Clayton Kershaw – Keefe To The City

Sep 21, 2015

2015 Subway Series Diary: Citi Field

The most important Subway Series will always be the 2000 World Series, but after that, the three-game series this past weekend At Citi Field might be next on the list.

The most important Subway Series will always be the 2000 World Series, but after that, the three-game series this past weekend At Citi Field might be next on the list. This late in the season with the Yankees trying to pass the Blue Jays and the Mets trying to hold off the Nationals, there hasn’t been a Subway Series holding this much significance with this much at stake in a long, long time.

I decided to go to the diary format that I have used for the Subway Series in the past to look back at this weekend. Like always, just pretend like you’re reading this in one of those black-and-white Mead composition notebooks.

FRIDAY
I would have complained about Joe Girardi’s lineup on Friday night, but how can you complain about this lineup when the team has a 10-game lead in the AL East on Sept. 18?

Brett Gardner – CF
Chase Headley – 3B
Carlos Beltran – RF
Chris Young -LF
Greg Bird – 1B
John Ryan Murphy – C
Didi Gregroius – SS
Brendan Ryan – 2B
Masahiro Tanaka – P

With Alex Rodriguez, Brian McCann and Jacoby Ellsbury on the bench, that’s $59,142,857 worth of salary for 2015 on the bench for what is a crucial series in order to win the AL East. But that’s Joe Girardi for you. He doesn’t care if it’s April 18 or Sept. 18 or Game 1 of the ALDS, if there’s a left-handed pitcher on the mound, he’s going to tinker with his lineup as much as possible. It’s who he is.

It came as no surprise that this lineup scored one run in the first inning and then magically didn’t score for the rest of the game. It was painful to watch the Yankees load the bases in the ninth inning against Jeurys Familia, thanks to a walk from A-Rod and pinch-hit single from Ellsbury after the two start the game, only to lose because streaky Brett Gardner couldn’t get a hit and Chase Headley struck out, which he seems to do a lot.

The lineup was bad and the game was bad, but was the worst was after the game when Girardi said it was tough without A-Rod and McCann as if they were injured or suspended when it was Girardi’s decision to not play them. Ladies and gentlemen, Joe Girardi!

SATURDAY
The Yankees always win on my birthday, so I wasn’t surprised when they won again on my birthday.

But if you watched the game on FOX, you would never have known that the Yankees won the game and lit up Noah Syndergaard. The FOX broadcast just kept saying over and over how great Syndergaard was pitching and if only he hadn’t given up a first-inning, three-run home run to Carlos Beltran and a sixth-inning, two-run home run to Brian McCann then he would have pitched a shutout. Where was this kind of analysis for Game 7 of the 2004 ALCS? If Kevin Brown hadn’t given up a first-inning, two-run home run to David Ortiz and hadn’t loaded the bases before Javier Vazquez gave up the grand slam to Johnny Damon then the Yankees would have won the game!

Of course Joe Girardi went to Dellin Betances in the eighth inning of a 5-0 game after having gone to Justin Wilson in the seventh inning with the score the same. And of course he brought in James Pazos to start the ninth to get one out and then brought in Chris Martin thinking he would end the game cleanly only to have to bring in Andrew Miller to close out a 5-0 game with two on and two out as if a three-run home run would hurt them or as if a five-run home run exists.

SUNDAY
The Blue Jays lost to the Red Sox on Saturday night and Sunday afternoon, so the Yankees deficit in the AL East was down to 3 entering Sunday Night Baseball.

When CC Sabathia gave up back-to-back doubles to start the game, I was thankful for football season starting, so I could always resort to Sunday Night Football if the game got out of hand. Fortunately, it didn’t.

Future (most likely) Yankee Matt Harvey comes to pitch when he goes against the Yankees. After shutting them down in April when he allowed two earned runs over 8 2/3 innings at Yankee Stadium. You know he feels like he is auditioning each time he pitches against the Yankees and with the Mets looking to wrap up the NL East and the Yankees trying to stay in the AL East race, you knew he would come to pitch on national TV in primetime.

When the Yankees went down in order in the first, I thought he might pitch a perfect game. After Chase Headley walked in the second inning, I thought he would pitch a no-hitter. When Brett Gardner singled with two outs in the third, I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. However, I figured the Yankees would go the entire game without scoring and blow the opportunity the Blue Jays gave them with back-to-back losses. But then Matt Harvey’s innings limit took over. Sandy Alderson told Buster Olney on ESPN during the fourth inning that the fifth inning would be Harvey’s last and that’s when I knew the Yankees could win the game.

I don’t really understand the Matt Harvey/Scott Boras/Sandy Alderson innings situation. Harvey isn’t a free agent until after the 2018 season, so it’s not like he’s on the brink of a nine-figure contract. He needs to stay healthy for the rest of this season and next season and the season after that and the season after that. I understand that this is his first year following surgery, but there’s no proof that him pitching a certain amount of innings this season or next season or any season is going to be prevent him from re-injuring his elbow the same way there was no way to know he would injure it the first time. But what I don’t get is how the player and his agent aren’t on the same page as the team and clearly haven’t been all season. Did Matt Harvey tell Scott Boras to enforce this limit? Did Scott Boras advise Matt Harvey not to go past the limit? Did Scott Boras change a limit that was already agreed upon with the Mets? Is Matt Harvey really going to shut himself down the way Stephen Strasburg did in 2012, which might have cost the Nationals a championship?

I could care less if Harvey pitches again this season or in the postseason. The only time I will care how often or how much Harvey pitches is if he one day plays for the Yankees. All I care about is the Yankees winning, and for now, Harvey helped them do that on Sunday night by coming out of that game.

ESPN continued to talk about Harvey as if he’s Clayton Kershaw while the Yankees continued to pour it on against the Mets’ bullpen, which will be their downfall in the postseason. Four runs in the sixth, one run in the seventh and five more runs in the eighth and in a game they could barely get a hit in for five innings, the Yankees won 11-2 and won the 2015 Subway Series 4-2.

When I woke up on Monday morning, I expected the city to be different since the Mets had apparently taken it back despite losing both legs of the Subway Series and watching their franchise ace come out of a game after five innings on Sunday Night Baseball. I thought I would get an email or a phone call to let me know the Mets had taken back the city, but I got nothing. The Mets and their fans are still and always will be the little brother.

Podcasts

Jul 30, 2015

Podcast: Dan Overlock

“Two-a-Days” from The Dan Patrick Show joined me to talk about working for Dan Patrick, the behind-the-scenes stuff from the show, the incredible man cave and the best guests and interviews on the show.

I have always been a fan of Dan Patrick going back to his time with ESPN and then with his radio program The Dan Patrick Show. It’s a show that has a little bit of everything and always seems to have the biggest guests in the sports world and those guests tend to open up a little more on the show than on other shows and in other settings.

Dan Overlock, who is part of The Dan Patrick Show and who is known as “Two-a-Days” on the show, joined me to talk about working for Dan Patrick, the behind-the-scenes stuff from the show, the incredible man cave in Milford, Conn. and the best guests and interviews on the show.

Blogs • Giants

Dec 26, 2013

NFL Week 17 Picks

It seems like it was just Week 1, but now it’s time to say goodbye to the 2013 regular season and get ready for the postseason.

It feels like just yesterday I was writing “Labor Day is the ultimate Catch-22” to start my Week 1 Picks column, the summer was coming to a close and there was still hope the New York Football Giants would be playing a home game for Super Bowl XLVIII. Now here we are with Christmas over and Week 17 and 2014 upon us. (Excuse me while I grab some tissues.)

There are just 27 games left to pick this season and after last week’s 3-13 disaster, a .500-or-better season has become the pipe dream I said it would be back in Week 13. I entered Week 16 needing to finish 28-15 to finish over .500 season, but that huge setback gives me a 104-126-9 record and means I will have to finish at least 25-2 to finish over .500. So if I am to finish over .500, it means I will endure an historical run ever and if you’re actually putting money on the picks, you will win a silly amount of money between now and the Super Bowl. (Or I will continue to crawl through this mediocre season.) I have said over and over how my picks season has mirrored this Giants season and with the Giants just playing to save face and salvage a win once again this week, it looks like I will be doing the same in Week 17.

This week 13 of the 16 games have playoff implications as of now. I say as of now because by 4:00 on Sunday there will be some late afternoon games that mean as much as Giants-Redskins or Vikings-Lions or Titans-Texans do. Right now, there isn’t one playoff team that has locked up their seed. The problem with those 13 playoff implication games is that in eight of them, one of the teams has absolutely nothing at stake. And with 60 minutes of football separating those eight teams from their playoff-less season and the offseason and putting the lost year behind them, it’s hard to gauge what type of effort you might get in those games. One game stands between 14 of the league’s 32 teams and eight months until their next game.

Carolina -6.5 over ATLANTA
The Panthers are going to the playoffs for the first time since 2008 and Jake Delhomme’s five-pick game when the Panthers were 10-point favorites against the Cardinals. But the Panthers will have to win this Sunday to win the NFC South and get a bye because the Saints are home against the Buccaneers and that’s a guaranteed win for the Saints, and if the Saints are to win and the Panthers lose then the Saints win the South and get the bye.

TENNESSEE -7 over Houston
There it is! It’s that Game of the Week …

Somewhere someone who isn’t a Titans or Texans fan is going to bet on this game and watch it in its entirety. Think about that.

(Actually this isn’t the only one. There are two more.)

PITTSBURGH -7 over Cleveland
The Steelers are in if they win and the Ravens, Dolphins and Chargers lose. It seems unlikely and insane, but if you go back to 2006, here’s were the two scenarios the Giants needed to happen to reach the playoffs:

1. Win + Minnesota loss or tie + Atlanta loss + Philadelphia win or tie + Seattle win or tie.

OR

2. Win + Minnesota loss or tie + Atlanta loss + Philadelphia win or tie + San Francisco loss or tie.

The Giants lost 30-7 to the Saints, but the Vikings, Falcons, Seahawks and 49ers all lost too, and the Giants basically hit the biggest parlay ever.

I don’t like the Steelers and I never thought I would want them to succeed, but I’m pulling for them to pull this off.

NEW YORK -3.5 over Washington
There it is! It’s that Game of the Week …

Somewhere someone who isn’t a Giants or Redskins fan is going to bet on this game and watch it in its entirety. Think about that.

(It’s the second of these games.)

There will be plenty of Giants’ non-postseason postseason stuff coming on Monday.

Baltimore +6.5 over CINCINNATI
The Ravens have two ways to get into the playoffs: 1.) Win and have the Dolphins or Chargers lose or 2.) Have the Dolphins, Chargers and Steelers lose. Eleven of the Ravens’ 15 games have been decided by eight points or less, so while I don’t think they will win in Cincinnati, it will likely be a close game.

INDIANAPOLIS -11 over Jacksonville
The 2013 season has been a tale of two seasons for the Jaguars: the pre-bye Jaguars and the post-bye Jaguars. From Weeks 1-8, the Jaguars were 0-8 and lost by 26, 10, 28, 34, 14, 16, 18 and 32 points. But then came their bye and since their bye, they are 4-3. Unfortunately, this week we will see a glimpse of the 0-8 Jaguars with the Colts still playing for a first-round bye even if they won’t get it.

MIAMI -5.5 over New York Jets
This could be Rex Ryan’s last game as head coach of the Jets. I don’t think this should be the end for Rex with the Jets when you consider the team is at worst going to finish 7-9 and could be 8-8 in a year in which their quarterback was Geno Smith and their best receiver was Jeremy Kerley. They had wins over the Patriots and Saints and won in Atlanta back in Week 5 when people thought being the 2012 NFC 1-seed on the road was still a big deal. If Rex deserved to be fired, he deserved to be fired after the 2011 or 2012 season, but Woody Johnson let him hang around for 2013 and he has earned at least another year. But the Jets get things right as often as the Mets do and I fully expect Rex to be fired.

MINNESOTA -3 over Detroit
There it is! It’s that Game of the Week …

Somewhere someone who isn’t a Vikings or Lions fan is going to bet on this game and watch it in its entirety. Think about that.

(And out third completely meaningless game of the week.)

Green Bay -3 over CHICAGO
What if the Dodgers lost Clayton Kershaw for the final months of the season and stumbled to the finish line, but were lucky enough to have the Giants also stumble down the stretch to have Game 162 be winner-take-all for the NL West and now Kershaw is available and set to start against the Giants? Well, that’s what we have for Bears-Packers with the best quarterback in the league returning for the last game of the season with a chance to not only put his team into the playoffs, but end the franchise’s rival’s season. The Bears had their chance to take care of business in Philadelphia last week and were run out of the building on Sunday Night Football and that loss will cost them their season. Goodnight, Chicago. Last one out of Soldier Field, turn off the lights.

NEW ENGLAND -9 over Buffalo
The Ravens couldn’t deliver for me last week against the Patriots and the Dolphins were shut out by the Bills, so my dream of having the Patriots’ division title being at stake in Week 17 was destroyed. The Patriots have won the AFC East again and will beat the Bills and earn the 2-seed and a first-round bye in the playoffs and end up playing one challenging playoff game in three weeks in Denver for a trip to the Super Bowl. I wish the Giants could play in the AFC East.

NEW ORLEANS -13 over Tampa Bay
Let’s simplify picking and gambling. Whenever you pick a favorite, you need two things to happen: 1.) You need the team to win and 2.) You need the team to cover by a certain amount of points. We know the the Saints are going to win this game. That’s not opinion, that’s fact. So No. 1 is taken care of. That leaves No. 2, which won’t be easy, but when you know the Saints are already going to win, how can you not pick them to cover? I would rather need the Saints to blow out the Buccaneers than need the Buccaneers to keep a game close in the Superdome with the offseason in sight.

Denver -13 over OAKLAND
The last time Peyton Manning took over the single-season touchdown record with 49 in 2004, Tom Brady broke it three years later with 50. Manning has the record again with 51 after throwing four touchdowns against the Texans last week and I would think that he wants to put it out of reach of getting broken soon or ever again. With the Patriots playing the Bills and going to beat the Bills, the Broncos will have to win this game to lock up the 1-seed in the AFC, which they have to get if they want to beat the Patriots in the inevitable AFC Championship Game.

ARIZONA 0 over San Francisco
You know there’s a problem with the way sports put so much stock into division titles when the Cardinals could finish the season with 11 wins and not make the playoffs. And even if the Cardinals do beat the 49ers, they aren’t going to make the playoffs because the 10-5 Saints are going to beat the Buccaneers and end the Cardinals’ season. Meanwhile, the NFC East will be won by either a 10-win team or a nine-win team, the NFC North will be won by a nine-win team or an eight-win team, and both the NFC North and South could be won by 10-win teams. There’s no chance the Saints will lose, so I’m rooting for the Cardinals to win this game, finish 11-5 and give talking heads the chance to talk about changing the NFL playoff format (which is usually fine) for at least a week.

Kansas City +9 over SAN DIEGO
The only way the Chargers can get in is if the Ravens lose to the Bengals and the Dolphins lose to the Jets and then they beat the Chiefs. But by the time this game kicks off, the Chargers will know if they have anything to play for and I don’t think they will because I think the Dolphins beat the Jets.

SEATTLE -11.5 over St. Louis
Everyone has talked about whether or not any team can beat the Seahawks in Seattle and the Cardinals proved that teams can. The Seahawks are going to get their division title and 1-seed by beating the Rams, but that Week 16 loss to the Cardinals seems to have changed the minds of a lot of people who though the Seahawks would walk through their two playoff games to MetLife.

DALLAS +7 over Philadelphia
This isn’t as bad as if the Red Sox and Mets were to meet in the World Series, but it’s in the next tier below that. One team has to win (yes, I do realize they could tie) and one team has to win the NFC East and one team has to go to the playoffs. I have mulled over this decision for the last few weeks when it looked like this matchup and scenario would take place and I couldn’t figure out who to root or, but the Tony Romo situation has made it easy for me to pick for the Cowboys. With Romo undergoing back surgery and out for the season, if the Cowboys can win this game with Kyle Orton and reach the playoffs for the first time since 2009 and just the fifth time since 1999 and possibly win a playoff game then what kind of offseason Cowboys quarterback/future debate/circus are we looking at? An epic one.

Last week: 3-13-0
Season: 104-126-9

Blogs • Email Exchanges • Yankees

Jun 18, 2013

A Series of Firsts for Don Mattingly’s Dodgers

The Dodgers are in the Bronx for a two-game series, presenting a lot of firsts at Yankee Stadium, including one with this email exchange with Brittni Michaelis.

The Dodgers are in the Bronx for the first time since 1981 and for the first time since interleague play began and Don Mattingly is at Yankee Stadium in the visiting dugout for the first time. So I figured, let’s keep it going with things happening for the first time. What does that mean? An email exchange with a girl and my girlfriend: Dodger fan Brittni Michaelis.

Keefe: Your Kings couldn’t defend the Cup. Your Lakers were an atrocity. The Vikings quarterback is Christian Ponder. But when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, your $216 million Dodgers are 29-39 and in last place in the NL West. Last place! In the NL West! Again, that’s … Last place! In the NL West! Even Christian Ponder can chime in and say something sucks when it comes to the Dodgers.

Maybe you’ll blame the ownership group for trading for and putting their faith in players who didn’t pan out in Boston and blamed God for losses (Adrian Gonzalez) or wore out their welcome in Boston (Josh Beckett) or got fat (Josh Beckett) or stopped caring about baseball because they had a kid (Josh Beckett) or spend time on the disabled list with mysterious injuries (Josh Beckett) or former stars that even the Marlins didn’t want (Hanley Ramirez) or a $142 million outfielder who broke down like a dumped Bachelor contestant when asked about the media treatment in Boston (Carl Crawford). Maybe you’ll blame Ned Colletti for being the general manager during the time when all of these moves took place. But if you’re going to blame injuries then you came to the wrong place because the Yankees have watched Derek Jeter, Mark Teixeira, Curtis Granderson, Alex Rodriguez, Francisco Cervelli, Kevin Youkilis, Andy Pettitte and Joba Chamberlain all spend time on the disabled list this season.

So if I were to ask you why the Dodgers are 7 ½ games back in the NL West or why they are five games worse than the Padres or why they only have three more wins than the Houston Astros, how would you answer? Actually I’m going to ask you that. Why are the Dodgers so bad and who is to blame?

Michaelis: Well, hello to you too, pal. Thanks for coming out swinging. While you make valid points about the Lakers and Vikings, I refuse to get rattled by you. I refuse.

Despite your ever-so charming wittiness and sarcasm, this Dodgers team is no different from the ones in the past. The issue with this team isn’t the ownership group, injuries or individual players.

Sure, Josh Beckett sucks (0-5 with a 5.19 ERA) and would rather be drinking beers, eating fried chicken and surfing off the coast of Malibu, but can you really blame him? Before he experienced “hand-numbness” and was subsequently put on the disabled list, his last three starts weren’t terrible for him (0-2, 13 IP, 17 H, 12 R, 9 ER, 7 BB, 16 K). But his career might be over because of numbness in his pitching hand, so give the guy a break.

I realize you dislike Gonzalez almost as much as I dislike Jason Schmidt (even the mention of his name makes me angry), but Gonzalez is the only reason why we aren’t 20 games under .500. His stats this season? .303/8/44 with 71 hits. He has a better average (.308), more RBIs (44) and a better OBP (.365) than any Yankee. I’m sure you’re thinking, “Well that’s because the Yankees play in a better division and how can he only have 8 homeruns in the NL West?” But I can’t control what division the Dodgers are in, just like I can’t control the air conditioning on the Metro North.

The issue isn’t one player, the issue is the whole damn team. The lack of chemistry, the lack of consistency and most importantly, the bullpen are the reasons why the Dodgers are 10 games below .500. That bullpen is the death of me. It will be the reason why I have gray hairs before the age of 24. It doesn’t matter what our starting rotation does, the slobs in the bullpen can’t do their job. This happens EVERY year.

You know how in Step Brothers, Dale (Will Ferrell) and Brendan (John C. Reilly) interview for jobs with Seth Rogen’s company and they have it in the bag until Dale screws up and farts? That’s like the Dodgers bullpen. The Dodgers lead the league with 15 blown saves. Their closer, Brandon League, has a 5.54 ERA, has put 41 runners on base in 26 innings and has a .308 batting average against. (Where is Hideo Nomo when you need him?) If Andy Pettitte can still pitch at age 41 then Nomo needs to come out of retirement at the age of 44. Come out, come out, wherever you are, Nomo.

Keefe: I’m embarrassed. For someone who is supposed to be an expert on all things anti-Josh Beckett, I can’t believe I forgot about his surfing/body surfing/boogie boarding trip in Malibu with his gut flopping around in the Pacific Ocean. My apologies.

But your response made me realize two things:

1. I miss being able to talk about people like Josh Beckett, Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford now that they are in the NL West and out of my life.

2. It’s funny how naive you are about the entitled frauds that wear your favorite’s team uniform.

I’m not sure how you or anyone could feel bad for Josh Beckett. Beckett is making $15.75 million this season. So if he made 30 starts, which he has only made once since 2010 and twice since 2008, he would make $1 million per start. But he hasn’t started since May 13 and won’t come close to 30 this season, so do the math. He’s stealing money just like your hero Jason Schmidt did from the Dodgers. Sure, Schmidt only started 10 games (3-6, 6.02 ERA) for the Dodgers in three years after signing a three-year, $47 million deal, but his time on the disabled list likely helped the Dodgers.

I can’t tell you how good it makes me feel to see Beckett have no wins, a 5.19 ERA, a 1.500 WHIP and have grown a third and fourth chin since arriving in Los Angeles. The only bad part is I wish he was doing this in Boston because the media and fans there would have destroyed him while in Los Angeles people feel bad for him.

(Here’s the winless Beckett in 2012 talking about missing a start with a back problem, but being seen on a golf course during the time when he was out of the Red Sox rotation. What a guy!)

As for Adrian Gonzalez, let’s take a trip down memory lane. Here’s what your awesome No. 3 hitter had to say following Game 162 in 2011 after the worst regular-season collapse in Major League Baseball history.

“We didn’t do a better job with the lead. I’m a firm believer that God has a plan and it wasn’t in his plan for us to move forward.”

“God didn’t have it in the cards for us.”

“We play too many night games on getaway days and get into places at 4 in the morning. This has been my toughest season physical because of that. We play a lot of night games on Sunday for television and those things take a lot out of you.”

“They can put the Padres on ESPN, too. The schedule really hurt us. Nobody is really reporting that.”

Poor, Adrian Gonzalez. He has to play baseball for $21 million a year and it’s really hard and demanding. It’s not his fault that his teams, whether it be the Padres or Red Sox or Dodgers, have collapsed down the stretch with him as the focal point of their offenses. Why would it be his fault? And why should he be held accountable?

I just can’t wait for the Dodgers to get the “x” next to their name in the standings for being mathematically eliminated and then when Gonzalez is asked about it, hopefully he blames God for the Dodgers’ failures. I’m sure you will appreciate him then too.

Even if the Dodgers’ problems are team-wide like you believe they are, I believe they stem from the “people” they brought in to play for them. Sometimes we all forget that baseball is more numbers and like a wise man once said, “The game has a heartbeat.” And the Dodgers’ heart could use a triple bypass followed by a strict diet.

The sad thing is Don Mattingly will end up taking the fall for this even though the ownership group and Colletti gave him the wrong pieces. How about the Dodgers fire Mattingly and Donnie Baseball comes back to the Bronx and your Dodgers get a new manager? I like that idea.

Michaelis: I’m sure your just fine without the trio of Beckett, Gonzalez and Crawford in the AL East. Remember you still have Brian Boyle, Mark Teixeira, and Boone Logan (LOL). I’m sure those three are providing you with plenty to talk about. Actually based on your Twitter account, I would say you’re faring just fine without the Dodgers trio.

It’s 2013. I don’t care what Adrian Gonzalez did or said in 2011. The Red Sox collapsed, the Yankees didn’t win the World Series and the Dodgers didn’t even make the playoffs, so what is notable about 2011? Time to move on. I’m talking about the 2013 Adrian Gonzalez. You want to rip him for complaining in 2011 then go ahead, but he’s producing and isn’t the problem.

You can’t buy chemistry. Just look at the team across the way from Chavez Ravine. The Los Angeles Angels (or really the Anaheim Angels) tried to do exactly what the Dodgers are and they are failing. It’s a team-wide problem, guys aren’t producing, and the bullpen … I don’t even have a word for it. The bullpen is a grade A disaster.

A wise fellow once said, “Pitching wins championships” and that’s one thing the Dodgers don’t have. Clayton Kershaw can’t pitch 162 games. If he could, the Dodgers would be undefeated. His supporting cast has been laughable and there isn’t much Adrian Gonzalez, Donnie Baseball, Matt Kemp or hitting coach Mark McGwire can do about that.

I would happily pay Josh Beckett to stay away. Ride the bench, eat all the KFC you want, hang 10 on your long board at Trestles Beach. What’s another $15.75 million? Like you said, Ned Colletti already threw away $47 million when he signed Jason Schmidt in 2007 and he only pitched 10 games for the Dodgers! Easily the best pick-up of 2007.

Since Schmidt didn’t work out and Ted Lilly and Chad Billingsley are both on the DL (such daggers) the Dodgers starting pitching has been a merry-go-round and really the only three consistent pitchers have been Kershaw, Zack Greinke and Hyun-Jin Ryu. The Dodgers starters look like this.

1. Clayton Kershaw (5-4, 1.84 ERA)

2. Zack Greinke (3-2, 4.22 ERA)

3. Hyun-Jin Ryu (6-2, 2.85 ERA)

4. Stephen Fife (1-2, 3.74 ERA)

5. Chris Capuano (1-4, 5.45 ERA)

6. Matt Magill (0-2, 6.51 ERA)

Ready for the bullpen breakdown? Pull up a chair because you might want to sit down for this one.

Kenley Jansen (2.57 ERA)

Paco Rodriguez (3.38 ERA)

Matt Guerrier (3.58 ERA)

Ronald Belisario (4.78 ERA)

Brandon League (5.54 ERA)

Our closer has a 5.54 ERA. A 5.54 ERA. Brandon League hit the jackpot because of Colletti’s stupidity and signed a three-year, $22.5 million deal last year. How does he still have a job? How do either of them still have a job?

Again, the issue isn’t the Boston trio who came to L.A., the issue is that the Dodgers go after players past their prime and expect them to produce the way they did in the past. (Think Nomar Garciaparra, Andruw Jones and Manny Ramirez.) The Dodgers only bright spots are Kershaw, Kemp (when healthy), Gonzalez and Yasiel Puig. If they signed up for a Wiffle ball tournament they would be untouchable. Unfortunately baseball requires nine players.

The Dodgers don’t need triple-bypass surgery, they need a detox. It’s funny hearing this from you, the guy who only likes pasta, pizza and chicken. Maybe you and the Dodgers can sign up for Equinox together? I’m sure they can find the funds somewhere.

Keefe: I’m not sure the Dodgers can afford a monthly membership at Equinox even after getting more than $6 billion in their TV deal. Where are they getting that money? Who is watching them? Do people in Los Angeles even like sports? And if they do, do they like watching a last-place team?

On your point about Kershaw pitching 162 games and being undefeated, well that’s a little farfetched. Kershaw is 5-4 in 15 starts and one of those wins came in a complete-game shutout on Opening Day when he won 1-0 on his own solo home run. So no the Dodgers wouldn’t be undefeated if Kershaw pitched all 162 games. But if he pitched for a team that could actually score runs, then yes that team would probably be undefeated or close to it since the Dodgers average 3.02 runs in games Kershaw starts. Where is the Dodgers’ savior Adrian Gonzalez when Kershaw starts? (I can’t wait for the Dodgers to make a run at the NL West and Gonzalez to show you why he’s an empty-calorie guy as he crumbles in September.)

As for the next two games at Yankee Stadium, Hyun-Jin Ryu scares me because the Yankees have never seen him before and the Yankees are 0-379 in my lifetime when facing a starter they have never seen before. But Hiroki Kuroda gets a chance to go against his former team and when you have a 2.78 ERA in the AL like he does, that usually will translate into good things against an offensively-challenged team like the Dodgers. I like the Yankees in the first game.

In the second game, the bad news is Phil Hughes, who I have zero faith in and who shouldn’t even be a starting pitcher, and who is in his final months being a Yankee and I can’t wait until he is a free agent, is pitching. The good news is he is going against Chris Capuano, proud owner of a 2-6 record and 5.45 ERA. This game could be an offensive gongshow for two teams who have trouble scoring even one run. If Hughes doesn’t lay an A.J. Burnett egg and can keep it close and the Yankees can get into that awesome bullpen you have then I like our chances.

So yes, I’m predicting a two-game sweep from the Yankees, not only because they need it after that horrific West Coast road trip, but like I already knew and you helped confirm: the Dodgers are a bad team.

Michaelis: Actually the Dodgers are first in attendance this season. We don’t have to deal with the wishy-washy suits that the Yankees have to deal with. People in L.A. will actually go to the game regardless of if we’re in first place or last place.

Kershaw going undefeated is farfetched? The Dodgers wouldn’t be undefeated? And here I thought baseball was an individual sport. Yes, the Dodgers need to score runs, they are 29th in runs scored, but again it’s the pitching. The Dodgers have scored 240 runs, but have allowed 289 runs for a -49 run differential. I’m no mathematician, but I’m pretty sure the equation is if you score more runs than you allow, you will win and if you allow less runs than you score, you will win! The Dodgers lineup isn’t producing, but you can’t really blame Gonzalez. No one’s calling him the Dodgers’ savior, but he isn’t the reason we are sitting in last place in the NL West. He is certainly a step up from James Loney.

You know it’s karma. I laughed at you when you said that the Yankees were good, but even you didn’t think they were going to do this well. You wanted them to be .500 when Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez and Mark Teixeira returned, but they’re even better than that with Jeter and A-Rod not back yet and Teixeira returning to the DL. (I hope his wrist is OK.)

From the first chuckle I knew it would come back to bite me in the ass and it did. Or I could blame the Dodgers’ current woes on my lack of team spirit. I haven’t worn my Dodgers socks in a while…

This two-game short lived series should be good. The Dodgers have nothing to lose really, they are 7 1/2 games back and every Dodger fan knows they don’t turn it on until end of August or beginning of September. But the Yankees can’t afford a two-game sweep and possibly be five games back of … the Red Sox! Yikes.

Kuroda’s last five starts have all resulted in losses since apparently the Yankees can’t hit either.But the Dodgers got the luck of the draw in facing Hughes. I’m hoping he has another outing like the one against the Mariners back on May 15 (0.2 IP, 7 ER). JUST ONE TIME, PLEASE! Puig will also be a factor in the series and it will be my first time witnessing the Cuban sensation that Vin Scully loves to watch. Also the Yankees are batting someone named Thomas Neal in the 5-spot so that should be fun.

If Capuano is pitching the series will be split, no matter what the Dodgers do and if suddenly they realize they can swing the bat and hit the ball, Capuano will give up runs and lots of them.

I’m excited to watch my beloved Doyers in the bleachers. I hope Bald Vinny and his crew are nice to me. Donnie Baseball ‘s return to Yankee Stadium should be a great momentous event to help set the stage. Maybe this will be the turning point for the Dodgers? Steal two wins in the Bronx?

I should have made the bet that whoever wins this series gets a free months rent. Things are going to get heated, I can feel it. In the words of the great Vin Scully, “It’s time for Dodger baseball!”

Tag: Clayton Kershaw

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