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Tag: Alex Rodriguez

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The Yankees’ Nightmare Season Is Over

The Yankees still have 49 games left, but after getting swept by the White Sox, their season is over.

I kept watching the Yankees-White Sox game on Monday night until the end the same way that I watched You Don’t Mess with the Zohan, Funny People and Five-Year Engagement until the end.

I kept watching the Yankees-White Sox game on Tuesday night as the Yankees strung me along long enough to watch them lose a 1-0 lead as Hiroki Kuroda proved to be human before the offense left me with a case of Yankee blue balls following a failed comeback attempt in the ninth.

I kept watching the Yankees-White Sox game on Wednesday night as CC Sabathia let another lead dwindle because Joe Girardi gave him the chance to let it dwindle before Number 42 blew the lead and the game with the White Sox down to their final strike before Adam “Automatic Extra-Inning Loss” Warren blew the lead and the game three innings later with the White Sox down to their final strike again.

I kept watching these games because I thought the Yankees could get back on track in Chicago before returning home to play 11 of their next 14 games in Yankee Stadium. I thought this because I’m an a-hole.

When the Yankees left for their eight-game road trip last week I wanted at least a 5-3 record after their stops in Los Angeles, San Diego and Chicago. When they left Los Angeles after splitting the two-game series with the Dodgers, I wanted at least four wins in the six games against the Padres and White Sox. When they left San Diego after dropping two of three to the Padres, I wanted a sweep of the White Sox. When they lost the first game of the series to the White Sox, I wanted the next two. When they lost the second game of the series, I didn’t want the last one … I had to have the last one. When they lost the last one, I realized the season is over.

After starting the season 30-18, the Yankees are 27-38 since and have strung us along long enough to think that if the injury bug would take just a 15-minute break from destroying the season that the Yankees could put together some kind of run like the Rays, Royals and Dodgers have put together to turn their seasons around. But the injury bug hasn’t stopped since Curtis Granderson went down in his first at-bat in spring training and on top of the injuries to Granderson, Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, Mark Teixeira, Kevin Youkilis, Francisco Cervelli, Eduardo Nunez and Jayson Nix (I only added in the last two names to show how deep it’s gone and not because they bring much value to the team), the guys who have been healthy might as well have been hurt this whole time.

CC Sabathia has won once since June 22 despite being the “ace” of the staff and making $676,470.59 per start and $23 million this season. He leads the league in hits and earned runs and could finish under .500 for the first time in his 13-year career and will most likely post the highest ERA of his career.

Andy Pettitte has been every bit as bad as a 41-year-old starter should be and might finish under .500 for the first time in his 18-year career with the highest ERA of his career. (Hopefully his family won’t let him leave Texas this winter when it comes time to deciding if he wants to be at home or in the majors.)

Phil Hughes has continued to prove that if you’re a first-round pick you will be given unlimited chances to prove that the scouting department didn’t screw up when they touted you as a No. 1/No. 2 starter. He has a 4-10 record for a team that’s above .500 (but might not be after this weekend), has won one game since June 6 and just nine of his 21 starts have been quality starts. Over the last three years he’s been every bit as bad as A.J. Burnett was during his three years with the Yankees and if he had a five-year, $82.5 million contract he would be equally as hated.

Robinson Cano has looked anything but a guy who was supposed to carry an injury-plagued team or a guy that is supposed to be the face of the franchise for the future or a guy who is in a contract year and looking to be paid a nine-figure salary. On Wednesday night, Cano hit his first home run since July 10 and he’s 14-for-67 (.209) with six RBIs in the 18 games since the All-Star break. It’s no coincidence the Yankees are 6-12 since the All-Star break.

Despite 60 percent of the rotation being atrocious, and another 20 percent of it (Ivan Nova) only pitching well since June 23, and the Yankees’ only reliable offensive threat taking weeks off at a time in Cano, I still thought if the Yankees could tread water they would be fine. I pretended like the season would last forever and Game 162 wouldn’t come until the Yankees had clinched a playoff berth even as the losses piled up and Joe Girardi sat back and lost games with Mariano Rivera still sitting in the bullpen. (He must be saving his arm for 2014.) It wasn’t until the 10th inning on Wednesday night in Chicago that Girardi showed urgency for the first time in 2013 by asking Rivera to pitch a second inning. But last Tuesday in Los Angeles, Girardi chose not to use David Robertson for a second inning after Robertson threw just nine pitches in the eighth. Instead, Girardi brought in Shawn Kelley and four batters later the game was over. I guess that game against the Dodgers eight days prior to last night’s game was just not as important and didn’t count as much in the standings.

I also thought Jeter and A-Rod and Granderson would come back and provide a boost and that Sabathia, Pettitte and Hughes couldn’t suck forever. (Well, at least Sabathia and Pettitte.) And that’s right, I thought 38-year-old A-Rod, who’s coming off a second major hip surgery in four calendar years and who hasn’t hit a home run in the majors since Sept. 14, 2012, including the playoffs, and who has just one extra-base hit (a double against the Red Sox on Oct. 3) since then, including the playoffs, could be part of the solution to saving the Yankees. (Now would be a good time for Stevie Janowski to ask me who the eff I am for thinking that A-Rod could turn around the Yankees season at a time of desperation.) Part of this was because I remembered the last time A-Rod returned from a hip surgery and PED attention in 2009 when he turned the Yankees season around and carried them to their World Series win. (The 2009 Yankees were 21-17 (.552) without A-Rod and 82-42 (.661) with him in the lineup.) And the other part of it was that even if A-Rod came back and was as bad as he was in the 2012 postseason, he would still be better than David Adams, Luis Cruz, Alberto Gonzalez, Brent Lillibridge, Jayson Nix and Eduardo Nunez. But like the girl who looks attractive among her group of friends only because her friends aren’t attractive, A-Rod was never going to save the Yankees like he did four years ago. And that’s without me factoring in the negative attention focused on him for his 211-game suspension and now his appeal and the fact that he’s A-Rod and just about everyone in Major League Baseball wants a piece of him at this point the way everybody wanted a piece of Frank Lucas in in American Gangster when Richie Roberts told him, “I got a line of people wanting to testify that stretches out the door and around the block … and the only thing they hate more than you is what you represent.”

The Yankees have 49 games left. At 11 games behind the Red Sox and 9 1/2 behind the Rays, the division is out of the question and has been for a while. If the Red Sox (70-46) play .500 baseball and go 23-23 to finish the season, the Yankees (57-56) will need to go 36-13 just to tie them. But the Red Sox aren’t going to play .500 baseball and the Yankees, who haven’t won back-to-back games since July 11 and 12, sure as eff aren’t going to play .667 baseball.

And if you think the second wild card is an option (with the first wild card going to the Red Sox or Rays), think again with the Rangers holding a seven-game lead over the Yankees and with the Orioles, Indians and Royals all ahead of the Yankees.

I thought the 2008 Yankees gave me the worst summer of baseball imaginable when they became the first Yankees team to not make the playoffs since 1993 and closed out the Stadium with a meaningless September game against the Orioles. But despite the disabled list ruining most of that season and Darrell Rasner and Sidney Ponson ruining the rest of it, at least that team won 89 games, which was enough to win the AL Central that season and would have been enough for a wild-card berth in today’s postseason format. The 2013 Yankees have been worse and will need to go 32-17 to match the 2008 Yankees’ record and even then they will still end up closing out Mariano Rivera’s career the way they closed the old Stadium.

Yogi Berra once said, “It ain’t over ’til it’s over.” But Yogi didn’t have to catch Sabathia, Pettitte or Hughes and he didn’t have to play with Lyle Overbay, Vernon Wells, Eduardo Nunez or Jayson Nix.

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‘I Will Be Back on Monday’

A-Rod will be back on Monday in Texas and he broke the news in an interview with Mike Francesa.

I don’t think Alex Rodriguez is a bad guy. I never have. I think he’s spent his entire time with the Yankees trying desperately to be someone he’s not and someone he thinks people want him to be. If anything, he’s a phony publicly because of this, but I don’t think he’s a bad guy like many.

Have I been frustrated with A-Rod the majority of the time since he became a Yankee in 2004? Yes. Have I wished they never traded for him and I could have continued to wear an Alfonso Soriano shirt? Yes. Have I wondered how he could continually put himself in a bad spot, setting himself up for disaster and inevitable backlash like a much more important Kevin Gilbride? Yes. Have I stayed awake at night wondering why the low-and-outside slider is his version of Mark Teixeira’s changeup in the dirt? Yes. Have I spent an unhealthy amount of time dreaming of him never playing another game with the Yankees and the organization somehow getting off the hook for his Hank Steinbrenner contract? Yes. Have I pretended that being in attendance for his 500th and 600th home runs means something and have hidden the fact that he admitted to using performance-enhancing drugs? Yes. Have I avoided the Biogenesis stories and reports the way A-Rod has avoided the questions he is asked about it? Yes. Have I erased his final three months of the 2012 season from my memory and think that when he returns we’ll be getting the A-Rod we got the last time he returned from hip surgery? Have I talked myself into believing that A-Rod will return and be a productive and powerful presence in the middle of the Yankees lineup? Yes.

Following Joe Girardi’s most important decision as manager of the Yankees to hit Raul Ibanez for A-Rod in Game 3 of the 2012 ALDS, I wrote the following about A-Rod.

The relationship between A-Rod and Yankee fans is a weird one. From the time he walks from the on-deck circle to the batter’s box with “Ni**as In Paris” playing, A-Rod is loved. The Stadium is full of applause and cheers in an attempt to will a home run or an extra-base hit or even just a single or a walk out of him. The fans want A-Rod to succeed. They want to have a reason to feel optimistic about him even if the 2009 playoffs should have bought him a lifetime of immunity. After that walk to the batter’s box, A-Rod has until the end of his plate appearance for the cheers to continue. If his at-bat ends well then he’s loved until his next at-bat. If it ends poorly he’s hated until his next at-bat. The perception of A-Rod as a Yankee is about life between at-bats and about him buying time between boos. In a game where failure is expected, he faces unrealistic expectations.

Well, on Monday in Texas, life between at-bats will begin again for A-Rod.

Whether you’re a Yankee fan that hates A-Rod and lives for the opportunities to boo him or you’re a Yankee fan with big enough balls to wear an A-Rod shirt or jersey and pretend like you’ve never heard of Yuri Sucart, right now it doesn’t matter. What matters right now is that David Adams (.190/.260/.276) has the most plate appearances for a Yankee at third base this season and managed to get 128 plate appearances because there was no one else to turn to. Well, there wasn’t anyone to turn to until the Yankees called up career .239 hitter Alberto Gonzalez and signed Luis Cruz, who was cut by the Dodgers for his .127/.175/.169 line in 45 games when the Dodgers weren’t even good.

Aside from Adams, Gonzalez and Cruz, Jayson Nix, Vernon Wells (!) and Kevin Youkilis have also played third base. That means most of the third base innings for the Yankees this season have come from a trio of players who, as I’m writing this could be sitting next to me and talking to me or could punch me in the face and I wouldn’t have any idea who they are. The 2013 Yankees have managed to turn the third base position into the pre-Jeter/A-Rod/Nomar days at shortshop (which baseball looks like it’s back to) and have essentially created two light-hitting positions on the left side of the infield with Jeter out and Eduardo Nunez showing less signs of power than the Boston Garden during the 1987-88 Stanley Cup.

The Yankees need A-Rod back and they really needed him back for Friday at Fenway, but we’ll settle for Monday in Arlington. A-Rod talked with Mike Francesa on Monday and with his return coming on Monday, let’s analyze some of A-Rod’s answers from the interview.

On what part of his game concerns him the most.

“I think lateral movement is probably the most challenging part, especially because it’s the hip and moving to your left is something that concerns me a little bit.”

What’s concerning about the lateral movement of a 38-year-old third baseman coming off a second major hip operation in four years? Lateral movement is overrated in the majors. Nothing to see here. Move along.

On if he will be able to play for the Yankees on Monday.

“If we have a good weekend, I will be in Texas.”

I don’t know if A-Rod is going to hit a home run on the first pitch he sees this season the way he did when he came back from hip surgery in 2009, which led to Michael Kay screaming in celebration in the same manner people who win the Powerball scream. But I do know that A-Rod or the Broken-Down A-Rod hitting fourth in the Yankees lineup (he better be hitting fourth) is a better option than Broken-Down Travis Hafner or Broken-Down Vernon Wells.

On if he feels like himself and being injured at the end of last year.

“I hit a ball yesterday and it was about a 93 or 94 mph fastball from a left-handed pitcher and I was able to drive it over the left-center field wall. And that’s something that I know for sure I couldn’t do in August, September or October, and by the way, I couldn’t even do that last week.”

I’m not sure that A-Rod would have been able to take a Freddy Garcia fastball out of the park in the postseason last year. But if A-Rod couldn’t handle a mid-90s fastball last week, how is he driving that same pitch over the left-center field wall this week? I’m going to chalk this up as him getting into “baseball shape” and his muscle memory returning and I’m not going to chalk it up as him texting Yuri for “something.”

On his relationship with the Yankees.

“I think over the last several weeks we’ve had good communication. We’ve had productive conversations. I think we all have the same goal to get back on the field, help the team win, and make a run out of this thing. I think the team has done a phenomenal job of keeping us right in the race.

I think A-Rod meant to say, “You mean how are things since Brian Cashman told me to ‘Shut the f-ck up?’ Things are great!”

Whenever someone says that two parties with a shaky past are having “good communication,” 100 percent of the time it means there is a mutual dislike or hatred.

On whether or not he had his reps make a deal with Major League Baseball.

“No, that’s not true. You heard Michael [Weiner] speak over the All-Star break. At this moment that’s all we can really discuss on the matter.”

The last time A-Rod was connected to performance-enhancing drugs, it ended with him holding a sitdown with Peter Gammons, in which he admitted to taking PEDs (but only in Texas, of course) and calling Selena Roberts a stalker. History suggests that A-Rod more than likely made some poor decisions in connection with the Biogenesis scandal, but let’s forget about that for now because who cares about potential 150-game suspensions or lifetime bans? A-Rod’s playing on Monday! Get excited!

On whether or not there is any deal with Major League Baseball.

“There’s no deal that I’ve instructed anyone to do at this point.”

I thought we were forgetting about all of this?

On if there’s anything wrong with him physically.

“I think the most concerning thing is I’m 38. I’m not 28. I’m no spring chicken. I have aches that I’ve never even knew, muscles in my body that (I didn’t know) I had.”

Was Mark Teixeira in the car whispering this answer into A-Rod’s ear? It sounds oddly familiar to the answer Teixeira gave the Wall Street Journal back in February before injuring his wrist and spending 2013 collecting $22.5 million while hanging out at home in Greenwich, Conn.

Thanks for the reminder about being 38 despite making $28 million this year, $25 million next year, $21 million in 2015, $20 million in 2016 and $20 million in 2017. I can’t wait to see 42-year-old A-Rod as the designated hitter or 42-year-old A-Rod signing memorabilia with Pete Rose in Las Vegas if Bud Selig gets his way.

On watching Derek Jeter get hurt after one game back this season.

“I do think that we have an opportunity here in the second half to get healthy and hopefully come back with a bang and give the fans of New York what they expect, and that’s a world championship-caliber team.”

Are you saying that a world championship team can’t have Luis Cruz or Alberto Gonzalez getting everyday player at-bats? Are you forgetting about the night Travis Ishikawa showed up to save the Yankees’ season?

On the Yankees’ struggling offense.

“I think the guys have done a great job. I think Joe deserves a lot of credit, our coaching staff deserves a lot of credit. I think we’re coming back at the right time and the good news is that it’s not just one guy, it’s going to be a handful of guys. And I think the time is right and I think we’re ready for that.”

A-Rod’s reasoning here is why I’m not already preparing myself for football and hockey season, but it’s also why I should probably be preparing myself for football and hockey season.

Normally, a six-game deficit would have me freaking out, throwing electronic devices and possibly crying. But this six-game deficit (five in the loss column for optimism) doesn’t feel like a six-game deficit because of who has played (and more importantly who hasn’t played) for the Yankees through 95 games. And it also doesn’t feel like one because the Yankees’ two-game losing streak (including Sunday’s loss, which was the most embarrassing Yankee loss since probably Opening Day in the Bronx in 2009) was delayed because of the All-Star break and it gave me time to collect my thoughts and think rationally and reasonably about the 2013 Yankees.

I love the optimism in A-Rod’s voice because I feel optimistic about the “second half” of the season too. But if the Yankees go down 2-0 in the first inning on Friday night in Boston, I’m sure that will change.

On if he had any doubts about making it back.

“Look, you always have doubts. If I could just sit here and tell you, ‘Yeah, it’s been just a colorful ride and it’s been a rainbow,’ I would be lying to you. There was very dark moments, challenging, some achy mornings. Every day, getting up really early, leaving the Tampa complex very late, doing cold tubs at night, doing hot tubs in the morning. It’s been a very challenging process.”

There has been nothing about A-Rod’s nine previous seasons in New York that could be considered “a colorful ride” or “a rainbow,” so I’m not sure why either of those things would be part of his vocabulary anymore.

I do feel bad that A-Rod had to go to work early and leave late and that he was taking cold baths and hanging out in hot tubs in Florida. That type of lifestyle must suck.

On no one believing he would be back with the Yankees.

“I will be back on Monday and I’m very excited.”

So am I.

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A Series of Firsts for Don Mattingly’s Dodgers

The Dodgers are in the Bronx for a two-game series, presenting a lot of firsts at Yankee Stadium, including one with this email exchange with Brittni Michaelis.

The Dodgers are in the Bronx for the first time since 1981 and for the first time since interleague play began and Don Mattingly is at Yankee Stadium in the visiting dugout for the first time. So I figured, let’s keep it going with things happening for the first time. What does that mean? An email exchange with a girl and my girlfriend: Dodger fan Brittni Michaelis.

Keefe: Your Kings couldn’t defend the Cup. Your Lakers were an atrocity. The Vikings quarterback is Christian Ponder. But when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, your $216 million Dodgers are 29-39 and in last place in the NL West. Last place! In the NL West! Again, that’s … Last place! In the NL West! Even Christian Ponder can chime in and say something sucks when it comes to the Dodgers.

Maybe you’ll blame the ownership group for trading for and putting their faith in players who didn’t pan out in Boston and blamed God for losses (Adrian Gonzalez) or wore out their welcome in Boston (Josh Beckett) or got fat (Josh Beckett) or stopped caring about baseball because they had a kid (Josh Beckett) or spend time on the disabled list with mysterious injuries (Josh Beckett) or former stars that even the Marlins didn’t want (Hanley Ramirez) or a $142 million outfielder who broke down like a dumped Bachelor contestant when asked about the media treatment in Boston (Carl Crawford). Maybe you’ll blame Ned Colletti for being the general manager during the time when all of these moves took place. But if you’re going to blame injuries then you came to the wrong place because the Yankees have watched Derek Jeter, Mark Teixeira, Curtis Granderson, Alex Rodriguez, Francisco Cervelli, Kevin Youkilis, Andy Pettitte and Joba Chamberlain all spend time on the disabled list this season.

So if I were to ask you why the Dodgers are 7 ½ games back in the NL West or why they are five games worse than the Padres or why they only have three more wins than the Houston Astros, how would you answer? Actually I’m going to ask you that. Why are the Dodgers so bad and who is to blame?

Michaelis: Well, hello to you too, pal. Thanks for coming out swinging. While you make valid points about the Lakers and Vikings, I refuse to get rattled by you. I refuse.

Despite your ever-so charming wittiness and sarcasm, this Dodgers team is no different from the ones in the past. The issue with this team isn’t the ownership group, injuries or individual players.

Sure, Josh Beckett sucks (0-5 with a 5.19 ERA) and would rather be drinking beers, eating fried chicken and surfing off the coast of Malibu, but can you really blame him? Before he experienced “hand-numbness” and was subsequently put on the disabled list, his last three starts weren’t terrible for him (0-2, 13 IP, 17 H, 12 R, 9 ER, 7 BB, 16 K). But his career might be over because of numbness in his pitching hand, so give the guy a break.

I realize you dislike Gonzalez almost as much as I dislike Jason Schmidt (even the mention of his name makes me angry), but Gonzalez is the only reason why we aren’t 20 games under .500. His stats this season? .303/8/44 with 71 hits. He has a better average (.308), more RBIs (44) and a better OBP (.365) than any Yankee. I’m sure you’re thinking, “Well that’s because the Yankees play in a better division and how can he only have 8 homeruns in the NL West?” But I can’t control what division the Dodgers are in, just like I can’t control the air conditioning on the Metro North.

The issue isn’t one player, the issue is the whole damn team. The lack of chemistry, the lack of consistency and most importantly, the bullpen are the reasons why the Dodgers are 10 games below .500. That bullpen is the death of me. It will be the reason why I have gray hairs before the age of 24. It doesn’t matter what our starting rotation does, the slobs in the bullpen can’t do their job. This happens EVERY year.

You know how in Step Brothers, Dale (Will Ferrell) and Brendan (John C. Reilly) interview for jobs with Seth Rogen’s company and they have it in the bag until Dale screws up and farts? That’s like the Dodgers bullpen. The Dodgers lead the league with 15 blown saves. Their closer, Brandon League, has a 5.54 ERA, has put 41 runners on base in 26 innings and has a .308 batting average against. (Where is Hideo Nomo when you need him?) If Andy Pettitte can still pitch at age 41 then Nomo needs to come out of retirement at the age of 44. Come out, come out, wherever you are, Nomo.

Keefe: I’m embarrassed. For someone who is supposed to be an expert on all things anti-Josh Beckett, I can’t believe I forgot about his surfing/body surfing/boogie boarding trip in Malibu with his gut flopping around in the Pacific Ocean. My apologies.

But your response made me realize two things:

1. I miss being able to talk about people like Josh Beckett, Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford now that they are in the NL West and out of my life.

2. It’s funny how naive you are about the entitled frauds that wear your favorite’s team uniform.

I’m not sure how you or anyone could feel bad for Josh Beckett. Beckett is making $15.75 million this season. So if he made 30 starts, which he has only made once since 2010 and twice since 2008, he would make $1 million per start. But he hasn’t started since May 13 and won’t come close to 30 this season, so do the math. He’s stealing money just like your hero Jason Schmidt did from the Dodgers. Sure, Schmidt only started 10 games (3-6, 6.02 ERA) for the Dodgers in three years after signing a three-year, $47 million deal, but his time on the disabled list likely helped the Dodgers.

I can’t tell you how good it makes me feel to see Beckett have no wins, a 5.19 ERA, a 1.500 WHIP and have grown a third and fourth chin since arriving in Los Angeles. The only bad part is I wish he was doing this in Boston because the media and fans there would have destroyed him while in Los Angeles people feel bad for him.

(Here’s the winless Beckett in 2012 talking about missing a start with a back problem, but being seen on a golf course during the time when he was out of the Red Sox rotation. What a guy!)

As for Adrian Gonzalez, let’s take a trip down memory lane. Here’s what your awesome No. 3 hitter had to say following Game 162 in 2011 after the worst regular-season collapse in Major League Baseball history.

“We didn’t do a better job with the lead. I’m a firm believer that God has a plan and it wasn’t in his plan for us to move forward.”

“God didn’t have it in the cards for us.”

“We play too many night games on getaway days and get into places at 4 in the morning. This has been my toughest season physical because of that. We play a lot of night games on Sunday for television and those things take a lot out of you.”

“They can put the Padres on ESPN, too. The schedule really hurt us. Nobody is really reporting that.”

Poor, Adrian Gonzalez. He has to play baseball for $21 million a year and it’s really hard and demanding. It’s not his fault that his teams, whether it be the Padres or Red Sox or Dodgers, have collapsed down the stretch with him as the focal point of their offenses. Why would it be his fault? And why should he be held accountable?

I just can’t wait for the Dodgers to get the “x” next to their name in the standings for being mathematically eliminated and then when Gonzalez is asked about it, hopefully he blames God for the Dodgers’ failures. I’m sure you will appreciate him then too.

Even if the Dodgers’ problems are team-wide like you believe they are, I believe they stem from the “people” they brought in to play for them. Sometimes we all forget that baseball is more numbers and like a wise man once said, “The game has a heartbeat.” And the Dodgers’ heart could use a triple bypass followed by a strict diet.

The sad thing is Don Mattingly will end up taking the fall for this even though the ownership group and Colletti gave him the wrong pieces. How about the Dodgers fire Mattingly and Donnie Baseball comes back to the Bronx and your Dodgers get a new manager? I like that idea.

Michaelis: I’m sure your just fine without the trio of Beckett, Gonzalez and Crawford in the AL East. Remember you still have Brian Boyle, Mark Teixeira, and Boone Logan (LOL). I’m sure those three are providing you with plenty to talk about. Actually based on your Twitter account, I would say you’re faring just fine without the Dodgers trio.

It’s 2013. I don’t care what Adrian Gonzalez did or said in 2011. The Red Sox collapsed, the Yankees didn’t win the World Series and the Dodgers didn’t even make the playoffs, so what is notable about 2011? Time to move on. I’m talking about the 2013 Adrian Gonzalez. You want to rip him for complaining in 2011 then go ahead, but he’s producing and isn’t the problem.

You can’t buy chemistry. Just look at the team across the way from Chavez Ravine. The Los Angeles Angels (or really the Anaheim Angels) tried to do exactly what the Dodgers are and they are failing. It’s a team-wide problem, guys aren’t producing, and the bullpen … I don’t even have a word for it. The bullpen is a grade A disaster.

A wise fellow once said, “Pitching wins championships” and that’s one thing the Dodgers don’t have. Clayton Kershaw can’t pitch 162 games. If he could, the Dodgers would be undefeated. His supporting cast has been laughable and there isn’t much Adrian Gonzalez, Donnie Baseball, Matt Kemp or hitting coach Mark McGwire can do about that.

I would happily pay Josh Beckett to stay away. Ride the bench, eat all the KFC you want, hang 10 on your long board at Trestles Beach. What’s another $15.75 million? Like you said, Ned Colletti already threw away $47 million when he signed Jason Schmidt in 2007 and he only pitched 10 games for the Dodgers! Easily the best pick-up of 2007.

Since Schmidt didn’t work out and Ted Lilly and Chad Billingsley are both on the DL (such daggers) the Dodgers starting pitching has been a merry-go-round and really the only three consistent pitchers have been Kershaw, Zack Greinke and Hyun-Jin Ryu. The Dodgers starters look like this.

1. Clayton Kershaw (5-4, 1.84 ERA)

2. Zack Greinke (3-2, 4.22 ERA)

3. Hyun-Jin Ryu (6-2, 2.85 ERA)

4. Stephen Fife (1-2, 3.74 ERA)

5. Chris Capuano (1-4, 5.45 ERA)

6. Matt Magill (0-2, 6.51 ERA)

Ready for the bullpen breakdown? Pull up a chair because you might want to sit down for this one.

Kenley Jansen (2.57 ERA)

Paco Rodriguez (3.38 ERA)

Matt Guerrier (3.58 ERA)

Ronald Belisario (4.78 ERA)

Brandon League (5.54 ERA)

Our closer has a 5.54 ERA. A 5.54 ERA. Brandon League hit the jackpot because of Colletti’s stupidity and signed a three-year, $22.5 million deal last year. How does he still have a job? How do either of them still have a job?

Again, the issue isn’t the Boston trio who came to L.A., the issue is that the Dodgers go after players past their prime and expect them to produce the way they did in the past. (Think Nomar Garciaparra, Andruw Jones and Manny Ramirez.) The Dodgers only bright spots are Kershaw, Kemp (when healthy), Gonzalez and Yasiel Puig. If they signed up for a Wiffle ball tournament they would be untouchable. Unfortunately baseball requires nine players.

The Dodgers don’t need triple-bypass surgery, they need a detox. It’s funny hearing this from you, the guy who only likes pasta, pizza and chicken. Maybe you and the Dodgers can sign up for Equinox together? I’m sure they can find the funds somewhere.

Keefe: I’m not sure the Dodgers can afford a monthly membership at Equinox even after getting more than $6 billion in their TV deal. Where are they getting that money? Who is watching them? Do people in Los Angeles even like sports? And if they do, do they like watching a last-place team?

On your point about Kershaw pitching 162 games and being undefeated, well that’s a little farfetched. Kershaw is 5-4 in 15 starts and one of those wins came in a complete-game shutout on Opening Day when he won 1-0 on his own solo home run. So no the Dodgers wouldn’t be undefeated if Kershaw pitched all 162 games. But if he pitched for a team that could actually score runs, then yes that team would probably be undefeated or close to it since the Dodgers average 3.02 runs in games Kershaw starts. Where is the Dodgers’ savior Adrian Gonzalez when Kershaw starts? (I can’t wait for the Dodgers to make a run at the NL West and Gonzalez to show you why he’s an empty-calorie guy as he crumbles in September.)

As for the next two games at Yankee Stadium, Hyun-Jin Ryu scares me because the Yankees have never seen him before and the Yankees are 0-379 in my lifetime when facing a starter they have never seen before. But Hiroki Kuroda gets a chance to go against his former team and when you have a 2.78 ERA in the AL like he does, that usually will translate into good things against an offensively-challenged team like the Dodgers. I like the Yankees in the first game.

In the second game, the bad news is Phil Hughes, who I have zero faith in and who shouldn’t even be a starting pitcher, and who is in his final months being a Yankee and I can’t wait until he is a free agent, is pitching. The good news is he is going against Chris Capuano, proud owner of a 2-6 record and 5.45 ERA. This game could be an offensive gongshow for two teams who have trouble scoring even one run. If Hughes doesn’t lay an A.J. Burnett egg and can keep it close and the Yankees can get into that awesome bullpen you have then I like our chances.

So yes, I’m predicting a two-game sweep from the Yankees, not only because they need it after that horrific West Coast road trip, but like I already knew and you helped confirm: the Dodgers are a bad team.

Michaelis: Actually the Dodgers are first in attendance this season. We don’t have to deal with the wishy-washy suits that the Yankees have to deal with. People in L.A. will actually go to the game regardless of if we’re in first place or last place.

Kershaw going undefeated is farfetched? The Dodgers wouldn’t be undefeated? And here I thought baseball was an individual sport. Yes, the Dodgers need to score runs, they are 29th in runs scored, but again it’s the pitching. The Dodgers have scored 240 runs, but have allowed 289 runs for a -49 run differential. I’m no mathematician, but I’m pretty sure the equation is if you score more runs than you allow, you will win and if you allow less runs than you score, you will win! The Dodgers lineup isn’t producing, but you can’t really blame Gonzalez. No one’s calling him the Dodgers’ savior, but he isn’t the reason we are sitting in last place in the NL West. He is certainly a step up from James Loney.

You know it’s karma. I laughed at you when you said that the Yankees were good, but even you didn’t think they were going to do this well. You wanted them to be .500 when Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez and Mark Teixeira returned, but they’re even better than that with Jeter and A-Rod not back yet and Teixeira returning to the DL. (I hope his wrist is OK.)

From the first chuckle I knew it would come back to bite me in the ass and it did. Or I could blame the Dodgers’ current woes on my lack of team spirit. I haven’t worn my Dodgers socks in a while…

This two-game short lived series should be good. The Dodgers have nothing to lose really, they are 7 1/2 games back and every Dodger fan knows they don’t turn it on until end of August or beginning of September. But the Yankees can’t afford a two-game sweep and possibly be five games back of … the Red Sox! Yikes.

Kuroda’s last five starts have all resulted in losses since apparently the Yankees can’t hit either.But the Dodgers got the luck of the draw in facing Hughes. I’m hoping he has another outing like the one against the Mariners back on May 15 (0.2 IP, 7 ER). JUST ONE TIME, PLEASE! Puig will also be a factor in the series and it will be my first time witnessing the Cuban sensation that Vin Scully loves to watch. Also the Yankees are batting someone named Thomas Neal in the 5-spot so that should be fun.

If Capuano is pitching the series will be split, no matter what the Dodgers do and if suddenly they realize they can swing the bat and hit the ball, Capuano will give up runs and lots of them.

I’m excited to watch my beloved Doyers in the bleachers. I hope Bald Vinny and his crew are nice to me. Donnie Baseball ‘s return to Yankee Stadium should be a great momentous event to help set the stage. Maybe this will be the turning point for the Dodgers? Steal two wins in the Bronx?

I should have made the bet that whoever wins this series gets a free months rent. Things are going to get heated, I can feel it. In the words of the great Vin Scully, “It’s time for Dodger baseball!”

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Opening Day Debacle

The Yankees were embarrassed at home on Opening Day with a makeshift lineup and CC Sabathia on the mound.

Opening Day never really feels like Opening Day. Monday didn’t feel like it would be the first day of baseball nearly every day for the next six months (and hopefully for a seventh month). Even as I rode a packed 4 train to 161st Street, bouncing around between strangers like Cheri Oteri in a Roxbury Brothers skit on Saturday Night Live, it didn’t feel like I was going to a real game. And it especially didn’t feel like I was going to a real game because this is what I woke up to on Monday morning.

Gardner 8
Nunez 6
Cano 4
Youkilis 3
Wells 7
Francisco 0
Suzuki 9
Nix 5
Cervelli 2

Given the names, that’s about the worst Opening Day lineup you could imagine as a Yankee fan, but it was even worse when you realize the way Joe Girardi decided to organize those names.

It’s hard to argue with Vernon Wells hitting fifth in the lineup since there weren’t many options even if Wells hasn’t hit like a No. 5 hitter in three years. And it’s hard to argue against Ben Francisco being in the lineup since there were no other right-handed bats available on the bench and Girardi would give up eating before he would he would give in to inserting a left-handed bat against a left-handed pitcher if he didn’t have to. But Ichiro hitting seventh on Opening Day against a left-handed pitcher in the worst regular-season Yankees lineup in two decades is the most Joe Girardi thing Joe Girardi could have done. Girardi’s need to go lefty-righty down the entire order is appalling, disgusting and disturbing and his overmanaging in Game 1 of 2013 was just as bad as his overmanaging in Game 1 of 2012 when he had Sabathia intentionally walk Sean Rodriguez. (He had Sabathia intentionally walk Jonny Gomes on Monday, so at least he’s consistent). The idea that Eduardo Nunez should be hitting second in this lineup or any lineup ever is more unfathomable to me than New York City just now extending subway service on the East Side. And the only thing Girardi’s creation was missing was Steve Pearce hitting cleanup.

I will commend Girardi for finally hitting Robinson Cano third after all these years. All it took was A-Rod suffering a possible career-ending injury and needing surgery and Mark Teixeira enduring a “strained” wrist for Girardi to put Cano into the 3-hole in the lineup since he hasn’t been the best player on the team for three-plus years now or anything.

The lineup really didn’t matter on Opening Day because when your starter puts 12 men on base in five innings, and gives up four runs, it’s hard to win, even if the opponent is last year’s last-place team. If CC Sabathia is going to lay an A.J. Burnett-like egg while being backed by a lineup that features the Ghost of Vernon Wells and the recycled Ben Francisco in power spots then the Yankees are going to have even more problems than wondering about the health of Derek Jeter, Curtis Granderson, A-Rod and Teixeira.

Here’s what CC Sabathia has now done in five Opening Days with the Yankees.

April 6, 2009 @ BAL: 4.1 IP, 8 H, 6 R, 6 ER, 5 BB, 0 K

April 4, 2010 @ BOS: 5.1 IP, 6 H, 5 R, 5 ER, 2 BB, 4 K

March 31, 2011 vs. DET: 6 IP, 6 H, 3 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 7 K

April 6, 2012 @ TB: 6 IP, 8 H, 5 R, 5 ER, 3 BB, 7 K

April 1, 2013 vs. BOS: 5 IP, 8 H, 4 R, 4 R, 4 BB, 5 K

I want the “CC Sabathia isn’t good on Opening Day or in March and April” narrative to stop. (He’s 20-15 with a 4.18 ERA in March and April.) Sabathia gets paid the same amount in March and April that he does in May, June, July, August and September. That means that over 34 starts per year, the amount is $676,470.59 and Sabathia’s problems shouldn’t be written off the same way Mark Teixeira’s problems are (when he’s playing) in the same months. Yesterday while I was battling the elements of April weather in New York in the right field bleachers, battling the sore sight that is the 2013 New York Yankees lineup and battling the $11 Coors Light prices, CC Sabathia was making almost $700,000 and then having excuses made for him by beat writers because he’s a “slow starter” as the Yankees lost for the first time at home on Opening Day since 1982.

Sabathia fell apart in the second inning after he walked the fearsome Jarrod Saltalamacchia, gave up a single to the vaunted Jonny Gomes, walked Hall-of-Fame bound Jackie Bradley Jr., despite getting ahead of him 0-2, and then gave up an RBI single to the heavy-hitting Jose Iglesias. It was the 6-7-8-9 hitters that started the second-inning downfall for Sabathia and it was Shane Victorino and Dustin Pedroia who did the damage as Sabathia was forced to throw 34 pitches to nine hitters in the inning.

Sabathia is the most important Yankee in 2013 just like he has been every year since 2009. It’s his job to carry the rotation and for now carry the team every fifth day until the lineup resembles something that’s not only worthy of wearing pinstripes, but of being in Major League Baseball. On Monday, he failed to his job and was outpitched by a starter and hit around by a lineup that’s failed their team for the last two years. Sabathia lost in his typical Opening Day fashion to a team coming off a 93-loss season and sent Yankee fans into the first off day of the season counting down the minutes until Hiroki Kuroda’s first pitch on Wednesday.

Yankee Stadium looked empty on TV in the ninth inning of Opening Day as I watched from Billy’s Sports Bar on River Ave. to the point that I thought the game had ended and an entire inning had been played in my two-minute walk from the bleachers to the bar. And on Tuesday, everyone wanted to talk about how Yankee fans should feel embarrassed and ashamed for leaving early and not sticking around in the rain and freezing temperature to watch the Yankees try to erase a five-run deficit in the bottom of the ninth inning with Lyle Overbay, who was released by the Red Sox a week ago leading off. I don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed for leaving early. I feel embarrassed and ashamed for staying as long as I did.

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Welcome Back, Chien-Ming Wang

Once upon a time Chien-Ming Wang saved the Yankees and now he’s back with the organization.

Since I was seven years old, the Yankees have missed the playoffs once: 2008. I refer to that year as the Year Without October the way I refer to the 2004 baseball season as the Season That Never Happened. (There was a strike that season and no games were played. Don’t you remember?)

I remember the 2008 Yankees for being miserable and making my summer miserable. And because I relate specific years to how that Yankees season went, when I hear “2008,” I think, “That’s the year I graduated from college and the year the Yankees ruined my summer” and sometimes I think of those two things in reverse order. (OK, I always think of them in reverse order, but I didn’t think it would be a good look to put the Yankees ahead of college graduation.) The truth is that the 2008 Yankees didn’t suck and weren’t even bad. And given their circumstances they were actually pretty good.

That Yankees team went 89-73, which would have been enough to play in a one-game playoff if they were in the AL Central and would have been enough to win the NL West by five games. Their 89 wins were the fourth most in the AL and more than the 2000 Yankees had (87-75) and that team won the AL East by 2 ½ games and won the World Series. But the 2008 Yankees ended the run of 13 straight playoff appearances and because of that I remember them as a failure even if they really weren’t.

That season the rotation featured Darrell Rasner and Sidney Ponson for 35 combined starts. Andy Pettitte posted career worsts in losses (14) and ERA (4.54) pitching through injuries the entire year in the only .500 season of his 17-year career. Jorge Posada didn’t play in one game in May and played in his last game of the year on July 19. Jose Molina had 297 plate appearances, Chad Moeller had 103 and Ivan Rodriguez had 101. Pettitte, Posada, Jonathan Albaladejo, Wilson Betemit, Chris Britton, Brian Bruney, Joba Chamberlain, Johnny Damon, Dan Giese, Phil Hughes, Jeff Karstens, Ian Kennedy, Hideki Matsui and Alex Rodriguez all landed on the disabled list at least once. LaTroy Hawkins was in the bullpen and so were Billy Traber, Jose Veras and Edwar Ramirez. Richie Sexson got to put on pinstripes. So like I said, “Given their circumstances, they were actually pretty good.”

Even during the Murphy’s Law season with all of those things happening during the same year in which the Yankees cared more about Jobamania and his transformation from the best setup man since 1996 Mariano Rivera to starter (which became a circus), the season really ended on June 15 in the sixth inning at Minute Maid Park.

The season ended when Chien-Ming Wang and his .000 career on-base percentage reached base on a fielder’s choice after a failed sacrifice bunt attempt and suffered a lisfranc injury running home on his way to scoring his first career run. The Yankees won that game 13-0 and Wang earned his second-to-last win as a Yankee to this day (the other coming on June 28, 2009 against the Mets), improving to 8-2 on the year with a 4.07 ERA.

To that point in the season, Wang had averaged 6 1/3 innings per start in 15 starts and the Yankees were 12-3 in games he started.  He had won 19 games in both 2006 and 2007 and looked to be a lock for that number again in 2008. With the win over the Astros he improved to 54-20 in five seasons with the Yankees and had become the “ace” of their staff even if Chris Russo strongly believed otherwise.

(To me, Wang was an “ace” during the regular season where his heavy sinker worked the majority of the time over 33 starts. But come postseason time when you didn’t know if Wang’s sinker would sink or not, he was a disaster when it didn’t. He didn’t have strong enough secondary pitches to get outs and would be stubborn on the mound trying to find the sinker because he had to be stubborn about it. He couldn’t really grind his way through starts without his pitch and because of it I consider him a “regular-season ace.” His playoff numbers would consider him that too: 4 GS, 1-3, 7.58 ERA, 19 IP, 28 H, 19 R, 16 ER, 5 HR, 5 BB, 7 K, 1.737 WHIP. The same pitcher who allowed nine home runs in 116 1/3 innings in 2005, 12 home runs in 218 innings in 2006 and nine home runs in 199 1/3 innings in 2007 somehow allowed five in just 19 postseason innings. “Regular-season ace.”)

The Yankees missed the playoffs by six games in 2008 with Rasner and Ponson starting 22 percent of the season and with Dan Giese, Brian Bruney, Carl Pavano and Kei Igawa also getting starts. Six games ended up separating the Yankees from the Red Sox for the wild card (and eight games separated the Yankees from the Rays for the division). You can’t tell me Chien-Ming Wang wouldn’t have made up that difference if he hadn’t been injured. He would have.

Wang saved the 2005 season (along with Robinson Cano’s emergence, Tino Martinez emptying the tank and Jason Giambi turning back the clock or possibly reverting to undetectable performance-enhancing drugs). Wang picked up the only win in the 2006 ALDS against the Tigers (Game 1) and from April 30, 2005 until June 15, 2008 (minus the two months he missed in 2005), he was the closest thing the Yankees had to a guaranteed win every five days before CC Sabathia came to town.

I eventually got used to Wang’s painfully slow windup and let the way he curved his hat go because when you win those things become trademarks and cool and mimicked by others. There isn’t any young baseball player trying to mirror A.J. Burnett’s herky-jerky, inconsistent windup. At least I hope there isn’t. (If A.J. Burnett used Wang’s windup or curved his hat the way Wang did, I would have had enough material for at least three or four more columns from 2009-2011. That’s the difference between winning and losing.)

But if I’m going to mention his 55 wins with the Yankees and his calm and collected demeanor and his victory in Game 1 of the 2006 ALDS then I’m afraid I’m going to have to mention how he single-handedly lost the 2007 ALDS with this majestic pitching line for two games: 5.2 IP, 14 H, 12 R, 12 ER, 4 BB, 2 K, 3 HR, 3.174 WHIP. With that WHIP, Wang essentially loaded the bases every inning he was on the mound in Games 1 and 4 on his way to a 19.06 ERA for the series, which I thought would never be touched, but Phil Hughes made a run at those numbers with his 2010 ALCS performance against the Rangers. (I won’t put his numbers here for fear of having a nervous breakdown remembering that series, knowing it could have ended differently if Hughes had just been atrocious and not disastrous.) And also 2009 when Wang was supposed to be the Yankees’ No. 2 start, but instead was the worst statistical pitcher in Yankees history.

During the last half of the aughts, when Brian Cashman was trading for a 41-year-old Randy Johnson, giving $39.95 million contract to Carl Pavano and $21 million to Jaret Wright, begging a 45-year-old Roger Clemens to unretire and make 17 starts for the Yankees for $28 million and paying $26 million for the rights to give $20 million to Kei Igawa, Chien-Ming Wang was busy winning 68 percent of his starts for the Yankees while being grossly underpaid.

Wang is back where it all began on a minor-league deal with the Yankees that will have him start the season in Triple-A, a place that five years ago you never thought he would never have to pitch again unless it was a rehab start. When asked about Wang’s return to the team, Joe Girardi said, “He was a very good pitcher for the New York Yankees.” But he’s wrong. For four seasons, he was the best pitcher for the New York Yankees.

So welcome back, Chien-Ming Wang. You were never thanked for what you did. Here’s to hoping you get the chance to do some more.

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