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Author: Neil Keefe

Blogs • Yankees

Jun 5, 2012

A Sunday with John and Suzyn

It’s always entertaining to listen to John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman broadcast a Yankees game. But it’s even better when that game is the final game of an 11-day, nine-game road trip.

Last June with the Brewers at the Stadium for a three-game series, which the Yankees would sweep, I decided to listen to John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman while I wrote down my thoughts from their broadcast. I have wanted to do it again since, but wasn’t sure when the time would be right. With the debut of this site and the Yankees wrapping up an 11-day, nine-game road trip, and figuring John and Suzyn would be at their “best,” Sunday seemed like the perfect time to do it again.

Here’s what transpired on Sunday afternoon at Comerica Park…

TOP 1ST
If there’s ever a “You can’t predict baseball” matchup for John and Suzyn, this is it. Justin Verlander, the reigning AL MVP and Cy Young winner against Phil Hughes, the reigning The Only Reason We Still Believe He Is A Starter Is Because We Picked Him In The First Round Eight Years Ago winner. I have already sarcastically tweeted that I’m excited for this Phil Hughes start in my attempt at flipping this around Leon Black style from Curb Your Enthusiasm.

The last time I did this there wasn’t a single “You can’t predict baseball” reference. That would be like Phil Hughes making a start without giving up a home run. It just doesn’t happen. And if it happens again today it would be monumental. There’s no way you can pick two random games to listen to an entire broadcast from John and Suzyn and get a “You can’t predict baseball” no-no in back-to-back games nearly a year apart. It’s impossible.

I said it already, but I think it’s important to say again that is the last game of an 11-day, nine-game road trip for the Yankees and it’s a day game and a getaway day game following a devastating walk-off loss from about 14 hours ago. In other words, this has all of the makings of a recipe for disaster. Did I mention that it’s Phil Hughes against Justin Verlander?

Suzyn: “And as the Captain, Derek Jeter, steps up to the plate, stepping up to the microphone is the voice of the New York Yankees … here is John Sterling.”

John: “Well, Suzyn, I thank you.”

And before John can even give Verlander’s numbers…

John: “Swung on and hit in the air to right field and deep … back goes Boesch on the track at the wall … SHE’S GONE!  Oh, what a beginning! The captain homers the opposite way to right field on Verlander’s first pitch! The first-ball fastball he hit over the right field stands. El Capitan! He homers and the Yankees take a 1-0 lead! And Suzyn does that ever underscore about how you can’t predict baseball?”

Suzyn: “You cannot predict baseball!”

Well, that takes care of me worrying about not hearing “You can’t predict baseball.”

Justin Verlander might be the best pitcher on the planet, but he doesn’t really scare me as much as rookie lefties do against the Yankees or any pitcher making his Major League debut. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true, and I bet I’m not the only one that thinks this way. The Yankees have now scored in the first inning in each of their last five games against Verlander and six of the last seven if you include the ALDS. If they can find a way to win today they will be 2-0 against Verlander this year. Give me Verlander over the 21-year-old lefty that looks like he’s 15 making his Major League debut on Sunday Night Baseball in Yankee Stadium any day of the week.

Curtis Granderson walks on four pitches and after the count goes to 1-2 on A-Rod and John gets into some more about predicting baseball…

“It’s funny … you can talk baseball … you can have the experts … you can have predictions … analyze it … I’d like to know the person who felt that Jeter would homer on the first pitch off Verlander.”

A-Rod walks, and the Yankees have first and second and no one out.

“Here’s Cano and the pitch is … in the dirt … it gets away from Santos! Well, runners at second and third and now if the Yankees make the right kind of outs they can actually take a 3-0 lead. I know he’s a tough pitcher … he’s the toughest!”

John gives a recap of what’s happened and then Suzyn corrects his previous call.

Suzyn: “And he just gave him a passed ball on that because that ball did not hit the dirt. That ball was bounced off of Santos’ glove … he’s not a great catcher.

John: “No…”

Wild pitch? Passed ball? In the dirt? Off a glove? Ah, who cares?

The inning ends with the Yankees leading 2-0. Hughes blew a 3-0 lead in the bottom of the first inning in his last start, so I’m setting the over/under at 1.5 innings until the Tigers tie the game or take the lead, and once this happens, how badly will John and Suzyn cover for him? Then again, the Yankees lead 2-0 against Justin Verlander and I have already heard the word “predict” several times and we haven’t even played a full inning. Can it possibly get any better than this? Should I just turn the game off now?

BOTTOM 1ST
Four Sundays ago I did a retro recap of Hughes’ start against the Royals for WFAN.com in an attempt to find out if Hughes belongs in the rotation and to find out just what Phil Hughes is since he’s now in his sixth season in the majors, and no one really knows if he should be part of the rotation or the bullpen. Hughes pitched his first quality start of the year in that game and then went on a little run for a few weeks before the Angels embarrassed him in front of his family and friends last week. I hope I can have the same impact on the game I did four Sundays ago.

John introduces Phil Hughes and his numbers by saying Hughes “has pitched much better of late.” What? Is this real life? This is Hughes’ 11th start of the year. He has three quality starts so far, and in his last outing against the Angels he gave away a 3-0 lead in the first inning and allowed 11 hits and seven earned runs in 5 1/3 innings. But hey, he’s been much better of late!

Hughes retires Quintin Berry and Danny Worth.

“There are two away … here is Mag … I was going to say Magglio Ordonez. Here is Miguel Cabrera!”

I guess it’s hard to get on John for trying to activate Magglio Ordonez and hit him third in the Tigers lineup since he is at the park today and since Miguel and Magglio both begin with the letter “M.”

Cabrera walks and a passed ball allows him to move to second with two outs.

John: “Now first base is open, so you can pitch carefully to Fielder.”

I’m not sure that’s the best advice, John. This is Phil Hughes pitching, not CC Sabathia. I don’t think we want to be giving free passes in the first inning with the dangerous Yankee killer Delmon Young on deck. But Hughes has been “much better of late,” so what do I know?

Hughes retires Fielder to end the inning.

TOP 2ND
Nick Swisher singles to lead off the second inning bringing up Eric Chavez.

John: “Verlander deals… swung on and popped in the air to left … going back is Kelly … on the track … leaps … and he’s made another catch! Last night he robbed Teixeira of a homer … this time I’d say he robbed Chavez of a double! That ball went a lot further than I ever thought!”

I’ll say it went a lot further than being “popped in the air to left.”

It does feel like I’m using a cheat sheet by watching the game muted on YES while listening to John and Suzyn just to see how good of a job they are doing. (I’m sure Michael Kay wasn’t exactly all over that Chavez out either.) On a side note: Don Kelly reminds me of David Murphy.

The replay shows the ball clearly would have bounced and hit the wall, but that doesn’t stop Suzyn from saying, “I think that would have been a home run” despite her seeing the replay.

Russell Martin walks as the fifth Yankee to reach in the first two innings and Suzyn adds, “I cannot picture a game when I have seen Justin Verlander like this.” Since I’m giving out doppelgangers (I feel like Michael Kay talking about Paul Byrd as Kelsey Grammer and Jeff Niemann as Jeff Daniels) well Justin Verlander has always reminded me of Jason Lee. Stillwater, anyone? “Fever Dog!”

BOTTOM 2ND
Suzyn is giving her first scoreboard of the day, so I decided to go back to the last time I did this to see what I said about Suzyn and her scoreboards.

Suzyn is giving her first scoreboard update of the day. The best part of the scoreboard updates is that John clearly hates them. He hates that his broadcast gets hijacked momentarily and hates that he has to interrupt Suzyn to give the play-by-play. It breaks up his flow and his rhythm and I kind of agree. And maybe the scoreboards can be taken out of the broadcast? I know it would be like taking away someone’s lines in a play in that Suzyn’s airtime would be cut down significantly, but it’s 2011. I don’t think anyone is waiting for Suzyn’s scoreboard updates to find out scores from around the league.

Change “2011” to “2012” and I could have just reused that whole thing.

Phil Hughes has terrible body language when he throws a ball. It’s so noticeable and I can’t think of anyone acting that way after they miss their spot, and it looks ridiculous. A two-out hit against Hughes prevents us from seeing our first 1-2-3 inning of the game.

John: “Hey, there’s no question about Hughes’ arm. He began the season terribly and he has pitched much better in the last few weeks.”

Why does John feel the need to always build Hughes’ confidence and self-esteem? He can’t hear you, John! And there are a lot of questions about Hughes’ arm, mainly because of the way he has pitched this season. Was I the only one that watched Hughes pitch in Anaheim last Monday?

TOP 3RD
The Yankees take a 2-0 lead into the third and the first pitch to Granderson is a ball.

John: “He really can’t throw strike one … and this is Justin Verlander we’re talking about! It’s a funny game.”

The scoreboard screen has stopped working at Comerica Park and this can only mean chaos for John and Suzyn.

John: “We can’t give you a pitch count. That pitch count has stopped. We’ll find out later for you.”

Suzyn: “It said 39.”

John: “No, no … it started at 39.”

Suzyn: “Oh!”

John: “The pitch to A-Rod is low and the count is 2-0.”

Suzyn: “OK, 39 and it was 3 and 2 … and he struck him out…”

John: “Right, so that’s…”

Suzyn: “So that’s 45 … and two … 47…”

John: “The pitch is a strike. Also the scoreboard has stopped. I gotta find a different place for the count.”

Suzyn: “I guess you’re going to have to look at the monitor here.”

And then on the 3-1 pitch to A-Rod…

John: “And the pitch is swung on and lined to deep left … that ball is HIGH … it is FAR … IT IS GONE! Over the inner fence and over the original fence! Way up in the crowd … what a shot! An A-Bomb from A-Rod, and the Yankees take a 3-0 lead! And Suzyn you could hear the crack of the bat from up here … you can’t hit a ball a lot further except if you’re Miguel Cabrera.”

Suzyn: “No. That was the ninth homer of the year for Alex and … you knew for it … and Verlander knew as soon as he hit it also. You could see Don Kelly take a couple of steps to his left and Berry turn around, but that ball was gone from the second he it.”

Cano and Teixeira are retired, but the Yankees lead 3-0.

BOTTOM 3RD
John: “Our fervent wishes that the board would come back. It makes it somewhat tough.”

With one out, Berry lays down a bunt and is thrown out by Chavez in what might be the most accurate Sterling call in 15 years. He honestly couldn’t have done a better job on the play.

“The pitch … Berry bunts toward third … fielded by Chavez … throws … IN TIME for the out.”

Worth walks with two outs preventing the first 1-2-3 inning of the game and it brings up Miguel Cabrera or “CabrerA” as Sterling likes to say. Hughes gets him to fly out to right and it’s still 3-0 Yankees after three.

TOP 4TH
John: “You know one thing Suzyn, you gave the stat before … when they don’t hit a home run, the Yankees are 0-12. Well, they’ve hit two homers today.”

Suzyn “Right.”

John: “Hahahaha. We’ll see if that holds up.”

And…

John: “You know I think what bothers the Yankees and their followers … here is Verlander’s pitch … swung on and hit in the air to right … Boesch is back … in front of the track … and he makes the catch and there’s one away. I think what bothers, Suzyn, the Yankees and their followers and the broadcasters … look at this lineup against a righty when you have Ibanez, Swisher and Chavez … 6, 7 and 8 and the Yankees never hit or don’t hit much with the bases loaded or with men on base.”

Raul Ibanez flies out to lead off the inning.

John: “Hey, the scoreboard’s back.”

Suzyn: “Yes, it is.”

Swisher walks and Verlander is at 63 pitches with 33 balls and he has just 10 outs.

Chavez singles, but Russell Martin lines into a double play to Cabrera, and John reminds us, “That’s baseball though.”

BOTTOM 4TH
Hughes’ first pitch to Prince Fielder is a curveball that finds Fielder’s perfect stroke and then goes about as far as any home run at Comerica Park has gone to right field, and Fielder knows it as he slams down his bat and watches his work.

Suzyn: “Boy was there no doubt about that.”

Young grounds out and here’s Suzyn with the scoreboard update just in case you wanted to know that Nationals-Braves score.

Hughes bounces back to retire the next three after Fielder’s leadoff home run and keep the Yankees’ lead at 3-1.

John: “One run, one hit … the Fielder home run, which went so far it should count for two … at the end of four … 4-1 Yanks on the New York Yankees radio network driven by Jeep.”

TOP 5TH
More first-pitch balls from Verlander in the fifth…

John: “Of all things Verlander can’t throw strike 1 and he is a strike throwing machine.”

Granderson doubles with one out before A-Rod strikes out swinging. Cano comes up with Granderson on second and two outs, and on 3-2 pitch…

John: “Now Verlander deals … swung on and a high fly to right-center … Boesch … and Berry … and … that ball is … IN THE GAP! It falls in the gap! Granderson scores … here is Cano going to third … and the throw is … not in time! It gets by … but backed up by … now the ball went into the dugout and Cano is allowed to go home! So first of all, the long fly to right-center split Berry and Boesch and landed … and went to the wall. It was an easy triple for Cano … it’s 430 feet out there. The throw got by, so we’ll find out who the error is on. Two runs score. Give Cano an RBI .. and the Yankees now take a 5-1 lead.”

Teixeira grounds out, but I’m still in awe over the call on the Cano triple. Granted, I had the chance to see it on TV as it was happening and it was a little weird that Berry didn’t get to it, but nevertheless, that was an epic piece of broadcasting.

BOTTOM 5TH
I think it’s funny that Sterling says “error” the way you’re supposed you say “era.”

It’s time for the Daily News 5th and Roger Rubin joins the booth in place of Mark Feinsand.

Hughes walks Don Kelly to lead off the fifth inning. Kelly is currently in a 6-for-46 slump, so walking him to lead off an inning with a four-run lead is always a good idea.

John and Suzyn start asking Roger questions about the Yankees offense…

Roger: “You know it’s funny before the game a bunch of us were talking to Kevin Long about the team’s problems scoring with runners in scoring position and Derek [Jeter] was walking by and he was almost making fun of it. You know, ‘What’s wrong with us, Kevin? Tell us!'”

Suzyn: “Well, it would actually be nice if they figured out what’s wrong with them.”

Roger: “It would be. At one point Kevin say to Derek as he was walking back by a second time, ‘Derek, are we ever gonna score again?’ and Derek was like, ‘I don’t think so.’ Well, he took care of that one right there.”

John: “But, however, if people ask that question, they have a right to ask it because the percentages are so bad … men in scoring position and bases loaded.”

See this is what I love about John and Suzyn: they are Yankees fans and they don’t hide it. They want the Yankees to win the way the fans do and when the team plays poorly they want answers. The mood of the broadcast changes depending on the score of the game and the Yankees’ recent play, and if the Yankees are in the middle of a three-game losing streak you feel like you’re watching the game with your buddies complaining about the team. They don’t follow the game the way beat writers and reporters do, and they shouldn’t since they are the voices of the team on the radio and have to watch them for 162 games plus the playoffs. John and Suzyn should want and expect success from the team and they should be noticeably upset when they don’t get it. This is the Yankees radio network and not a national broadcast.

Santos hits into a double play that is turned by Jeter and Cano leading John to ask, “Have you ever see anyone cooler than Robbie Cano?”

Berry goes down looking and Hughes continues to look good (though I’m scared to type that since things can unravel quickly for the Phranchise).

TOP 6TH
John always reminds us that he owes a station break as if it’s a contest and he owes the listeners another chance to win. Now he might just be talking to the producer to let him know he’s aware that he stills need to do a 10-second station ID, but it always sounds like we let John borrow a station break and he has yet to return it.

Chavez singles on a soft fly ball to left, but that’s all the Yankees manage in the sixth.

BOTTOM 6TH
Suzyn tries to get her scoreboard updates in, but Hughes strikes out Worth and Cabrera swinging and Fielder grounds out for a perfect inning from Hughes.

If the first time I did something like this for Hughes led him to go on a mini run, and this game ends up being one in which he outpitches Verlander, does that mean I will have to do this for every Hughes start for the rest of the season? If it produces wins, I don’t have a problem with it.

TOP 7TH
John: “The 1-1 is lined toward right-center, and there’s a base hit! Jeterian? Haha! You bet! Inside-out swing and he lines it to right-center field.”

John talks about the tight AL East, and as bad as the Yankees have been they can head to the Stadium on Tuesday for a three-game series with Tampa Bay and trail in the division by just one game if they hold on today.

But John reminds us that, “Willie Stargell used to say, ‘The pennant race begins September 1.’” So, I guess the first five months of the season didn’t count back then either?

BOTTOM 7TH
A quiet frame from John and Suzyn as Hughes allows a two-out single to Jhonny Peralta before getting Kelly to pop out to end the inning. This has been Hughes’ best start of the season and with the chance to either finish at 6-3 on the road trip with a win, or 5-4 with a loss following Saturday night’ debacle, Hughes has done his job, which is rare.

TOP 8TH
Ibanez, Swisher and Chavez go down in order and I’m beginning to get the sense that John and Suzyn just want the last couple of innings of the last game of an 11-day road trip to go quickly. This road trip started back on the Yankees’ off day on May 24. That feels like forever ago.

TOP 9TH
John and Suzyn are talking about the players drafted ahead of Derek Jeter in 1992, which leads to a discussion about other great players passed over early in the draft, and the name of the player the Mets took first overall before Reggie Jackson in the 1966 draft has eluded them. John knows the player’s name was “Steve,” but can’t remember his last name. Keith Olbermann texts Suzyn to tell her it was Steve Chilcott.

Suzyn: “What a wonderful invention … texting.”

John: “Ha! I love E-ZPass and DVR myself.”

Suzyn: “Hahahaha! Well, the person that invented DVR and E-ZPass should be in some Hall of Fame.”

John: “Hahaha right! … Absolutely!”

Suzyn: “Somewhere…”

John then goes on to say that the Cross Bronx Expressway belongs in the Hall of Shame. I can’t disagree with him there.

After Martin’s leadoff double, Jeter, Granderson and A-Rod go down in order and John gets excited: “The Yankees are three outs away from a big win.”

BOTTOM 9TH
Phil Hughes is three outs away from his first complete game ever, unless you really want to count the rain-shortened six-inning complete game he threw.

He strikes out Cabrera to start the ninth and gets Fielder to ground out before Young singles. With Young on first and Hughes facing his last batter in Boesch, a fan runs on the field.

John: “And now someone runs on the field … no one pursues him … and he’s running out toward right field … and Swisher gives him a little high five … and now he runs to center field … now people start coming out on the field to get him … and now he runs toward the infield … brilliant … and finally he is apprehended and taken down. You know at first you think it’s funny and people laugh, etcetera, well, how do you know the guy isn’t crazy? How do you know he doesn’t have a weapon or a knife or something? So, the gentleman is handcuffed and led off … two outs, a runner at first and now Girardi trots out to make sure Hughes is OK.”

“And once again it’ll be a 2-2 to Boesch … Hughes is set at the chest … and the pitch … struck him out swinging! Ballgame over! Yankees win! Theeeeeeee Yankees win!”

The game ends in two hours and 39 minutes. Phil Hughes beat Justin Verlander, threw his first nine-inning complete game in the process and kept Miguel Cabrera in the park. The Yankees scored five runs against Verlander and A-Rod hit his second home run in three games. John and Suzyn talked about not being able to predict baseball after the first pitch of the game, and I got to hear John do play-by-play of a fan running on the field while trying to evade security. And on top of it all, the Yankees won the game and the series and finished their 11-day, nine-game road trip at 6-3. Forget Johan Santana’s no-hitter. This was a perfect game.

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Blogs

Jun 5, 2012

Welcome to Keefe To The City

The official introduction to Keefe To The City.

I have never really been good at “hellos” or greetings in general. I’m always worried about getting my handshake right and making sure to say my own name that I always end up disregarding the other person telling me their name. Then I have to whisper to someone later to find out “So-and-so’s” name and hope that “So-and-so” doesn’t hear me asking what his or her name is.

I don’t think this is any different except I don’t have to say, “Hey, I’m Neil” or “Hi, I’m Neil” or “Hello, I’m Neil.” All I have to say is “Welcome,” which I think I have only said a handful of times in my life because who says “Welcome” aside from restaurant hosts, hotel concierges and pilots? The only times I can think of saying it would be while pretending to be Axl Rose and screaming the word in “Welcome to the Jungle,” or when trying to see how good of a Bob Sheppard impression I can do by saying in my best “Voice of God” voice, “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Yankee Stadium.”

Keefe To The City will complement my work on WFAN.com and CBSNewYork.com and will be a place for additional content with columns, blogs and podcasts and hopefully some other things down the line. I won’t be the only voice on this site as I have put together a team of contributors that will be announced within the next couple of weeks.

The site as it is now may change over the next couple of weeks as contributors start contributing, and it might change a few times in the next month or so. It probably won’t change as many times as Joe Girardi makes pitching changes in the late innings, but more like the amount of times John Tortorella changes line combinations. (But don’t worry, we won’t be benching Marian Gaborik in the Eastern Conference finals here.)

The first column for the site, “A Sunday with John and Suzyn” is up and there will be new content in various formats posted every weekday from here on out. I hope you enjoy the site, and for more on the site and updates and information, you can follow Keefe To The City on Twitter or check out the Facebook page.

Thanks for stopping by,

Neil Keefe

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Blogs • Email Exchanges • Yankees

Apr 20, 2012

Yankees Arrive in Boston with Things Going Badly for Bobby Valentine

With the rivalry resuming for the first time in 2012 there was only one thing to do, and that’s an email exchange with Mike Hurley to find out just how bad things are in Boston with the Yankees arriving for the weekend.

The Yankees have had inconsistent pitching and hitting to begin the season, and when you mix in some of Joe Girardi’s questionable lineup choices and managerial decisions, well you get a 7-6 record. But up north, Bostonians would trade their situation for a couple of games of Eduardo Nunez in the middle of the infield and a few too many pitching changes if it meant relieving them of the Bobby Valentine show.

With the rivalry resuming for the first time in 2012 there was only one thing to do, and that’s an email exchange with Mike Hurley of CBS Boston to find out just how bad things are in Boston with the Yankees arriving for the weekend.

Keefe: So, we meet again (via our email inboxes). The last time we talked was back at the beginning of March when we both shared our mutual disrespect and dislike for Bobby Valentine. I think it was the first time we agreed on anything since that time you finally admitted to me that Eli Manning is a better quarterback than Tom Brady.

When the Red Sox announced the hiring of Bobby Valentine, I had visions of the 2012 Red Sox being the September 2011 Red Sox on HGH, but you never really think things are going to go out of hand the way you hope. I imagined clubhouse chemistry issues and verbal abuse between the manager and his players in the media. I daydreamed about Ben Cherington and Valentine getting into a shouting match and then throwing haymakers at each other as they rolled around the ground like you see in the WorldStarHipHop fight videos, and most importantly I hoped for a lack of success on the field and losses mounting in the standings. My prayers, wishes and dreams have come true.

Bobby Valentine has been a disaster through 12 games as Red Sox manager. His team is 4-8 and he’s made questionable managerial decisions along with calling out his third baseman and one of the two players left from the 2004 World Series team (even if Kevin Youkilis was as much a part of that team as you were). He has been booed at Fenway Park and laughed at on TV, on the radio and in print. And now on Friday, he will see the Yankees for the first time as the manager of the Red Sox, but before the game starts, the organization will honor the 100th anniversary of Fenway Park by bringing back important figures in the team’s history. This includes Terry Francona.

There’s no doubt that the ovation for Francona will be the loudest thing at Fenway since Curt Schilling, Derek Lowe and Tim Wakefield walked from the dugout to the bullpen to Eminem’s “Lose Yourself” for extra innings of Game 5 of the 2004 ALCS. And after Francona gets showered with cheers, applause, a standing ovation and “We want Terry” chants, there will be a baseball game to be played between two rivals, which will only magnify the job of Bobby Valentine. (The more I write about this, the bigger the smile on my face gets.)

The only thing that can help Bobby Valentine win over Boston is winning. No one cares about his personality or his postgame quotes or his baseball “geniuses.” People care about winning and so far he hasn’t shown anyone that he is capable of this through 12 games.

Will Bobby Valentine ever be loved in Boston? And how awkward is the scene on Friday at Fenway going to be with every Red Sox fan in attendance (and at home around New England) wishing Francona would put in a chew, put on a Red Sox hat and manage the game while Bobby V sits there and gives a half-hearted clap for the ex-manager?

Hurley: Hey. Neil. Good to see you.

We most certainly agreed that Bob Valentine (the man is 60, can we drop the “Bobby” baloney?) was a bad idea for Boston. He’s been out of the majors for a decade and he proved on a weekly basis last year on ESPN that he doesn’t follow baseball enough to be considered someone with expertise in the subject. Yet there he is, hired to run the team with the third-highest payroll, in a city with psychotic fans who were already mad as hell from the events of last September. The odds are staked against him to succeed here.

But like you said, winning would cure a lot of that. Unfortunately for Bob, four wins in 12 games isn’t quite going to cut it.

Sure, you could point to the suspect roster given to him ($173 million just doesn’t seem to go as far as it used to these days), but you have to look at his in-game management thus far. I believe he himself has lost two out of the last three games. He let Daniel Bard, a reliever making his second big league start, stay in the game after four straight balls to Carlos Pena. Guess what he did next?! He threw four straight balls to Evan Longoria to walk in a run. The Red Sox lost 1-0.

Then on Wednesday, I saw a scene I’ve never before witnessed. I saw a reliever come into a 3-2 game and load the bases. The manager left him in the game, and he hit Craig Gentry in the foot. Craig Gentry is not a very good baseball player, and Morales couldn’t even get him out. But Valentine left him in! And Franklin Morales … served up a bomb to Mike Napoli. Because Valentine may have been sleeping in the dugout, a 3-2 deficit jumped to a 6-2 hole in a matter of minutes. It was truly some of the worst managing I’ve ever seen at this level.

As for Francona, he’ll get the reception and thanks he deserves and earned over his eight years in Boston, and that’s a good thing. I don’t think Valentine will feel too awkward though. I’m pretty sure he thinks he’s the man, no matter what.

Keefe: Over the weekend the Red Sox dominated the Rays in the first three games of the series, and had a three-game winning streak going and it looked like they were going to get back on track the way they did at the beginning of last year. Then Bob V went and opened his mouth and called out Youkilis for no real reason. Sure, Youkilis hasn’t been good this year, but who is Bob V, who has been in Boston for nine games at the time to go and call out Youkilis? And then to make matters worse, when called out about his callout, Bob V decides to cover up his comments with a terrible excuse saying that he was only answering a question, and was in fact sticking up for Youkilis and trying to “smooth” something over. What that something is, I’m not sure, but can I offer you some crazy pills?

Dustin Pedroia responded with some jabs at Bob basically saying that he has been around for nine games and this isn’t Japan a subtle shot that I enjoyed that made fun of Bob’s time managing in Japan while no team in Major League Baseball valued or wanted his services. So after winning three games, Bob V turned the clubhouse on him and the fans who will always back the players.

What I don’t get is why Bob V is everywhere. He’s on every sports media format and outlet up and down the coast. He’s everywhere! And since he is everywhere and always accessible to the media he says a lot of ridiculous and stupid things and then gets testy when people call him on it. But I guess I will just keep enjoying the ride and the circus as the Red Sox are 0-3 since his timely ripping of Youkilis.

Hurley: Pedroia’s response was just so fantastic. I can’t say enough about it. “Maybe in Japan or something, but over here, the U.S., we’re on a three-game winning streak.” The guy is just the best.

And Bob V’s backtracking was just disgraceful. He said he was just answering a question, as if that gave him free reign to question a player’s physical abilities and mental focus. And worst of all, he said his initial comments on Youkilis were just him “trying to smooth it over.” I don’t know exactly which world Valentine lives in, but it sounds like a nice place.

Keefe: Good old Bob Valentine. I’m glad there’s something that brings us together, and I’m glad that something is the leader of the sports team I hate most.

When I heard that Andrew Bailey was going to be out for months and that the Red Sox would go to an Alfredo Aceves-Mark Melancon tandem to try to finish off games, I sprinted down 6th Avenue and rolled around like Theo Fleury after his game-winner in the ’91 playoffs. Aceves?! Melancon?! Has anyone making decisions in Boston seen them pitch? I know that Aceves is a jack-of-all-trades that served as Ramiro Mendoza Part II in the Yankees’ World Series run in 2009, but his stuff isn’t exactly end-of-the-game stuff. (Yankees fans found this out in extra innings in Game 3 of the 2009 ALCS.) As for Melancon, he was traded to the Astros for the Ghost of Lance Berkman in 2010 (a year before Berkman saw a picture of himself and realized he was a slob and decided to recommit himself to the game and then won the World Series with the Cardinals) and he had success in the NL Central for a team that won 56 games and finished 40, yes 40 games back in the division. So there wasn’t a whole lot of something called “pressure” or “high-leverage situations” for Melancon.

Now to your credit, you were against the bullpen decisions when made, and rightfully so after we watched the Tigers rip the duo apart and then the Rangers went ahead and punched Melancon’s ticket to Pawtucket on Tuesday night with a reenactment of the 1999 Home Run Derby at Fenway. There’s a good chance the Red Sox are going to need big outs from some combination of Aceves and Vicente Padilla and Matt Albers and Scott Atchinson and Franklin Morales and Justin Thomas (?) and yes even the legendary Junichi Tazawa this weekend against the Yankees. (Typing those names was like playing through a blackjack heater while increasing my bets.) Is this the worst bullpen in Major League Baseball?

Hurley: I think you’re being a little unfair to Mark Melancon. The guy’s ERA is only 49.50. It could be much worse. Who cares that he’s only retired six of the 18 batters he’s faced this year for a 6.00 WHIP? What if his ERA was 64.50 and he had only retired six out of 25 batters? That would be worse, wouldn’t it?

I don’t dislike Aceves as a closer. He doesn’t have electric stuff, per se, but he works fast, throws hard and pitches to weak contact. I anticipate he’ll be 85 percent as effective as Jonathan Papelbon was, so all things considered, he’s not that bad.

The rest of the bullpen, however, is. I refer to Scott Atchison as “Everyone’s Uncle Scott,” because he could sit down at everyone’s family dinner and just look like someone’s uncle instead of a professional athlete, or just “A Guy,” because he just looks like any guy. That guy, who was DFA’d in January, has pitched four times already. That tells you all you need to know about the state of the Red Sox bullpen.

(I’m pretty sure they just made up a person named “Justin Thomas” when the season started, kind of like a David Webb-Jason Bourne situation. They found a carpenter or something in Fort Myers and asked if he was free to travel to Detroit. “Son, you’re a major league reliever now.” He’s also pitched four times and has a 7.36 ERA.)

I can’t say with any degree of certainty right now that it’s the worst bullpen in the majors, but I can see it’s the absolute worst among teams that actually spend money to build rosters. That’s for certain.

Keefe: I thought things were bad, but I think you just made me realize they’re much worse. I don’t even think we’re going to have to talk about the Yankees at all in this email exchange because there’s just so many great qualities about the Red Sox right now that we might be able to save Mark Teixeira’s “bad luck” and Joe Girardi’s over-managing for another day.

Let’s make our way to the Red Sox rotation where Jon Lester pitched well twice and then got rocked, Josh Beckett might be turning back the clock to 2010 (or hopefully 2006), Clay Buchholz has been OK and Felix Doubront and Daniel Bard have been alright in their first two starts as part of a rotation full-time for the first time. We could actually make the case I think that Doubront has been the Red Sox’ best pitcher to this point, but he might not hold the belt for too long because I have an Avicii-like feeling that the slumping middle of the Yankees order is going to come alive against him this weekend.

Starting pitching is the one area where I can’t really talk so much since CC Sabathia has been his usual April self, Hiroki Kuroda has been A.J. Burnett-esque, Phil Hughes has been pitcher he has been since the second half of 2010, Freddy Garcia is close to retiring to a beach home in Florida and playing golf and fishing everyday and that leaves Ivan Nova who is 2-0 and has been the best starter. Meanwhile Bartolo Colon is 3-1 for the A’s, making just $2 million and shut out the Angels for eight innings on Wednesday by throwing 38 consecutive strikes at one point. Who would have thought I would be longing for the return of Bartolo Colon to the Bronx?

At least the Yankees have Michael Pineda and Andy Pettitte on their way to stabilize this shaky rotation though we can’t say the same for your team. But I guess you shouldn’t worry too much about your rotation since Daisuke Matsuzaka, who was referred to as the best No. 5 starter in the history of baseball last year by a Boston outlet could return this season. Did the sweet sounds of “Sweet Caroline” just get a little sweeter for you?

Hurley: GOOD TIMES NEVER SEEMED SO GOOD!

Let me just tell you that I spent Tuesday and Wednesday nights at Fenway this week. It was 16-2 in the middle of the eighth on Tuesday, and there were only about 4,000 people left in Fenway Park. I’d estimate that 3,000 of them stayed just to sing that godforsaken song and then leave. Do these people have iTunes? Or a CD player? Go home and listen to Neil Diamond. You don’t have to pay $80 for a ticket and another $80 on Bud Light to sing the damn song.

Sorry about that. But you brought it up.

I love Freddy Garcia for being totally pissed about Andy Pettitte’s return, as if one good season out of nowhere earned Garcia a rotation spot over a five-time World Series legend.

As far as the Red Sox rotation goes, I think it’s far too early to say anything too positive or negative about anyone. Bard has been a pleasant surprise, I’d say, and Doubront’s start hasn’t been entirely surprising. I think he’s capable of putting together a few good starts, but by the end of the year, he’ll probably have just as many stinkers.

Beckett and Lester will be fine, and the glorious return of Daisuke could actually be a boost. Saying that with a straight face, though, tells you how suspect the situation is to begin with.

I don’t really remember what question you asked or if you even asked one, so I hope that works for you. I’m going to go listen to Neil Diamond on repeat. BUM BUM BAHHH!!!

Keefe: “Where it began? I can’t begin to knowin’ but then I know it’s growing strong.”

I didn’t really ask a question. I just sort of said that the Red Sox aren’t very good and you just confirmed it.

I’m glad you have finally come around on what Fenway Park has become. I know you probably already felt the way you currently do about Fenway, but I think this is the first time it’s been said publicly or documented and I’m glad to be a part of it.

Freddy Garcia is a weird case. He did pitch well for the Yankees last season, but against the league’s best teams he struggled and then he failed in his postseason start in Game 2 of the ALDS, which was supposed to be Game 3. Now this year he has gotten lit up by the Orioles thanks to five wild pitches, but got bailed out by the Yankees offense before getting beat up by the Twins. So after two awful performances against two of the worst offenses in the league, I’m expecting a disaster at Fenway on Saturday, and I’m relieved to have a wedding to attend, so that I don’t have to see Garcia give CPR to the Red Sox’ season. Actually the wedding is at 2 p.m. and gets over at 10 p.m., so when you factor in the game starting at 4 p.m. and being a FOX game, I should be home in time for the third inning.

Is there any doubt that the Yankees are going to revive the Red Sox this weekend? I don’t think there should be. Last season when the teams met the Red Sox were 0-6, but they beat up on Phil Hughes on a Friday afternoon and then Josh Beckett dominated on Sunday Night Baseball. In 2010, the Red Sox opened the season with a win over the Yankees thanks to Joe Girardi’s decision to have Chan Ho Park pitch in the seventh inning to Dustin Pedroia. And who could forget when the Red Sox started the year 8-0 against the Yankees winning in just about every way possible to win a baseball game? At 4-8, I fully expect the Red Sox to find themselves this weekend despite not having either Lester or Beckett scheduled to pitch.

This brings up another point: Is possibly moving Lester up to pitch on Sunday night since he only threw 80 pitches on Tuesday against the Rangers a panic move by Valentine?

“Was in the spring, and spring became the summer, who’d have believed you’d come along?”

Hurley: SWEEETTT CAARRROOOLLLIIINNEEE!!

Maybe we haven’t discussed it publicly before, but Fenway’s been that way for a while now. Part of it is that it just comes from winning, but the other part is that going to Fenway and being a part of that whole “scene” has become a phenomenon. There was a woman in a row in front of me on Wednesday night who spent the entire game playing Draw Something on her phone. Her seat cost $94. And she probably bragged to everyone the following day that she went to the game. I can’t explain it, and as someone who just loves watching baseball, it’s devastating to witness. There are plenty of good fans left, but it’s just become more difficult for them to get into the park to actually see baseball.

I don’t think moving Lester up to Sunday would be necessarily a panic move. For one, you always want your ace going against the Yankees, but you also have special circumstances surrounding it. Bard was stretched a little too long on Monday (thanks to Bob V.), and Lester barely made it to 8 p.m. on Tuesday, so you’ve got a slightly overworked Bard in his first year as a starter and a greatly underworked Lester. It’s something that just sort of makes sense, so I wouldn’t look at it as a panic move.

You might see a close series this weekend, like you say, but I fear you’re not fully understanding the state of the Red Sox’ lineup without Jacoby Ellsbury. Cody Ross batted cleanup on Wednesday. Jason Repko has made two starts this week. Nick Punto was used as a pinch hitter. Darnell McDonald is hitting .083. Jarrod Saltalamacchia is hitting .080. Even Kevin Youkilis is hitting .184.

The short version of that is that there’s no reason to believe the Yankees won’t win two out of three this weekend at least. But hey, at least we’re both heading in with opposite expectations. It’s nice that we not agree about everything.

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Blogs • Yankees

Apr 19, 2012

Yankees, Rangers Trying to Find Their Way

“Thursday Thoughts” returns with the Yankees playing .500 baseball after 12 games and the Rangers needing to win the biggest game of the season on Saturday night at the Garden.

When does “early” become “late” in baseball? Everyone seems to have a different answer or opinion to the question on when it’s time to start evaluating teams and when games start to “matter.” Some think it’s Memorial Day or the All-Star break, and others think it’s after 40 games or after 33 percent of the season. But the real is answer is Opening Day.

“It’s still early” has become a line for managers of underachieving teams to spew to the media to avoid the fact that they currently suck. Joe Girardi (6-6) has pulled “it” out already. Bobby Valentine (4-8) has gone to “it.” And I haven’t heard any postgame quotes from Mike Scioscia (4-8) or Charlie Manuel (5-7) or Bruce Bochy (6-6), but I’m sure they have used “it” in some form as well.

“It’s still early” has become the go-to phrase for those teams not getting the job done in April, but at the same time, teams playing well and winning games (whether expected or unexpected) are commended for their great play, and there’s never any mention of the calendar or the game number. I don’t hear anyone mentioning that the season is still young for the Rangers or the Tigers or the Nationals or the Dodgers, but it’s constantly thrown around with the Yankees along with sentences like “Freddy Garcia won’t continue to be this bad” and “Eventually Mark Teixeira will come around” and “Hiroki Kuroda will eventually prove to be a viable No. 2 starter in the AL” and “A-Rod will find his power stroke.” But at what point do we stop waiting for things to happen and expecting success to arrive, and when does it become a concern?

It would sound ridiculous for me to write that 12 games into the season is the official measuring stick for the Yankees and all of baseball. It would also be ridiculous for me to say that April games don’t matter and that real baseball starts in May or June, or that only the second half means anything. And that’s why Opening Day is when “early” becomes “late.”

Prior to 2012, I guess you could make the case that games in the second half hold more stock than games in the first half after the standings have taken shape and positions have been established. (I wouldn’t have agreed with someone making this case, but I would have understood them using it since it seems to be a mainstream idea.) But not in 2012. Not when there will be a one-game playoff for two teams that didn’t win their division, but might have finished with better records than other division winners. Baseball changed their postseason format and the path to the World Series and everyone needs to change the way they view early-season baseball to match it.

“Late” became “early” when James Shields threw the first pitch of the Yankees’ season to Derek Jeter on April 6 at the Trop. Like I said after that series, “Game 1 of the season is as important as Game 57 and Game 89 and Game 123 and Game 162. A game against the Rays on Opening Day is equally as important as a game against the Red Sox the middle of the summer.” And while it might be the second full week of the season, watching Hiroki Kuroda and Freddy Garcia get torched by one of the weakest offensive teams in the league and watching Phil Hughes have at-bats extended by foul balls and watching the heart of the order struggle to hit for power or with runners in scoring position, these games matter, and they matter as much as the games in second-to-last full week of the season.

As for the Blueshirts, “early” became “late” when the postseason started and every shift, every shot, every goal, every penalty, every single thing turned into being the difference between getting a head start on the offseason and getting to play until June in hopes that Doc Emrick will scream your name followed by “SCOREEEEEEEEE!” And after blowing leads in Games 2 and 4 and losing in overtime both times, the Rangers find themselves in a best-of-3 series with home-ice advantage against a team that has outplayed them in every game except for Game 1.

It’s been a few weeks since the debut of “Thursday Thoughts,” but with the Yankees playing .500 baseball after 12 games and headed to Fenway Park this weekend and Texas next week, and the Rangers needing to win the biggest game of the season on Saturday night at the Garden, now seemed like a good time for the second installment.

– Does anyone have a good feeling about Freddy Garcia pitching in Boston on Saturday? Last season Garcia had the following line against Boston: 19 IP, 22 H, 11 R, 10 ER, 10 BB, 10 K, 3 HR, 4.74 ERA, 1.684 WHIP. And this came in a season when Garcia was actually good. When I found out during the offseason that I had a wedding on the first Saturday Yankees-Red Sox game of the season I was disappointed, but now I’m relieved.

– A year ago I didn’t want Bartolo Colon on the Yankees. Now I would be willing to carry him from Oakland to New York (I understand it might be physically impossible to carry him even one city block) to have him in the Yankees rotation. Colon dominated the Angels on Wednesday night (8 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 0 BB, 5 K) and threw 82 of his 108 for strikes, including 38 consecutive strikes at one point in the game. He’s now 3-1 on the year with a 2.63 ERA, and his three wins are one less than the entire Yankees’ rotation. He’s also making $2 million one his one-year deal with the A’s, which is $2 million less than Freddy “Smoke and Mirrors” Garcia.

– How do people get this amped for the release of the NFL schedule? You know who your favorite team is going to play once the previous seasons ends, so does finding out the dates and times of the games really get you that worked up? I asked WFAN’s own John Jastremski about this, and his response to me about finding out his Dolphins having their schedule released was similar to my reaction when the Giants won the Super Bowl.

– Derek Jeter has four home runs and 10 RBIs. Alex Rodriguez, Robinson Cano and Mark Teixeira have combined for two home runs and eight RBIs. Yes, that’s a problem.

– The Penguins-Flyers series has been epic. Even if both teams would probably elect to turn their nets around or play with a sixth skater rather than use a goalie, it has had everything you could want in a series between two rival teams that actually hate each other. I would rather see low-scoring defensive battles and overtime games in the postseason, but an old-fashioned five-alarm gongshow is always welcome.

– Brett Gardner is on the 15-day disabled list, which means the backup center fielder to Curtis Granderson is now … Nick Swisher! Yes, the Yankees have a 10-time Gold Glove winner on their bench, but after the way Andruw Jones played left field on Wednesday night against the Twins, as if he had a few too many beers in the dugout of a slow-pitch softball game, I’m not sure he should be anywhere other than DH ever. Please stay healthy, Grandy Man.

– How meaningless is a goaltender’s record in the NHL postseason? Entering these playoffs, Henrik Lundqvist had a 15-20 playoff record, and it’s now 17-22, and the TV broadcasts will remind you with the graphic. After Wednesday’s overtime loss, his overtime record is now 1-7. So yeah, it’s Lundqvist’s fault that his postseason win percentage is .436 and his overtime win percentage is .125. It has nothing to do with the Rangers’ inability to score goals or create offense, and it has nothing to do with their most talented scorers disappearing after Game 82.

– I don’t like that the Yankees are going to wear those throwback uniforms on Friday for the 100th Anniversary of Fenway Park. I understand why they’re doing it (to celebrate 100 years of baseball in Boston and to also make some more money), but let the Red Sox wear throwback uniforms if they want to, and stick to the Yankees tradition and don’t wear some alternate uniform for one game.

– I don’t think there’s anything left to say about Brendan Shanahan that I didn’t already say about him on Monday despite his most recent rulings, which were every bit as confusing as the ones for Carl Hagelin, Matt Carkner and Shea Weber. There’s nothing he can do that will surprise me and there’s no way of ever knowing what a suspension will be for a standard elbow or end-of-game instigator or headshot.

– I can’t wait to check on the Twins in a few weeks and see Justin Morneau either not playing or not producing. Morneau has hit three home runs in three days at the Stadium and still has one more game to go on Thursday night. He now has seven home runs in 12 games at the new Stadium and just five home runs in 80 games at Target Field. But it’s not every series that he gets to face Freddy Garcia and Hiroki Kuroda.

– It’s great that Brian Boyle has three postseason goals and two game-winners, but at some point Marian Gaborik is going to have to win a playoff game for the Rangers. And since there’s a chance that there might be only two or three games left in the season, he might want to get on that. Gaborik has two goals in nine playoff games for the Rangers, or one less than Boyle has in the last seven days. Gaborik has 14 career playoff goals, but nine of them came nine years ago when he was a 20-year-old on the Wild team that went to the conference finals. I remember the papers getting on Jaromir Jagr and comparing him to A-Rod by calling him J-Rod when he elected to not be a part of the Rangers’ shootouts, and if Gaborik is invisible for the rest of this series and the No. 1-seeded Rangers are eliminated, it’s going to be bad for Gaborik.

– Freddy Garcia has already pitched himself out of the rotation for when Michael Pineda or Andy Pettitte are ready to return, and if Phil Hughes doesn’t show up on Thursday night he will likely punch his ticket back to the bullpen or a bus ticket back to Scranton/Wilkes-Barre. Hughes has now been a five-inning or less pitcher for nearly a full calendar year since coming off the disabled list last July. And if you include his “dead arm” period at the beginning of the 2011 season and his awful performance in the 2010 ALCS and his 5.15 ERA over his last 18 starts and 20 appearances to finish the 2010 season then he has been bad for a lot longer. Sure, there are flashes of the No. 1 pick that we all expected to be a front-end starter for the Yankees for years, but they are rare and sandwiched between “Hey it’s the third inning of a Phil Hughes start, I hope there’s reruns of The Office on” starts. Everyone keeps saying, “Well if Hughes can return to his first-half form from 2010 or pitch the way he did against the Twins in the 2010 ALDS then the Yankees’ rotation is stacked.” But what if he can’t. There’s a lot more evidence that Phil Hughes won’t be the pitcher we expect him to be and want him to be than there is that he will a No. 1 or No. 2 starter for the Yankees. I have been a Hughes supporter and believer all along and that won’t change now, especially since he is still 25 years old, but if we’re talking about when “early” becomes “late,” Hughes is not only pitching for a rotation spot in 2012, but he’s pitching to avoid being banished to the bullpen for the rest of his career.

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Blogs • NHL

Apr 16, 2012

Brendan Shanahan Is Ruining The NHL

I was satisfied with the decision to give the responsibilities of NHL Judge to Brendan Shanahan. But what I didn’t know was that he would become Colin Campbell.

This column was originally published on WFAN.com on April 16, 2012.

“I’m Brendan Shanahan of the National Hockey League’s Department of Player Safety … and I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.”

If you have never watched a Shanahan suspension video on NHL.com before, that’s how he opens the video by letting the viewer know who he is and what department he works for (except for the “I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing” part). But chances are if you’re watching one of his videos it’s because you’re interested in the infraction being reviewed. And if you’re interested in watching a video of an infraction it’s because you watch hockey. And if you watch hockey then you know who Brendan Shanahan is. And if you know who Brendan Shanahan is then you know why he is the Vice President of Player Safety and how he got the job.

I was ecstatic like everyone else when Shanahan took over for Colin Campbell, who was more incompetent than the Yankees’ Clay Rapada could ever be. Campbell had become a running joke around the NHL and any form of replacement would have been better than him. I was satisfied with the decision to give the responsibilities of NHL Judge to Shanahan, as he would become the head disciplinarian for the league. But what I didn’t know was that he would become Colin Campbell.

Does Brendan Shanahan think he’s doing a good job because he makes videos to explain the infractions and the punishments he determines for the infractions? Because, if anything, the videos make his decisions look even more nonsensical. At least when Campbell was recklessly throwing around suspensions (or sometimes a lack thereof), there wasn’t video evidence of him narrating plays so we could see inside his inconsistent mind.

In Game 2 of the Rangers-Senators series, Matt Carkner dressed with the mission of fighting Brian Boyle for getting physical with Erik Karlsson, and I have no problem with Carkner dressing for this purpose. But when Boyle decided he wasn’t going to fight Carkner on the first attempt, Carkner decided he was going to fight anyway and sucker-punched Boyle and then continued to punch him as he went down to the ice. In the process, Brandon Dubinsky went to the aid of his defenseless teammate and was given a game misconduct for not allowing Carkner to finish a job that could have ended Boyle’s season or maybe even his career.

Carkner was suspended one game for a pre-meditated attack (which once again I don’t have a problem with since it’s part of the game, but square up or take care of it in the correct setting), but an attack against a guy who didn’t square up with him and led to Carkner doing what he was set out to do anyway. One game! Here’s what Shanahan said in his NHL.com video review of Carkner’s infraction.

“Carkner is excessive in his approach. It is important to note that Carkner has acted similarly in the past and injured an opponent in the process. In a game at Ottawa on Dec. 31, 2009, in reaction to a bodycheck thrown at a teammate, Carkner got the jump on a New York Islander forward and punched him before he could react and defend himself, fracturing his orbital bone. We have taken into consideration that Boyle suffered no apparent injury as a result of this infraction and remained in the game.”

So, let’s recap. Because Boyle wasn’t hurt and because Carkner didn’t fracture yet another player’s orbital bone, the suspension is only one game. That seems fair. Punishments and consequences should definitely be based on the result of the player’s action and not the player’s action or intent. But here’s my question: Is there any doubt that Carkner was trying to break Boyle’s orbital bone and just failed to do so?

It’s only partially Shanahan’s fault that he makes decisions based on the result of the hit or punch or check. For years the NHL has awarded a four-minute power play for a high-sticking penalty that draws blood. Any amount of blood. It could be a scrape or a cut the size of a pencil tip, or it could be a gash that requires 18 stitches or a trip to the emergency room. It doesn’t matter. If there’s blood it’s four minutes. But you could high-stick an opponent and break their jaw or their cheek or their orbital bone or blind them and as long as any of these things don’t draw blood then it’s just a two-minute penalty. No big deal.

Now also in Game 2, Carl Hagelin finished a check high with his hands and elbow on Daniel Alfredsson, which resulted in Alfredsson suffering a concussion and leaving the game. And because Alfredsson was injured on the hit, Hagelin, who doesn’t have a history or a reputation of anything remotely close to being dirty, was suspended three games.

Now if Hagelin’s infraction had been the first infraction of the NHL season and we had no further knowledge or records of previous elbow infractions that result in head injuries then yes, you could make the case his punishment is just since it would set a precedent. (We’ll get to the word “precedent” and teach Shanahan the meaning of the word later on.) But when, in the same game, there is a more dangerous play from a more dangerous player after months and months of inconsistent suspensions from Shanahan, then yes, there’s a serious problem with claiming that Hagelin’s suspension is just.

Let’s look at three different incidents that happened this week with the two involving the Rangers happening on the same day and the one involving the Predators and Red Wings happening three days before.

Carl Hagelin, with no suspension history or reputation of dirty play, receives a three-game suspension for finishing a check and hitting star Daniel Alfredsson high that results in a concussion.

Matt Carkner, with a history of the same exact act, receives a one-game suspension for jumping non-star Brian Boyle, sucker-punching him and continuing to beat him while on the ice, but the incident doesn’t result in injury.

Shea Weber punches star Henrik Zetterberg’s in the back of the head and then uses the same hand that punched to drive Zetterberg’s head into the glass and dasher and receives a $2,500 fine, as the incident doesn’t result in an injury.

(I make sure to note who is considered a “star” and who isn’t since this also clearly impacts Shanahan’s decisions.)

Does anyone see a pattern here? Do any of these punishments have anything in common with each other? Does any of this make sense to anyone other than Brendan Shanahan?

On Monday morning, Shanahan went on Boomer and Carton to justify his suspension of Hagelin (which he failed to logically do). And if you plan on listening to the interview, which I strongly recommend if you think Shanahan is good at his job or makes sound decisions, then I also recommend investing in some of Mugatu’s “crazy pills” from Zoolander because Shanahan’s arguments and logic are so confusing that they will make you question if what he’s saying is actually real life. Here are some epic highlights that came from Shanahan’s mouth in the interview.

On why Carl Hagelin is suspended for three games and Matt Carkner is suspended for one game: “The biggest difference between the two plays is there is head injury and concussion on one and no injury on the other. Now that doesn’t mean that one guy gets off and the other guy doesn’t.”

(I almost feel like this quote should be written above the doors to the NHL offices entrance the way that “I would like to thank the Good Lord for making me a Yankee” used to be written across the front of Yankee Stadium.)

Actually that’s exactly what it means because you said that’s what it means just moments later. Shanahan had a chance to set a precedent at the beginning of the year, but he chose not to. I hate to reference arguably the worst movie ever made in 50 First Dates, but is there any denying that Shanahan is Drew Barrymore here? Actually he’s worse. Barrymore wakes up everyday forgetting who she is and the decisions she has made, but Shanahan can’t even make it through the day without erasing suspension decisions he has made since he makes multiple suspension decisions in the same day and they have no correlation to each other. But Shanahan didn’t set a precedent and now suspensions are made with what I like to think is a cootie catcher complete with the NHL shield on it. In most sports you know what a suspension will be for a certain infraction, but there’s no one in the hockey world that can tell you with any certainty what a suspension will be for a specific incident after it happens, and this includes Shanahan. (If you don’t believe me, listen to the interview when he sort of gets stuck answering about what the suspension would have been if Alfredsson didn’t get hurt or if it will be reduced if he comes back in the series.)

Shanahan has set the tone for the league by saying, “You can do whatever you want as long as it doesn’t result in an injury.” So if the Penguins trail big in Game 4 and a sweep is inevitable, it would be wise for Peter Laviolette to remove his players from the ice because if the Penguins have brushed up on their Marty McSorley, Claude Lemieux, Darcy Tucker and Tie Domi YouTube watching, they are free to duplicate any of the league’s all-time cheap shots … as long as they don’t injure or concuss anyone.

On Carkner not landing many punches to Boyle’s face: “He hits him with five more punches in the arm, shoulder and back and not in the head.”

Ah, and here’s Shanahan sticking up for Carkner. “Come on! Most of the punches didn’t even hit Boyle in the face! It wasn’t that bad!” Do you know how bad Carkner’s assault was? It was bad enough that when I saw the first replays of it during the game I figured Carkner would be gone for the rest of the series, if not the rest of the playoffs (not that he was going to play in anymore games for the Senators anyway). But one game? ONE GAME?!?!?! Does anyone think Carkner was trying to hit Boyle in the arm, shoulder and back? Or was it because Boyle was on the ice after taking a punch to the jaw before the follow-up punches?

On Shea Weber driving Henrik Zetterberg’s face into the glass: “I think that he pushed his face into the glass. I was very close to a one-game suspension on that.”

You “think” he pushed his face into the glass. You “think?!?!?!?!” You don’t “know?” You aren’t “sure?” Oh, but you were “close” to a one-game suspension for Weber trying to break Zetterberg’s face and neck. Well that makes everything better. But because Zetterberg wasn’t injured, Weber can pay $2,500 and try his luck breaking Zetterberg’s face and neck in Game 4.

What if Shanahan held his current job when Chris Simon tried to behead Ryan Hollweg as if he were Ned Stark in Game of Thrones? Because Hollweg was able to get back up on his own skate would Simon have avoided suspension and just been given a $2,500 citation for using his stick as a medieval sword?

There’s no time for Shanahan to learn his new job on the fly, which he is clearly tying to while he makes things up in his videos and interviews as he goes. The problem is his decisions and suspensions have long-lasting effects that go deeper than just changing the course of a game or a series. Shanahan’s job is more important than deciding who should lose pay for a couple of games or should or shouldn’t be allowed to dress. He has the ability to change the course of a playoff series or a championship or the history of the game, as well as influence the jobs and livelihoods of others, and that’s why it’s OK to call into question his job and his livelihood.

Let’s say Shanahan suspends Player X for a few games in a postseason series because he was involved in an infraction that resulted in an injury. Now Player X’s team loses their first-round playoff series because of Player X’s unwarranted suspension. Now Player X’s owner is upset that his team didn’t make it out of the first round after lofty expectations for several seasons and he fires Player X’s coach and general manager and trades away some of Player X’s teammates and uproots their lives and families’ lives because of another first-round postseason exit. Is this an extreme scenario for Shanahan’s decision making? Sure. Is it out of the realm of possibility? No.

At the end of Shanahan’s interview with Boomer and Carton, Boomer tells him he’s going to have a busy day today after the Penguins-Flyers gongshow from Game 3, and Shanahan responds about handing out more suspensions by saying, “I’m not done yet.” It’s too bad because I wish he was done, and I’m not talking about handing out suspensions.

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