anyway, so we’ll let it go, but we did talk about it.

After the magical month that was September 2011, I was treated to the hire of Bobby Valentine and everything that came with the 2012 Boston Red Sox and hoped it would last a lifetime. But here we are at the All-Star break and the Red Sox are right back to where they were in August 2011 thanks to being able to dump their trash on the Dodgers by throwing Snickers wrappers and newspapers and spray painting “The Red Sox were here.” If that trade in August 2012 doesn’t happen, we’re probably still talking about Josh Beckett’s off days and Adrian Gonzalez’s lack of accountability for anything. Instead the Red Sox are in first place and it’s like they got a mulligan for all of their bad decisions and were freed of their clubhouse cancers. It’s bullshit.

Did that trade change the Red Sox back to their pre-September 2011 ways or are guys just performing better after the atrocity that was last season?

Hurley: Are you saying that the Red Sox f’d the Dodgers’ whole a-hole up? That’s a bold call, Larry.

That ridiculously lopsided trade was the most bizarre thing I’ve ever seen. Everyone — locally in L.A. and nationally in places like SportsCenter and Sports Illustrated — rushed to praise the Dodgers for “proving they were committed to winning!” Meanwhile, everyone in Boston was just like, “Wait, for real? What’s the catch? Don’t those people know that Josh Beckett is just the worrrrssssttt???

But that’s not the only reason the Red Sox are playing so much better. It cannot be overstated how much of a poison Bobby Valentine was to this team. From everything I’ve heard from behind the scenes, the guy was every bit the clown he looked to be publicly and then some. Publicly, we got little snippets of it, like the time he didn’t know whether the opposing starter was a righty or lefty and had to be told by Jarrod Saltalamacchia that the lineup was wrong. Stuff like that was a common occurrence with that goober in charge, and frankly I’m a little surprised the athletic department of Sacred Heart hasn’t completely crumbled yet.

So getting rid of him was huge in that players’ spirits weren’t completely broken down upon their arrival at the ballpark every night. Ben Cherington, who’s still hard to really read or evaluate to this point, also made a few small but key additions. Shane Victorino, much to my surprise, has been pretty awesome filling a spot in the top of the lineup that’s been vacant for years. Mike Napoli signed on for $39 million, only to be told his hip was so bad that he’d only be getting $5 million, and he’s been a pretty solid, reliable addition to the middle of the order, despite all the strikeouts.

Add in Ortiz, Pedroia and Ellsbury all pretty much playing like you’d expect them to, and it’s easy enough to see how it’s all working. The Dodgers, committed to winning, are one game under .500 since taking on all of the Red Sox’ dead weight. Thanks, L.A., you’re the best!

Keefe: Shane Victorino’s playing? And Mike Napoli? And David Ortiz? And Dustin Pedroia? And Jacoby Ellsbury? Wow, that must be nice. I guess you’re feeling the way I would feel if Derek Jeter, Mark Teixeira, Curtis Granderson, Alex Rodriguez, Kevin Youkilis and Francisco Cervelli (yes, Francisco Cervelli) were playing. But they’re not and we’re stuck with the names I gave you earlier.

Things aren’t getting any better either as Derek Jeter will start the second half on the disabled list retroactive to when he injured his quad in his first game back since the Game 1 of the ALCS. But A-Rod is coming back on Monday night in Texas, if he isn’t given a 150-game suspension or banned from the game Pete Rose style, so at least we’re getting back our 38-year-old $29 million singles hitter!

The weird thing is I still believe in the Yankees. Not the Makeshift Yankees. But the real Yankees, when and if they ever come back. I think it’s a miracle this team has the record it does and is in the position its in despite having everyone short of you playing for them this season.

If I believe in the 51-44 Yankees who are six games back in the division then you must really believe in the Red Sox for the first time in 23 months. Do you believe in the Red Sox or do you miss the days of 2012 when Bobby Valentine was being praised for building a fence, fans were wearing paper bags over their heads and tickets to Fenway Park cost less than a single T Fare?

Hurley: It’s weird here. On the one hand, seeing this team compete like this has been a pretty fun, refreshing change of pace. Don’t get me wrong, last year was hilarious, and it was fun to watch, but only in the way watching awful reality television is entertaining. (Speaking of which, I can’t believe Bob Valentine doesn’t have his own reality show.) This year’s team has done enough to prove to me that they’re for real.

The problem with the Red Sox is, like you, I’m not counting out the Yankees, and you can’t count out the Orioles or the Rays. All of this positivity for the Red Sox could end up leaving them at the end of the season with the same playoff prospects as last year. It’s a pretty ridiculous race in the AL East right now, but hey, thank goodness some crappy team from the NL West will by default be given a free pass to the divisional round while a much more qualified team in the AL East (or perhaps two teams) will be forced to put its season on the line in a three-hour exhibition that will wipe out the work done over the previous six months! Wahoo!

With the reality of a one-game playoff, how can you ever feel good about your team’s chances when it’s involved in a tight divisional race? An idiot umpire could botch an infield-fly call and allow a team that won six fewer games than you to advance to the divisional round while you go home for the winter.

I guess my point is that baseball is stupid.

Keefe: You still haven’t come around on the one-game playoff? OK, good because I haven’t either and I never will. But don’t forget what everyone says: Just win your division! It’s that easy!

I guess my optimism for the Yankees comes from the fact they still play the Red Sox 12 times, the Rays nine times and the Orioles seven times. And let’s not forget the Yankees have three games with the Padres and close the season with a three-game series in Houston. So if the season comes down to the final weekend, I will feel good knowing that the Yankees will play the Astros, but I will be worried about my emotional state if the Astros keep the Yankees out of the playoffs. Let’s hope the season doesn’t come down to the final three games.

As for this weekend, we get Andy Pettitte-Felix Doubront, Hiroki Kuroda-John Lackey and CC Sabathia-Jon Lester. So that means the Pettitte-Doubront game will be the 2-1 pitching duel and the Sunday Night Baseball matchup will be the 14-12, six-hour affair that leaves you owing all of next weekend to your wife for staying up until 2 a.m. to watch baseball on Sunday night and being too tired to do anything on Monday after work.

The Yankees are still very much alive, but they need to start putting together series wins like they did in April and May. What better place to start doing that than this weekend in Boston?

Hurley: D will be asleep before first pitch, because she’s better at life than you and I.

This is a fun series, though. For the first time in a while, I’m really excited about a series in Boston. I kind of feel like baseball’s back, though I do have this sort of guarded position. When things were as bad as they were last year, it still feels like this whole “winning” thing is a mirage. At the same time, if the Red Sox sweep the Yankees this weekend and crush your soul, I might be fully on board.

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‘I Will Be Back on Monday’

A-Rod will be back on Monday in Texas and he broke the news in an interview with Mike Francesa.

I don’t think Alex Rodriguez is a bad guy. I never have. I think he’s spent his entire time with the Yankees trying desperately to be someone he’s not and someone he thinks people want him to be. If anything, he’s a phony publicly because of this, but I don’t think he’s a bad guy like many.

Have I been frustrated with A-Rod the majority of the time since he became a Yankee in 2004? Yes. Have I wished they never traded for him and I could have continued to wear an Alfonso Soriano shirt? Yes. Have I wondered how he could continually put himself in a bad spot, setting himself up for disaster and inevitable backlash like a much more important Kevin Gilbride? Yes. Have I stayed awake at night wondering why the low-and-outside slider is his version of Mark Teixeira’s changeup in the dirt? Yes. Have I spent an unhealthy amount of time dreaming of him never playing another game with the Yankees and the organization somehow getting off the hook for his Hank Steinbrenner contract? Yes. Have I pretended that being in attendance for his 500th and 600th home runs means something and have hidden the fact that he admitted to using performance-enhancing drugs? Yes. Have I avoided the Biogenesis stories and reports the way A-Rod has avoided the questions he is asked about it? Yes. Have I erased his final three months of the 2012 season from my memory and think that when he returns we’ll be getting the A-Rod we got the last time he returned from hip surgery? Have I talked myself into believing that A-Rod will return and be a productive and powerful presence in the middle of the Yankees lineup? Yes.

Following Joe Girardi’s most important decision as manager of the Yankees to hit Raul Ibanez for A-Rod in Game 3 of the 2012 ALDS, I wrote the following about A-Rod.

The relationship between A-Rod and Yankee fans is a weird one. From the time he walks from the on-deck circle to the batter’s box with “Ni**as In Paris” playing, A-Rod is loved. The Stadium is full of applause and cheers in an attempt to will a home run or an extra-base hit or even just a single or a walk out of him. The fans want A-Rod to succeed. They want to have a reason to feel optimistic about him even if the 2009 playoffs should have bought him a lifetime of immunity. After that walk to the batter’s box, A-Rod has until the end of his plate appearance for the cheers to continue. If his at-bat ends well then he’s loved until his next at-bat. If it ends poorly he’s hated until his next at-bat. The perception of A-Rod as a Yankee is about life between at-bats and about him buying time between boos. In a game where failure is expected, he faces unrealistic expectations.

Well, on Monday in Texas, life between at-bats will begin again for A-Rod.

Whether you’re a Yankee fan that hates A-Rod and lives for the opportunities to boo him or you’re a Yankee fan with big enough balls to wear an A-Rod shirt or jersey and pretend like you’ve never heard of Yuri Sucart, right now it doesn’t matter. What matters right now is that David Adams (.190/.260/.276) has the most plate appearances for a Yankee at third base this season and managed to get 128 plate appearances because there was no one else to turn to. Well, there wasn’t anyone to turn to until the Yankees called up career .239 hitter Alberto Gonzalez and signed Luis Cruz, who was cut by the Dodgers for his .127/.175/.169 line in 45 games when the Dodgers weren’t even good.

Aside from Adams, Gonzalez and Cruz, Jayson Nix, Vernon Wells (!) and Kevin Youkilis have also played third base. That means most of the third base innings for the Yankees this season have come from a trio of players who, as I’m writing this could be sitting next to me and talking to me or could punch me in the face and I wouldn’t have any idea who they are. The 2013 Yankees have managed to turn the third base position into the pre-Jeter/A-Rod/Nomar days at shortshop (which baseball looks like it’s back to) and have essentially created two light-hitting positions on the left side of the infield with Jeter out and Eduardo Nunez showing less signs of power than the Boston Garden during the 1987-88 Stanley Cup.

The Yankees need A-Rod back and they really needed him back for Friday at Fenway, but we’ll settle for Monday in Arlington. A-Rod talked with Mike Francesa on Monday and with his return coming on Monday, let’s analyze some of A-Rod’s answers from the interview.

On what part of his game concerns him the most.

“I think lateral movement is probably the most challenging part, especially because it’s the hip and moving to your left is something that concerns me a little bit.”

What’s concerning about the lateral movement of a 38-year-old third baseman coming off a second major hip operation in four years? Lateral movement is overrated in the majors. Nothing to see here. Move along.

On if he will be able to play for the Yankees on Monday.

“If we have a good weekend, I will be in Texas.”

I don’t know if A-Rod is going to hit a home run on the first pitch he sees this season the way he did when he came back from hip surgery in 2009, which led to Michael Kay screaming in celebration in the same manner people who win the Powerball scream. But I do know that A-Rod or the Broken-Down A-Rod hitting fourth in the Yankees lineup (he better be hitting fourth) is a better option than Broken-Down Travis Hafner or Broken-Down Vernon Wells.

On if he feels like himself and being injured at the end of last year.

“I hit a ball yesterday and it was about a 93 or 94 mph fastball from a left-handed pitcher and I was able to drive it over the left-center field wall. And that’s something that I know for sure I couldn’t do in August, September or October, and by the way, I couldn’t even do that last week.”

I’m not sure that A-Rod would have been able to take a Freddy Garcia fastball out of the park in the postseason last year. But if A-Rod couldn’t handle a mid-90s fastball last week, how is he driving that same pitch over the left-center field wall this week? I’m going to chalk this up as him getting into “baseball shape” and his muscle memory returning and I’m not going to chalk it up as him texting Yuri for “something.”

On his relationship with the Yankees.

“I think over the last several weeks we’ve had good communication. We’ve had productive conversations. I think we all have the same goal to get back on the field, help the team win, and make a run out of this thing. I think the team has done a phenomenal job of keeping us right in the race.

I think A-Rod meant to say, “You mean how are things since Brian Cashman told me to ‘Shut the f-ck up?’ Things are great!”

Whenever someone says that two parties with a shaky past are having “good communication,” 100 percent of the time it means there is a mutual dislike or hatred.

On whether or not he had his reps make a deal with Major League Baseball.

“No, that’s not true. You heard Michael [Weiner] speak over the All-Star break. At this moment that’s all we can really discuss on the matter.”

The last time A-Rod was connected to performance-enhancing drugs, it ended with him holding a sitdown with Peter Gammons, in which he admitted to taking PEDs (but only in Texas, of course) and calling Selena Roberts a stalker. History suggests that A-Rod more than likely made some poor decisions in connection with the Biogenesis scandal, but let’s forget about that for now because who cares about potential 150-game suspensions or lifetime bans? A-Rod’s playing on Monday! Get excited!

On whether or not there is any deal with Major League Baseball.

“There’s no deal that I’ve instructed anyone to do at this point.”

I thought we were forgetting about all of this?

On if there’s anything wrong with him physically.

“I think the most concerning thing is I’m 38. I’m not 28. I’m no spring chicken. I have aches that I’ve never even knew, muscles in my body that (I didn’t know) I had.”

Was Mark Teixeira in the car whispering this answer into A-Rod’s ear? It sounds oddly familiar to the answer Teixeira gave the Wall Street Journal back in February before injuring his wrist and spending 2013 collecting $22.5 million while hanging out at home in Greenwich, Conn.

Thanks for the reminder about being 38 despite making $28 million this year, $25 million next year, $21 million in 2015, $20 million in 2016 and $20 million in 2017. I can’t wait to see 42-year-old A-Rod as the designated hitter or 42-year-old A-Rod signing memorabilia with Pete Rose in Las Vegas if Bud Selig gets his way.

On watching Derek Jeter get hurt after one game back this season.

“I do think that we have an opportunity here in the second half to get healthy and hopefully come back with a bang and give the fans of New York what they expect, and that’s a world championship-caliber team.”

Are you saying that a world championship team can’t have Luis Cruz or Alberto Gonzalez getting everyday player at-bats? Are you forgetting about the night Travis Ishikawa showed up to save the Yankees’ season?

On the Yankees’ struggling offense.

“I think the guys have done a great job. I think Joe deserves a lot of credit, our coaching staff deserves a lot of credit. I think we’re coming back at the right time and the good news is that it’s not just one guy, it’s going to be a handful of guys. And I think the time is right and I think we’re ready for that.”

A-Rod’s reasoning here is why I’m not already preparing myself for football and hockey season, but it’s also why I should probably be preparing myself for football and hockey season.

Normally, a six-game deficit would have me freaking out, throwing electronic devices and possibly crying. But this six-game deficit (five in the loss column for optimism) doesn’t feel like a six-game deficit because of who has played (and more importantly who hasn’t played) for the Yankees through 95 games. And it also doesn’t feel like one because the Yankees’ two-game losing streak (including Sunday’s loss, which was the most embarrassing Yankee loss since probably Opening Day in the Bronx in 2009) was delayed because of the All-Star break and it gave me time to collect my thoughts and think rationally and reasonably about the 2013 Yankees.

I love the optimism in A-Rod’s voice because I feel optimistic about the “second half” of the season too. But if the Yankees go down 2-0 in the first inning on Friday night in Boston, I’m sure that will change.

On if he had any doubts about making it back.

“Look, you always have doubts. If I could just sit here and tell you, ‘Yeah, it’s been just a colorful ride and it’s been a rainbow,’ I would be lying to you. There was very dark moments, challenging, some achy mornings. Every day, getting up really early, leaving the Tampa complex very late, doing cold tubs at night, doing hot tubs in the morning. It’s been a very challenging process.”

There has been nothing about A-Rod’s nine previous seasons in New York that could be considered “a colorful ride” or “a rainbow,” so I’m not sure why either of those things would be part of his vocabulary anymore.

I do feel bad that A-Rod had to go to work early and leave late and that he was taking cold baths and hanging out in hot tubs in Florida. That type of lifestyle must suck.

On no one believing he would be back with the Yankees.

“I will be back on Monday and I’m very excited.”

So am I.

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BlogsThe Joe Girardi Show

The Joe Girardi Show: Season 4, Episode 1

The Joe Girardi Show returns for a fourth season after the manager’s questionable lineup decision cost the Yankees.

The Yankees scored one run on Tuesday. They scored one run on Monday. They scored one run on Sunday. If they score one run (or less) on Wednesday night at the Stadium, I might finally go through with my threat to move to Europe and become a soccer fan.

Nine days ago I wrote about the “Final 14 Games” for the Yankees and how the 14 games against the Twins, Orioles and Royals would make or break the 2013 season and the Yankees responded by winning six in a row and nearly seven before a rare blown save from Number 42. But now that near-seventh win that turned into a ninth-inning loss has turned into a three-game losing streak with five games separating the Yankees and the All-Star Game (aka Mets fans’ World Series).

On top of the Yankees’ inability to score runs, Derek Jeter is ready to return to the majors and hasn’t yet because of this unnecessary need to have him play back-to-back full games.

Things are bad in the Bronx right now though it’s not burning just yet. But if the Yankees can’t find a way to win three of the last five games of the “first half” then we might have a five-alarm fire when the “second half” starts with the Yankees facing the Red Sox, Rangers, Rays and Dodgers to end July.

The “first half” is over in five games and I have yet to write an episode of The Joe Girardi Show. This has to do with Girardi actually doing a great job with the Makeshift Yankees through 90 games and it being extremely hard to get on Girardi or the Makeshift Yankees for underachieving of late (because are they really underachieving?) when they have overachieved all season. So while it might be long overdue, here’s the fourth season premiere with analysis of Girardi’s quotes from Tuesday night rather than me asking fake questions to Girardi.

“We’re going to have to score more runs. I believe they can do it.”

This quote shows that Girardi does understand that it’s going to be difficult to win games when you score just one run, even if your $23 million “ace,” making $676,470.59 per start can’t hold a lead or hold a No. 9 hitter with 215 career plate appearances and two career home runs entering Tuesday night in the park.

“Believe” is a strong word to use, especially if you’re the manager of the Yankees talking to the New York media and using the word to describe a lineup that aside from Robinson Cano (who is streaky and can’t really be trusted), Brett Gardner (who is every bit as streaky as Cano) and Ichiro Suzuki (who has transformed into streaky from consistent) is the worst contending lineup in the American League.

“Any time you get four hits in an inning, you think you’re going to get more than one run.”

James Shields has been called “Big Game James” throughout his career despite his 2-4 record and 4.98 ERA in six postseason starts, including two of the Rays’ three losses to the Red Sox in the 2008 ALCS. But on Tuesday night when the Yankees had Shields on the ropes with the bases loaded and one out and one run already in, they couldn’t score another run. Forget about trying to score the rest of the game as the Yankees would record just two more hits (both singles) the rest of the game.

“As I’m asked that question on a yearly basis, what you’re asking me to do is kind of put down the guys in that room and I’ll never do that.

Since you won’t, I will with the next quote and the following analysis …

“We have not scored a ton of runs all year long. As I said when we left spring training, we were going to have to win a lot of close games. We weren’t going to score the runs we probably did last year. And that’s what we’re going through.”

The Yankees have been shutout seven times. They have scored one run 11 times. They have scored two runs 11 times. They have scored three runs 15 times. That means in 44 of their 90 games (49 percent) they have scored three runs or less. A team that used to be on pace and challenge the 1,000-run mark is now averaging 3.9 runs per game and is on pace to score 630 runs this season, which would be the franchise’s lowest total since 1990 when they scored 630 runs (an average of 3.7 runs per game.).

Is Girardi responsible for the offensive slumps of the Makeshift Yankees and this current offensive drought? Of course not. But he’s not fully off the hook for this debacle either. Girardi has no one to blame for the Yankees’ one-run effort on Monday night after he posted this lineup in the Yankees clubhouse:

1. Brett Gardner, CF
2. Zoilo Almonte, LF
3. Robinson Cano, 2B
4. Travis Hafner, DH
5. Vernon Wells, RF
6. Travis Ishikawa, 1B
7. Luis Cruz, SS
8. Alberto Gonzalez, 3B
9. Austin Romine, C

The Yankees’ lone run didn’t come until Girardi had Lyle Overbay hit for Ishikawa in the seventh after the newest Yankee had struck out swinging twice in his debut and made Steve Pearce look like Babe Ruth at the plate. Ishikawa, Gonzalez and Romine combined to go 0-for-6 in the game and all three were replaced for offensive reasons before the game ended.

So if there was a chance that Ishikawa, Gonzalez and Romine could be hit for by Overybay, Ichiro and Chris Stewart respectively, then why was that trio ever allowed to start the game? Isn’t the purpose of a day off to actually get a day off? Did Girardi think he could steal a win from an actual Major League team with Phil Hughes on the mound and a lineup that recent Padres teams would laugh at?

This idea that Overbay needs rest is about as good of an idea as trying Eduardo Nunez at catcher. Overbay is 36 years old and is signed to a one-year, $1.25 million deal, which the Yankees made in beer sales from the bleachers alone before the third inning on Tuesday night. If Overbay breaks down or gets injured it doesn’t matter because he’s expendable and there is nothing at all invested in him. The Yankees should be riding him at first base until he does break down for the very reason that he’s only making $1.25 million and is worth nothing to them after 2013.

Ichiro also doesn’t need rest. He might be 39 years old, but he’s in better shape than just about every other player in the league and very well could be the most physically fit player of the 750 players in Major League Baseball. He played in all 162 games last year, 161 in 2011 and 162 in 2010. He has played at least 146 games every year of his career. He DOES NOT need days off.

It’s scary that the Yankees need Eduardo Nunez right now and they will continue to need him even after Jeter returns. But Nunez is no longer on the team to give Girardi a right-handed option off the bench or to give Jeter or A-Rod a day off. He’s on the team to play and play every single game. But on Monday night, Nunez started the night on the bench after playing two games since coming off the disabled list, which he was on for TWO MONTHS. It’s impossible that a 26-year-old Major League athlete could be tired, fatigued or overworked after playing 18 innings of baseball after having last played in the league 62 days ago and it’s impossible that Girardi could give him a day off after two games back.

“I think his (Derek Jeter) presence is going to help us. He’s used to so many things that happen in New York and understands the landscape here. I think his attitude will help us.”

Oh, you think Derek Jeter will help you? Get the eff out here! Derek Jeter will help the 2013 Yankees? Come on!

My favorite part about this quote is that Girardi talks about Jeter like he’s some free-agent signing making his return to New York and he needs to sell his abilities to the media and the fans. It’s Derek Effing Jeter, Joe. Derek Effing Jeter.

Jeter has said that he’s ready to return to the team (though he probably also said he was fine to play in Game 2 of the ALCS), but he’s still playing rehab games at Triple-A. Meanwhile, Girardi is using a shortshop platoon of Eduardo Nunez, Alberto Gonzalez and Luis Cruz to fill the void left by Jeter, which was then left by Jayson Nix. No big deal. These games don’t matter.

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