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The Joe Girardi Show: Season 4, Episode 2

The Yankees are fighting to keep their postseason aspirations alive, but that isn’t stopping Joe Girardi from giving players unnecessary rest.

Michael Kay: “How many games do the Yankees need to win the rest of the way to get into the playoffs?”

Joe Girardi: “Thirty-five, maybe. It might take 35 to get in.”

That’s what happened on an actual episode of The Joe Girardi Show on YES on Saturday night after the Yankees lost to the Tigers, leaving the team with a 58-57 record. If Girardi truly believed on Saturday night that a 93-69 record was needed to make the playoffs, that would mean the Yankees would have go to 35-12 the rest of the way. That’s a .745 winning percentage for a team that through Saturday’s loss had gone 28-39 since starting the season 30-18.

Do you see where I’m going with this? It’s time for another episode of my version of The Joe Girardi Show. Let’s call this episode “Unnecessary Rest.”

What the eff was that lineup on Tuesday night?
You said on Saturday the team had to win 35 of their remaining 47 games to make the playoffs. You won the first two games after saying so and with the team feeling good about itself for the first time in five weeks, here’s the lineup you put together on Tuesday:

Eduardo Nunez, SS
Alfonso Soriano, LF
Robinson Cano, 2B
Alex Rodriguez, DH
Vernon Wells, RF
Curtis Granderson, CF
Jayson Nix, 3B
Lyle Overbay, 1B
Austin Romine, C

Brett Gardner had been 6-for-18 (.333) over the last four games with a home run and 3 RBIs and two walk-off hits against the Tigers in three days. He was on the bench on Tuesday.

Ichiro Suzuki had been 6-for-16 over the last five games. He was on the bench on Tuesday.

Eduardo Nunez had one multi-hit game since July 23 in Texas and is hitting .184 against left-handed pitching this season. Let’s have him hit leadoff against a lefty!

Jayson Nix is hitting .232, .261 against lefties and is 3-for-17 (.176) since coming off the disabled list. Let’s have him in the lineup at all!

Now the Yankees put up 14 runs, which tied a season-high (they also scored 14 on April 9 in Cleveland in the eighth game of the season), and me questioning the lineup after such a win seems ridiculous, but I have to because I questioned it when it was originally announced and after the game started, so I have to here as well to stand my ground.

But you caught a break, Joe, because of a terrible call by home plate umpire David Rackley on Chris Nelson for leaving early on an inning-ending double play in the sixth, which would have tied the game at 4. This led to Mike Scioscia deciding he was going to make Rackley make as many trips to the mound as possible to break up mound visits for the rest of the game as Scioscia used four relievers over the final 3 2/3 innings (though Girardi would have used six over that time without being furious with an umpire). You caught a break, but don’t let it happen again. Don’t let me see Jayson Nix starting another game with A-Rod and Nunez healthy.

Was it really necessary to give A-Rod a day off on Saturday?
On Friday night, Miguel Cabrera fouled a 1-2 pitch from Mariano Rivera off his leg and limped around, wincing in pain, enough pain that Jim Leyland and the Tigers trainer had to come out and check on him. And then he fouled the next pitch of the at-bat off his leg as well. Two pitches later he hit a 427-foot two-run home run to straightaway center field, reaching the net in Monument Park.

On Saturday, Cabrera was back in the lineup and went 3-for-5 with another home run.

And on Sunday, Cabrera beat Number 42 again, on a 2-2 pitch to lead off the ninth inning in what would end up being a third straight blown save for Number 42.

Since fouling those two balls off his body on Friday night against Rivera, Cabrera is 8-for-18 with four home runs and five RBIs and has started all the games since for the Tigers. (Update: He hit another home run on Wednesday.)

On Saturday, Alex Rodriguez wasn’t in the lineup. Why? Here’s what you said about it, Joe:

“It’s a day-by-day. You think about that we had a real late night last night. If we didn’t have that late night, maybe I play him today. It would have been the first day game after a night game. I’m just trying to be proactive in this and make sure that we don’t run him into the ground, where he ends up hurting something else.”

DO YOU NOT REALIZE HOW MANY GAMES ARE LEFT IN THE SEASON? DO YOU NOT SEE THE DEFICIT THE YANKEES NEED TO OVERCOME TO WIN THE DIVISION OR A WILD CARD? IS THIS THE FIRST DAY GAME AFTER A NIGHT GAME HE WOULD BE PLAYING IN HIS CAREER? WHAT ARE YOU BEING PROACTIVE ABOUT? WHY AREN’T YOU TRYING TO RUN HIM INTO THE GROUND? YOU OWE HIM $28 MILLION THIS SEASON! HE JUST HAD A 10-MONTH BREAK! HE IS APPEALING A 211-GAME SUSPENSION! HE MOST LIKLEY ISN’T PLAYING BASEBALL IN 2014 AND MIGHT NEVER PLAY AGAIN! RUN HIM INTO THE GROUND! RUN HIM INTO THE EFFING GROUND!

Sure, Cabrera is 30 years old and the best player in the world and A-Rod is a 38-year-old declining star coming off a second hip surgery in four years, but Jim Leyland had no reason to put Cabrera in the lineup the day after a scary incident like that (which could have destroyed the Tigers season) with the Tigers holding an eight-game lead that day over the Indians. Meanwhile, A-Rod had an off day on Thursday, two days prior to Saturday’s loss, and had played in just four games in 10 months. And he gets a day off for an afternoon game like some backup catcher? Are you effing kidding me? Keep on resting everyone, Joe. Keep on resting everyone like it’s September 2010 again because you have such a big lead on a playoff spot.

Speaking of Cabrera and those home runs against Number 42 …

Why didn’t Mariano Rivera pitch the ninth inning on Monday?
There are 44 games left in the Yankees season today, which means there are 44 games left in Mariano Rivera’s career. But really there are way fewer games left in Rivera’s career because he won’t pitch in all 44. That should mean that it’s time to empty the tank and the right arm of the best relief pitcher in the history of baseball, but for some reason you’re saving Rivera’s right arm for a postseason that might not happen and a 2014 season that’s not happening. Now isn’t the time to count Rivera’s pitches and worry about his innings. I’m pretty sure Mariano Rivera would rather his last game ever be in a postseason setting rather than in the final home game of the season against the Rays on September 26, and even if the Yankees don’t make the playoffs, I’m sure he wants to do everything possible to try to.

On Monday night, the day after Rivera had blown his third straight save, with the Yankees leading the Angels 2-0 in a must-win game at the Stadium, you decided to give your closer a rest and gave the ball to Boone Logan to start the ninth before going to David Robertson for the final two outs of the game. The Angels scored a run to make it 2-1 and with the bases loaded and two outs and a full count on Chris Nelson, Robertson got Nelson to swing at a pitch that would have cleared the backstop betting if Nelson had taken it. Ballgame over! Yankees win! Theeeeeeeeeeee Yankees win! But if anyone else other than Chris “Designated For Assignment” Nelson had been up, the game is likely tied or the Angels are ahead and we’re probably talking about the most obvious second-guess of all time.

I don’t care that Rivera blew a save against the White Sox on Wednesday night and I don’t care that he gave up two home runs to the best hitter on the planet and a fellow first-ballot Hall of Famer and blew two saves against the Tigers in three days. I don’t care that Rivera has blown three straight saves for the first time in his 17 years as a closer. If the Yankees have a lead in the ninth inning and it’s a save opportunity and the starter isn’t going for a complete game then Number 42 better be in the game. No exceptions.

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Yankees-Red Sox Rivalry Back in Boston

The first meaningful Yankees-Red Sox series in Boston in over a year calls for an email exchange with Mike Hurley.

It’s July 19 and the Yankees are in Boston for the first time this season for Games 96, 97 and 98. So good job, MLB schedulers! You nailed this one!

But it’s not only the first time the Yankees are in Boston for the first time this season, it’s all the first time a Yankees-Red Sox series in Boston has meant something since July 2012 and you can argue it’s been longer than that. And with a Yankees-Red Sox series comes the mandatory email exchange with Mike Hurley from CBS Boston.

Keefe: Is that you? Is that really you, Mike Hurley? (Or Michael F. Hurley as your Twitter handle suggests.) It’s been a while. Actually it’s been a really long time. It’s been two months to the day since we last did one of these. Back then the Rangers and Bruins were about to start their Eastern Conference semifinals series, the Knicks were about to play Game 5 against the Pacers and the Yankees had a one-game lead in the AL East. Since then, the Rangers were embarrassed by the Bruins in five games, the Knicks were eliminated two nights later and the Yankees are now six games out of first place in the AL East. So things have been going great over the last 61 days! Thanks for asking!

But I’m not emailing you to rehash what happened to the Rangers against the Bruins and I’m certainly not emailing you to talk about basketball. That leaves us with baseball where the Makeshift Yankees have put together a run to be proud of when you consider Lyle Overbay, Vernon Wells, Travis Hafner, Luis Cruz, Alberto Gonzalez, Chris Stewart, Austin Romine, Zoilo Almonte.

This winter, even without A-Rod, it looked like the Yankees lineup would look something like this:

Derek Jeter, SS
Ichiro Suzuki, RF
Robinson Cano, 2B
Mark Teixeira, 1B
Curtis Granderson, LF
Kevin Youkilis, 3B
Travis Hafner, DH
Francisco Cervelli,
Brett Gardner, CF

But that has been the lineup for zero games this season. Instead here is a list of the players that have the most plate appearances for each position:

C – Chris Stewart
1B – Lyle Overbay
2B – Robinson Cano
3B – David Adams
SS – Jayson Nix
LF – Vernon Wells
CF – Brett Gardner
RF – Ichiro Suzuki
DH – Travis Hafner

And here are the other players that have gotten at least one at-bat with the Yankees:

Brennan Boesch, Ben Francisco, Luis Cruz, Reid Brignac, Chris Nelson, Alberto Gonzalez, Thomas Neal, Corban Joseph and Travis Ishikawa.

I didn’t even put Eduardo Nunez, Zoilo Almonte or Austin Romine on that list because they represent the top-tier of Makeshift Yankees.

But don’t worry, I’m doing fine! Everything’s going well!

How’s your summer?

Hurley: Hey, Thomas Neal is a friend of mine, good guy, we used to work the Saturday night shift at the liquor store down the street. I’m glad to see he made the Yankees this year. Good for him.

My summer? My summer is confusing. I didn’t think the Red Sox were going to be terrible this year, but I definitely didn’t expect them to sit 58-39 at the all-star break, looking like a legitimate playoff team. In April, I hardly gave it much attention, figuring they’d level out at some point. Yet they rebounded from a .500 May to maintain their spot in first place for months. It makes no sense, really.

Consider that through 97 games, the Red Sox have 58 wins. Through the same number of games in 2007, when they were the best team in baseball, they had the exact same record — 58-39. Um, huh?

It’s been pretty impressive, and frankly it’s giving this summer an unexpected boost. I was sort of anticipating a mediocre Red Sox team playing out the string, waiting for a decent but not great Patriots team to kick off their season in September. Instead, thinking about the playoffs is something that non-crazy people are allowed to do. And, the general population still hasn’t caught on, so tickets are still easy to come by for most games. Pretty cool if you ask me.

Hold on, I’ll be right back. Corban Joseph just showed up at my door with my pizza.

Keefe: I hope you tipped him well.

In the offseason, we laughed about the Red Sox rotation after Jon Lester citing Ryan Dempster pitching in the AL, Clay Buchholz’s constant injuries and decline in results over the last few seasons, John Lackey’s awfulness and Felix Doubront being in experienced.

Despite the Red Sox’ record, we weren’t that far off.

Jon Lester hasn’t been good (and hasn’t been since pre-2011 collapse). Ryan Dempster has pitched the way everyone thought “Ryan Dempster in the AL” would pitch. Clay Buchholz got off to an All-Star start, but hasn’t started since June 8. That leaves us with John Lackey, who is having his best season since 2007 and has actually been better than that and Felix Doubront, who has been much better than last year, but hasn’t been anything special.

So if we weren’t that far off, how are the Red Sox in first place in the best division in baseball?

Hurley: Despite you saying so (based on nothing except for your desire to just say it), we actually were pretty far off.

If you can have just five guys make most of your starts, it means you’re in a pretty good spot. And the Red Sox have gotten 86 percent of their starts from those five guys. Buchholz was exceptional for two months, and John Lackey has defied all odds by losing 300 pounds and pitching well, but the rotation as a whole has just simply been consistent and better than you want to give them credit for. The starters’ 3.82 ERA is the second-best mark in the AL, and they’ve gotten 582.1 innings out of their starters, just 3.1 innings fewer than league-leading Detroit. Boston’s starters are second in the AL in strikeouts, too, with Dempster — Dempster! — leading the way with 104 and Lester just behind with 103.

I get your confusion, because when you look at the guys individually, it doesn’t look good. Lester is 8-6 with a 4.58 ERA, Dempster is 5-8 with a 4.24, and Buchholz has joined the witness protection program because — 🙁 — his neck is sore. But collectively, they’ve done the work necessary to keep the Red Sox in just about every game they play. And when you lead all of baseball in runs scored by a huge margin, it always makes the pitching staff look a little bit better.

Keefe: I know that hockey season in Boston just ended like 15 minutes ago and you have a terrible memory anyway, so we’ll let it go, but we did talk about it.

After the magical month that was September 2011, I was treated to the hire of Bobby Valentine and everything that came with the 2012 Boston Red Sox and hoped it would last a lifetime. But here we are at the All-Star break and the Red Sox are right back to where they were in August 2011 thanks to being able to dump their trash on the Dodgers by throwing Snickers wrappers and newspapers and spray painting “The Red Sox were here.” If that trade in August 2012 doesn’t happen, we’re probably still talking about Josh Beckett’s off days and Adrian Gonzalez’s lack of accountability for anything. Instead the Red Sox are in first place and it’s like they got a mulligan for all of their bad decisions and were freed of their clubhouse cancers. It’s bullshit.

Did that trade change the Red Sox back to their pre-September 2011 ways or are guys just performing better after the atrocity that was last season?

Hurley: Are you saying that the Red Sox f’d the Dodgers’ whole a-hole up? That’s a bold call, Larry.

That ridiculously lopsided trade was the most bizarre thing I’ve ever seen. Everyone — locally in L.A. and nationally in places like SportsCenter and Sports Illustrated — rushed to praise the Dodgers for “proving they were committed to winning!” Meanwhile, everyone in Boston was just like, “Wait, for real? What’s the catch? Don’t those people know that Josh Beckett is just the worrrrssssttt???

But that’s not the only reason the Red Sox are playing so much better. It cannot be overstated how much of a poison Bobby Valentine was to this team. From everything I’ve heard from behind the scenes, the guy was every bit the clown he looked to be publicly and then some. Publicly, we got little snippets of it, like the time he didn’t know whether the opposing starter was a righty or lefty and had to be told by Jarrod Saltalamacchia that the lineup was wrong. Stuff like that was a common occurrence with that goober in charge, and frankly I’m a little surprised the athletic department of Sacred Heart hasn’t completely crumbled yet.

So getting rid of him was huge in that players’ spirits weren’t completely broken down upon their arrival at the ballpark every night. Ben Cherington, who’s still hard to really read or evaluate to this point, also made a few small but key additions. Shane Victorino, much to my surprise, has been pretty awesome filling a spot in the top of the lineup that’s been vacant for years. Mike Napoli signed on for $39 million, only to be told his hip was so bad that he’d only be getting $5 million, and he’s been a pretty solid, reliable addition to the middle of the order, despite all the strikeouts.

Add in Ortiz, Pedroia and Ellsbury all pretty much playing like you’d expect them to, and it’s easy enough to see how it’s all working. The Dodgers, committed to winning, are one game under .500 since taking on all of the Red Sox’ dead weight. Thanks, L.A., you’re the best!

Keefe: Shane Victorino’s playing? And Mike Napoli? And David Ortiz? And Dustin Pedroia? And Jacoby Ellsbury? Wow, that must be nice. I guess you’re feeling the way I would feel if Derek Jeter, Mark Teixeira, Curtis Granderson, Alex Rodriguez, Kevin Youkilis and Francisco Cervelli (yes, Francisco Cervelli) were playing. But they’re not and we’re stuck with the names I gave you earlier.

Things aren’t getting any better either as Derek Jeter will start the second half on the disabled list retroactive to when he injured his quad in his first game back since the Game 1 of the ALCS. But A-Rod is coming back on Monday night in Texas, if he isn’t given a 150-game suspension or banned from the game Pete Rose style, so at least we’re getting back our 38-year-old $29 million singles hitter!

The weird thing is I still believe in the Yankees. Not the Makeshift Yankees. But the real Yankees, when and if they ever come back. I think it’s a miracle this team has the record it does and is in the position its in despite having everyone short of you playing for them this season.

If I believe in the 51-44 Yankees who are six games back in the division then you must really believe in the Red Sox for the first time in 23 months. Do you believe in the Red Sox or do you miss the days of 2012 when Bobby Valentine was being praised for building a fence, fans were wearing paper bags over their heads and tickets to Fenway Park cost less than a single T Fare?

Hurley: It’s weird here. On the one hand, seeing this team compete like this has been a pretty fun, refreshing change of pace. Don’t get me wrong, last year was hilarious, and it was fun to watch, but only in the way watching awful reality television is entertaining. (Speaking of which, I can’t believe Bob Valentine doesn’t have his own reality show.) This year’s team has done enough to prove to me that they’re for real.

The problem with the Red Sox is, like you, I’m not counting out the Yankees, and you can’t count out the Orioles or the Rays. All of this positivity for the Red Sox could end up leaving them at the end of the season with the same playoff prospects as last year. It’s a pretty ridiculous race in the AL East right now, but hey, thank goodness some crappy team from the NL West will by default be given a free pass to the divisional round while a much more qualified team in the AL East (or perhaps two teams) will be forced to put its season on the line in a three-hour exhibition that will wipe out the work done over the previous six months! Wahoo!

With the reality of a one-game playoff, how can you ever feel good about your team’s chances when it’s involved in a tight divisional race? An idiot umpire could botch an infield-fly call and allow a team that won six fewer games than you to advance to the divisional round while you go home for the winter.

I guess my point is that baseball is stupid.

Keefe: You still haven’t come around on the one-game playoff? OK, good because I haven’t either and I never will. But don’t forget what everyone says: Just win your division! It’s that easy!

I guess my optimism for the Yankees comes from the fact they still play the Red Sox 12 times, the Rays nine times and the Orioles seven times. And let’s not forget the Yankees have three games with the Padres and close the season with a three-game series in Houston. So if the season comes down to the final weekend, I will feel good knowing that the Yankees will play the Astros, but I will be worried about my emotional state if the Astros keep the Yankees out of the playoffs. Let’s hope the season doesn’t come down to the final three games.

As for this weekend, we get Andy Pettitte-Felix Doubront, Hiroki Kuroda-John Lackey and CC Sabathia-Jon Lester. So that means the Pettitte-Doubront game will be the 2-1 pitching duel and the Sunday Night Baseball matchup will be the 14-12, six-hour affair that leaves you owing all of next weekend to your wife for staying up until 2 a.m. to watch baseball on Sunday night and being too tired to do anything on Monday after work.

The Yankees are still very much alive, but they need to start putting together series wins like they did in April and May. What better place to start doing that than this weekend in Boston?

Hurley: D will be asleep before first pitch, because she’s better at life than you and I.

This is a fun series, though. For the first time in a while, I’m really excited about a series in Boston. I kind of feel like baseball’s back, though I do have this sort of guarded position. When things were as bad as they were last year, it still feels like this whole “winning” thing is a mirage. At the same time, if the Red Sox sweep the Yankees this weekend and crush your soul, I might be fully on board.

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The Joe Girardi Show: Season 4, Episode 1

The Joe Girardi Show returns for a fourth season after the manager’s questionable lineup decision cost the Yankees.

The Yankees scored one run on Tuesday. They scored one run on Monday. They scored one run on Sunday. If they score one run (or less) on Wednesday night at the Stadium, I might finally go through with my threat to move to Europe and become a soccer fan.

Nine days ago I wrote about the “Final 14 Games” for the Yankees and how the 14 games against the Twins, Orioles and Royals would make or break the 2013 season and the Yankees responded by winning six in a row and nearly seven before a rare blown save from Number 42. But now that near-seventh win that turned into a ninth-inning loss has turned into a three-game losing streak with five games separating the Yankees and the All-Star Game (aka Mets fans’ World Series).

On top of the Yankees’ inability to score runs, Derek Jeter is ready to return to the majors and hasn’t yet because of this unnecessary need to have him play back-to-back full games.

Things are bad in the Bronx right now though it’s not burning just yet. But if the Yankees can’t find a way to win three of the last five games of the “first half” then we might have a five-alarm fire when the “second half” starts with the Yankees facing the Red Sox, Rangers, Rays and Dodgers to end July.

The “first half” is over in five games and I have yet to write an episode of The Joe Girardi Show. This has to do with Girardi actually doing a great job with the Makeshift Yankees through 90 games and it being extremely hard to get on Girardi or the Makeshift Yankees for underachieving of late (because are they really underachieving?) when they have overachieved all season. So while it might be long overdue, here’s the fourth season premiere with analysis of Girardi’s quotes from Tuesday night rather than me asking fake questions to Girardi.

“We’re going to have to score more runs. I believe they can do it.”

This quote shows that Girardi does understand that it’s going to be difficult to win games when you score just one run, even if your $23 million “ace,” making $676,470.59 per start can’t hold a lead or hold a No. 9 hitter with 215 career plate appearances and two career home runs entering Tuesday night in the park.

“Believe” is a strong word to use, especially if you’re the manager of the Yankees talking to the New York media and using the word to describe a lineup that aside from Robinson Cano (who is streaky and can’t really be trusted), Brett Gardner (who is every bit as streaky as Cano) and Ichiro Suzuki (who has transformed into streaky from consistent) is the worst contending lineup in the American League.

“Any time you get four hits in an inning, you think you’re going to get more than one run.”

James Shields has been called “Big Game James” throughout his career despite his 2-4 record and 4.98 ERA in six postseason starts, including two of the Rays’ three losses to the Red Sox in the 2008 ALCS. But on Tuesday night when the Yankees had Shields on the ropes with the bases loaded and one out and one run already in, they couldn’t score another run. Forget about trying to score the rest of the game as the Yankees would record just two more hits (both singles) the rest of the game.

“As I’m asked that question on a yearly basis, what you’re asking me to do is kind of put down the guys in that room and I’ll never do that.

Since you won’t, I will with the next quote and the following analysis …

“We have not scored a ton of runs all year long. As I said when we left spring training, we were going to have to win a lot of close games. We weren’t going to score the runs we probably did last year. And that’s what we’re going through.”

The Yankees have been shutout seven times. They have scored one run 11 times. They have scored two runs 11 times. They have scored three runs 15 times. That means in 44 of their 90 games (49 percent) they have scored three runs or less. A team that used to be on pace and challenge the 1,000-run mark is now averaging 3.9 runs per game and is on pace to score 630 runs this season, which would be the franchise’s lowest total since 1990 when they scored 630 runs (an average of 3.7 runs per game.).

Is Girardi responsible for the offensive slumps of the Makeshift Yankees and this current offensive drought? Of course not. But he’s not fully off the hook for this debacle either. Girardi has no one to blame for the Yankees’ one-run effort on Monday night after he posted this lineup in the Yankees clubhouse:

1. Brett Gardner, CF
2. Zoilo Almonte, LF
3. Robinson Cano, 2B
4. Travis Hafner, DH
5. Vernon Wells, RF
6. Travis Ishikawa, 1B
7. Luis Cruz, SS
8. Alberto Gonzalez, 3B
9. Austin Romine, C

The Yankees’ lone run didn’t come until Girardi had Lyle Overbay hit for Ishikawa in the seventh after the newest Yankee had struck out swinging twice in his debut and made Steve Pearce look like Babe Ruth at the plate. Ishikawa, Gonzalez and Romine combined to go 0-for-6 in the game and all three were replaced for offensive reasons before the game ended.

So if there was a chance that Ishikawa, Gonzalez and Romine could be hit for by Overybay, Ichiro and Chris Stewart respectively, then why was that trio ever allowed to start the game? Isn’t the purpose of a day off to actually get a day off? Did Girardi think he could steal a win from an actual Major League team with Phil Hughes on the mound and a lineup that recent Padres teams would laugh at?

This idea that Overbay needs rest is about as good of an idea as trying Eduardo Nunez at catcher. Overbay is 36 years old and is signed to a one-year, $1.25 million deal, which the Yankees made in beer sales from the bleachers alone before the third inning on Tuesday night. If Overbay breaks down or gets injured it doesn’t matter because he’s expendable and there is nothing at all invested in him. The Yankees should be riding him at first base until he does break down for the very reason that he’s only making $1.25 million and is worth nothing to them after 2013.

Ichiro also doesn’t need rest. He might be 39 years old, but he’s in better shape than just about every other player in the league and very well could be the most physically fit player of the 750 players in Major League Baseball. He played in all 162 games last year, 161 in 2011 and 162 in 2010. He has played at least 146 games every year of his career. He DOES NOT need days off.

It’s scary that the Yankees need Eduardo Nunez right now and they will continue to need him even after Jeter returns. But Nunez is no longer on the team to give Girardi a right-handed option off the bench or to give Jeter or A-Rod a day off. He’s on the team to play and play every single game. But on Monday night, Nunez started the night on the bench after playing two games since coming off the disabled list, which he was on for TWO MONTHS. It’s impossible that a 26-year-old Major League athlete could be tired, fatigued or overworked after playing 18 innings of baseball after having last played in the league 62 days ago and it’s impossible that Girardi could give him a day off after two games back.

“I think his (Derek Jeter) presence is going to help us. He’s used to so many things that happen in New York and understands the landscape here. I think his attitude will help us.”

Oh, you think Derek Jeter will help you? Get the eff out here! Derek Jeter will help the 2013 Yankees? Come on!

My favorite part about this quote is that Girardi talks about Jeter like he’s some free-agent signing making his return to New York and he needs to sell his abilities to the media and the fans. It’s Derek Effing Jeter, Joe. Derek Effing Jeter.

Jeter has said that he’s ready to return to the team (though he probably also said he was fine to play in Game 2 of the ALCS), but he’s still playing rehab games at Triple-A. Meanwhile, Girardi is using a shortshop platoon of Eduardo Nunez, Alberto Gonzalez and Luis Cruz to fill the void left by Jeter, which was then left by Jayson Nix. No big deal. These games don’t matter.

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Opening Day Debacle

The Yankees were embarrassed at home on Opening Day with a makeshift lineup and CC Sabathia on the mound.

Opening Day never really feels like Opening Day. Monday didn’t feel like it would be the first day of baseball nearly every day for the next six months (and hopefully for a seventh month). Even as I rode a packed 4 train to 161st Street, bouncing around between strangers like Cheri Oteri in a Roxbury Brothers skit on Saturday Night Live, it didn’t feel like I was going to a real game. And it especially didn’t feel like I was going to a real game because this is what I woke up to on Monday morning.

Gardner 8
Nunez 6
Cano 4
Youkilis 3
Wells 7
Francisco 0
Suzuki 9
Nix 5
Cervelli 2

Given the names, that’s about the worst Opening Day lineup you could imagine as a Yankee fan, but it was even worse when you realize the way Joe Girardi decided to organize those names.

It’s hard to argue with Vernon Wells hitting fifth in the lineup since there weren’t many options even if Wells hasn’t hit like a No. 5 hitter in three years. And it’s hard to argue against Ben Francisco being in the lineup since there were no other right-handed bats available on the bench and Girardi would give up eating before he would he would give in to inserting a left-handed bat against a left-handed pitcher if he didn’t have to. But Ichiro hitting seventh on Opening Day against a left-handed pitcher in the worst regular-season Yankees lineup in two decades is the most Joe Girardi thing Joe Girardi could have done. Girardi’s need to go lefty-righty down the entire order is appalling, disgusting and disturbing and his overmanaging in Game 1 of 2013 was just as bad as his overmanaging in Game 1 of 2012 when he had Sabathia intentionally walk Sean Rodriguez. (He had Sabathia intentionally walk Jonny Gomes on Monday, so at least he’s consistent). The idea that Eduardo Nunez should be hitting second in this lineup or any lineup ever is more unfathomable to me than New York City just now extending subway service on the East Side. And the only thing Girardi’s creation was missing was Steve Pearce hitting cleanup.

I will commend Girardi for finally hitting Robinson Cano third after all these years. All it took was A-Rod suffering a possible career-ending injury and needing surgery and Mark Teixeira enduring a “strained” wrist for Girardi to put Cano into the 3-hole in the lineup since he hasn’t been the best player on the team for three-plus years now or anything.

The lineup really didn’t matter on Opening Day because when your starter puts 12 men on base in five innings, and gives up four runs, it’s hard to win, even if the opponent is last year’s last-place team. If CC Sabathia is going to lay an A.J. Burnett-like egg while being backed by a lineup that features the Ghost of Vernon Wells and the recycled Ben Francisco in power spots then the Yankees are going to have even more problems than wondering about the health of Derek Jeter, Curtis Granderson, A-Rod and Teixeira.

Here’s what CC Sabathia has now done in five Opening Days with the Yankees.

April 6, 2009 @ BAL: 4.1 IP, 8 H, 6 R, 6 ER, 5 BB, 0 K

April 4, 2010 @ BOS: 5.1 IP, 6 H, 5 R, 5 ER, 2 BB, 4 K

March 31, 2011 vs. DET: 6 IP, 6 H, 3 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 7 K

April 6, 2012 @ TB: 6 IP, 8 H, 5 R, 5 ER, 3 BB, 7 K

April 1, 2013 vs. BOS: 5 IP, 8 H, 4 R, 4 R, 4 BB, 5 K

I want the “CC Sabathia isn’t good on Opening Day or in March and April” narrative to stop. (He’s 20-15 with a 4.18 ERA in March and April.) Sabathia gets paid the same amount in March and April that he does in May, June, July, August and September. That means that over 34 starts per year, the amount is $676,470.59 and Sabathia’s problems shouldn’t be written off the same way Mark Teixeira’s problems are (when he’s playing) in the same months. Yesterday while I was battling the elements of April weather in New York in the right field bleachers, battling the sore sight that is the 2013 New York Yankees lineup and battling the $11 Coors Light prices, CC Sabathia was making almost $700,000 and then having excuses made for him by beat writers because he’s a “slow starter” as the Yankees lost for the first time at home on Opening Day since 1982.

Sabathia fell apart in the second inning after he walked the fearsome Jarrod Saltalamacchia, gave up a single to the vaunted Jonny Gomes, walked Hall-of-Fame bound Jackie Bradley Jr., despite getting ahead of him 0-2, and then gave up an RBI single to the heavy-hitting Jose Iglesias. It was the 6-7-8-9 hitters that started the second-inning downfall for Sabathia and it was Shane Victorino and Dustin Pedroia who did the damage as Sabathia was forced to throw 34 pitches to nine hitters in the inning.

Sabathia is the most important Yankee in 2013 just like he has been every year since 2009. It’s his job to carry the rotation and for now carry the team every fifth day until the lineup resembles something that’s not only worthy of wearing pinstripes, but of being in Major League Baseball. On Monday, he failed to his job and was outpitched by a starter and hit around by a lineup that’s failed their team for the last two years. Sabathia lost in his typical Opening Day fashion to a team coming off a 93-loss season and sent Yankee fans into the first off day of the season counting down the minutes until Hiroki Kuroda’s first pitch on Wednesday.

Yankee Stadium looked empty on TV in the ninth inning of Opening Day as I watched from Billy’s Sports Bar on River Ave. to the point that I thought the game had ended and an entire inning had been played in my two-minute walk from the bleachers to the bar. And on Tuesday, everyone wanted to talk about how Yankee fans should feel embarrassed and ashamed for leaving early and not sticking around in the rain and freezing temperature to watch the Yankees try to erase a five-run deficit in the bottom of the ninth inning with Lyle Overbay, who was released by the Red Sox a week ago leading off. I don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed for leaving early. I feel embarrassed and ashamed for staying as long as I did.

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Fake Mailbag: March 15, 2013

It’s the debut of the Fake Mailbag with questions from Sam Rosen, Derrek Lee, Brian Cashman and Mark Teixeira.

I wanted a way to tie in multiple sports to one column without writing things in bullet points and trying to keep some sort of flow to it all and I didn’t really know how to make it all work. So I finally came up with the idea of a Fake Mailbag, which would allow me to create questions that I want to answer (it’s not as weird as it sounds … OK, maybe it’s a little weird) from real sports figures since they would never actually ask me these questions or ask anyone these questions. (Except for Brian Cashman. He actually did ask the question I wrote for him.)

We’ll take it slow with just a few questions this week and try to build it in the coming weeks, but I thought for this week it was important to address the Rangers’ and Yankees’ situations.

Why does John Tortorella always yell at me after his team loses?
– Sam R., New York, N.Y.

After Tuesday’s loss to Buffalo, Sam Rosen started John Tortorella’s postgame press conference by asking, “Do you think the Sabres were the hungrier team in this game?” Here’s how Tortorella responded.

“Oh, no … they were … no, no I don’t think the Sabres were the hungrier team. I thought we stunk and I’m not going to give Buffalo any credit. Well, I will give their third line credit. They outplay our top players and that can’t happen. I couldn’t be more disgusted and disappointed with the way our top guys played, the way we handled ourselves through it. That team was ripe to be beaten and we simply did not play the way we’re supposed to play. I don’t know what to tell you. Did you ask them? Did you ask them any questions? I don’t know why I always have to answer these questions. You should ask them occasionally about what happened. Did they answer your questions? Were they in the room? What did they say? Tell me. Let me ask some questions here.”

When Vince Vaughn’s character, Jamie O’Hare flips out on Rudy in Rudy at practice for his effort and Coach Parseghian asks him, “What’s the problem, O’Hare?” O’Hare responds, “Last practice and this asshole thinks it’s the Super Bowl.” Coach Parseghian answers, “You just summed up your entire sorry career here in one sentence!”

That’s what John Tortorella did with his Tier I meltdown. In 53 seconds, Tortorella summed up his time as head coach of the New York Rangers and discredited the Sabres’ win along the way (even though they were playing without Ryan Miller). It’s always everyone else’s fault. The players, the opponent, the media. It’s never John Tortorella’s fault.

But it didn’t end there.

After Tortorella asks the media if they asked his players any questions, which they obviously did since that’s their job, Rosen asks Tortorella to “talk about hunger around the net too,” and Tortorella looks at Rosen and then looks away and asks, “Does anybody else have a question?” Rosen goes to put the microphone to his face and Tortorella responds, “I’m sure you do, Sam.” So Rosen asks, “Well, the inconsistency, it’s got to be a little frustrating when you think that you’re starting to get inconsistent…” Tortorella cuts him off and says, “I just, I just told you what I thought. I told you what I thought.”

The Rangers aren’t good. They’re not bad. They’re average. That’s what you are when you win half of your games. And at 13-11-2 that’s what the Rangers have done in what has been a disastrous 62 percent of the season. And through that 62 percent, Tortorella hasn’t even hinted at the idea that any of the 13 losses could be any bit his fault.

I fully understand why Tortorella yells at and belittles Rosen in the postgame press conferences. Rosen broadcasts the Rangers games from high above ice level and has appeared in zero games for the Rangers this season or any season and he doesn’t create the line combinations or fill out the lineup, so it makes complete sense as to why the head coach of the team would take out his frustration on the MSG Network’s play-by-play man. Rosen clearly had a negative impact on Tuesday’s loss and it’s not like Tortorella has the power to decide who plays and when and who plays with who, and it’s not like it’s up to him to get the best out of the Rangers players. So while you might think I would feel sympathetic for Rosen, I don’t. It’s your fault the Rangers are in ninth place and can’t find any offensive consistency, Sam Rosen. Leave John Tortorella alone. He has nothing to do with this.

I’m 37 years old. I haven’t played in a baseball game since Sept. 28, 2011. I hit .267/.325/.446 in 2011. Why do Brian Cashman and the New York Yankees want me to play first base for them?
– Derrek Lee, Sacramento, Calif.

I’m not sure if Cashman suffered a concussion along with his broken ankle during his skydiving accident, but The Golden Knight is looking at his second-worst offseason as Yankees general manager. (The first obviously being when he decided that he would go into 2007 with Carl Pavano and Kei Igawa making up 40 percent of his rotation.)

If Cashman were to sign Lee, that would give the Yankees an Opening Day infield of Lee, Robinson Cano, Derek Jeter and Kevin Youkilis. The outfield would be Brett Garden, Ichiro Suzuki and we’re not sure of the third outfielder yet. The catcher will probably be Chris Stewart to catch CC Sabathia since personal catchers are always a good idea. That lineup would be good for the mid-2000s Orioles, but the 2013 Yankees?

Lee last played in a Major League game on Sept. 28, 2011. He hit .267/.325/.446 in 113 games for the Orioles and Pirates. It would be one thing if Lee was looking to rebound off a bad 2012 and could come on the cheap after a solid 2011 to show that he isn’t that far removed from being productive. But Lee isn’t looking to rebound off a bad 2012 because he didn’t play in 2012 and he isn’t coming on the cheap after a solid 2011 because he wasn’t good in 2011.

But none of this really even matters since Lee turned down the Yankees’ offer. That’s right. Derrek Lee, at 37, turned down FREE MONEY to put on the pinstripes and serve as a role player with no pressure for the most prestigious and popular team in baseball. He didn’t want guaranteed money and to be a major leaguer again for the MakeShift Yankees. And I thought things hit rock bottom when Cliff Lee left money on the table to go to Philadelphia. But I think Derrek Lee not taking an offer from the Yankees when he has no other offers and isn’t playing baseball anymore is rock bottom.

I can’t find Chipper Jones’ agent’s number anywhere. Do you have it?
– Brian C., Darien, Conn.

If you thought things were bad or miserable to embarrassing when there were rumors that Cashman wanted Lee, how did you feel when you found out that the general manager of the New York Yankees didn’t have the phone number of one of the game’s best players over the last 20 years?

I didn’t think for one second that Jones would come to the Yankees (and I didn’t want him to either just like I didn’t want Lee to take Cashman up on his offer) since he had played all 2,499 games in the majors with the Braves and had already taken less money during his career to stay a Brave forever. So why would he throw that all away and join the Makeshift Yankees? He wouldn’t and he was never going to.

Everyone can make fun of me and say that I’m the new Jason Giambi and that I’m getting paid $22.5 million a year to only play defense and that my career is in decline and that I’m overpaid and that I got a free pass to criticism because A-Rod won us the World Series in 2009, but everyone is going to miss me for the first two months of the season. You’ll see. They’re going to miss me. I know it. Theyre’ going to miss me, right? Right?!?!
– Mark T., Greenwich, Conn.

I felt like a Vegas sportsbook pulling the Steelers game off the board with Ben Roethlisberger’s playing status uncertain when it was announced Mark Teixeira would be out for up to 10 weeks because the news completely altered the “2013 Ladies and gentlemen…” race and I had to quickly change the odds. With Teixeira out for two months I had to adjust the odds for this season’s overall winner and here are the current odds:

Joe Girardi: -600

Eduardo Nunez: -450

Francisco Cervelli: -320

Mark Teixeira: -250

Boone Logan -180

Field: EVEN

Teixeira is out with a strained wrist. A strained wrist. Not a broken wrist. Not something that requires surgery or a cast or a pin or a screw or reconstruction or a titanium rod. A strained wrist.

On Feb. 7, I broke down Mark Teixeira’s interview with the Wall Street Journal. And in that interview he hinted at the idea that he might break down.

“To think that I’m going to get remarkably better, as I get older and breaking down a little bit more, it’s not going to happen.

It only took 27 days for that little bit of foreshadowing from the $22.5 million-per-year first baseman to come to fruition.

But to answer your question, Mark T. from Greenwich, Conn., I won’t miss Mark Teixeira’s April at the plate, but I will miss his defensive skills and the amount of errors and runs he saves at first base. If Teixeira would suck up his pride and try to hit to the left side of the field from the left side of the plate or just drop two or three bunts down the third-base line to end the Michael Kay “Martini Glass” Shift then I would really miss Mark Teixeira because he might be the .292/.383/.565 guy he was in 2009 and not the .251/.332/.475 he has become and was in 2012.

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