Don Mattingly – Keefe To The City

Sep 2, 2014

The Rivalry Is Now Irrelevant

Yankees-Red Sox in September isn’t what it used to be and it doesn’t look like it’s going to be what it once was anytime soon.

The last time the Yankees and Red Sox met was 30 days ago at Fenway Park when the Yankees overcame two three-run deficits on Sunday Night Baseball and looked like they might be ready to go on an August and September run after back-to-back come-from-behind wins in Boston. They went on to win three of four against the Tigers at the Stadium and my wish of a run down the stretch from the Yankees was coming true. But that run has been put on hold as the Yankees are just 9-11 over their last 20 games and are 4 games out of the second wild card with 28 games to play. Fortunately, the Red Sox are in the Bronx this week and if the Yankees want to keep their postseason dreams alive, there isn’t a better opponent to begin what will need to be a memorable September.

With the Yankees still somewhat alive in the wild-card race and the Red Sox just counting down the days until their miserable season is finally over, I emailed Mike Hurley of CBS Boston because that’s what I do when the Yankees and Red Sox play each other.

Keefe: The start of second grade. For both of us, that’s the last time both the Yankees and Red Sox missed the postseason. The fall of 1993, 21 years ago, was the last time September was basically meaningless for the two superpowers that have spent two decades at or near the top of baseball. That’s remarkable and astonishing and also sad and depressing.

The Red Sox suck and are the team they were in 2012 and the team they should have been in 2013, while the Yankees are 4 games out of the second wild card, the same wild card I was adamantly against with you when instituted two seasons ago. And at this point it’s going to take a 20-8 September from the Yankees to possibly have a shot at the one-game playoff or a one-game playoff to get to the one-game playoff.

The Red Sox aren’t going to the playoffs. The Yankees are most likely not going to the playoffs. The Orioles and Royals most likely are and the Indians or Mariners could be. Is this a world you want to live in?

Hurley: I have distinct memories of being in second grade, sitting at my desk. I drew a hockey net on the front side of the box, and I wrote “MOOG 35” on the back of a little troll toy I had. Remember those? Those were messed up. Anyway, as you might imagine, I was a genius and I didn’t need to pay attention in school, so I kept myself busy by using a pencil to fire slappers at my troll Andy Moog.

Now for you to tell me that the last time the Red Sox and Yankees didn’t make the playoffs was when I was going top shelf in Mrs. Castiglione’s class, that’s pretty messed up. Though admittedly, it’s kind of misleading. I mean, that’s much more about the Yankees, who have made the postseason in 17 of the last 19 years, than it is about the Red Sox, who kind of pop in and out of the playoffs when they’re feeling good and then occasionally drop to last place.

I’ll tell you, and you’ll probably agree, that it’s easy to root for the Indians. Any time Terry Francona can make Red Sox ownership look bad for firing him for no reason, it’s going to be pretty funny.

But to answer your question, is this a world I want to live in? I believe Michael Scott said it best.

Keefe: I do like Terry Francona even if he was the man responsible for ruining the year 2004 for me. If only he hadn’t been so calm and composed and had been freaking out and going wild in the dugout and throwing things and skipping press conferences with the media, the Red Sox wouldn’t have come back. I hate you, Terry Francona. (But I also don’t.)

I was in Mrs. Lazar’s class, Don Mattingly was still playing first base for the Yankees, Mike Gallego was wearing No. 2 and splitting time at shortstop with Spike Owen (no wonder the Yankees didn’t make the playoffs) and I didn’t understand that the Whalers sucked and would finish 25^th out of 26 in attendance that season. (The Islanders, Jets and Panthers outdrew the Whalers in 1993-94.) It’s been a long, long time since both teams were home in October. The problem is that this is going to become a frequent event thanks to teams locking up their players and ruining their chances at becoming free agents for the Yankees and Red Sox to fight over signing.

In New York, Yankees fans are upset that the Yankees don’t have young, homegrown talent, while also being upset that the team isn’t competitive right now. These fans likely forget that the dynasty that began in the mid-90s was made possible because of a long period of losing in the Bronx. Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera and Andy Pettitte and Jorge Posada didn’t magically appear in the Bronx one day on the 4 train. It’s somewhat impossible to build through the draft and also sign big-name free agents in 2014 and while Brian Cashman continues to try and plug both old and new holes on a sinking boat, it seems inevitable that at some point you just need a new boat.

What’s the mood in Boston when it comes to the Red Sox? Do people even care that they suck this year? I realize they won the World Series last year and their five-year grace period is just starting while the Yankees’ five-year grace period from 2009 is over this season. Now that the Patriots are five days away from beginning their season and the Bruins are a month away from beginning theirs, do people even care about the Red Sox? It pains me that they won last year because if they were still looking at no postseason since 2009 and another miserable finish, I would imagine that John Henry wouldn’t be showing his face on Newbury Street or going out to dinner in the North End.

Hurley: The mood in Boston is kind of ridiculous, to be honest with you. The Red Sox traded away Jon Lester because they were unwilling to even get serious when it came to contract negotiations. Four years and $70 million for a durable lefty who was a badass in winning a World Series last year? What is that?

So they didn’t want to pay him because he’ll be in his 30s, and apparently they believe that no pitcher has ever pitched well in his 30s.

Nevertheless, the Red Sox traded away their homegrown star pitcher and then leaked info that they’re going to go after him hard in the offseason. And so many people bought it. What the hell is that? You don’t let your best players see what life is like on the other side of the fence, and you sure as hell don’t let them go to free agency when you have a chance to lock him up forever. It’s insane. Yet people are like “Oh, well they’re going to sign him in the winter, and they got Cespedes, so that’s OK!”

It’s madness.

As for the Sox now, they’re kind of non-existent. Some no-name on the Rays slid into second base on Saturday night and elbowed Dustin Pedroia in the head, and nobody seems to care. Everyone’s busy talking about Ryan Mallett and Logan Mankins.

But I’ll tell you, it’s not entirely different from last year. It was about a year ago to the date that Mike Cole and I bought tickets for $12 the day of a game and waltzed right in. It was pretty insane that just a few weeks later, they were beating Verlander and Scherzer and then winning the World Series. So even though the Red Sox were good last year and basically owned first place all year, there wasn’t much “Red Sox fever” gripping the region. People might be Sox’d out, which is understandable if you’ve seen how freaking hard everything Sox-related gets pushed on you in Boston.

Keefe: So I’m guessing the Fenway bricks and that sing-along CD from a couple years ago didn’t go over so well? That’s too bad.

In 24 days, Derek Jeter will either be playing three meaningless games in Fenway Park or playing three games that could determine the Yankees’ postseason chances. Right now, Jeter will be playing his final baseball game on Sunday, Sept. 28 in Boston in what could be a game full of September call-ups mirroring more of a March Grapefruit League game rather than a Yankees-Red Sox Game 162. But if the Yankees are eliminated from the playoffs before Game 160 in Boston, maybe Jeter doesn’t play that weekend at all?

Just last year, Mariano Rivera pitched at Yankee Stadium for what would be his final appearance ever in the Bronx and then he went with the Yankees to Houston and made that Stadium appearance his final appearance ever by not pitching in the final three games of the year. It’s obviously different for a position player than a closer and Jeter doesn’t seem like the type of person who would sit out three games he could play in before riding off into the sunset on the back porch of his Tampa mansion, but it would be better if Jeter plays Game 159 at the Stadium against Baltimore and then doesn’t board the plane to Boston if the Yankees are eliminated.

I would prefer if Boston doesn’t get to say goodbye to Jeets and give him four Duck Tour tickets, a burned out bulb from the Citgo sign, an old T token, a $25 gift card to the Bell in Hand and a painting of Haymarket or whatever they were going to give him for his farewell tour.

Hurley: See, in my ideal scenario, the Red Sox sign Pedro Martinez to a one-day contract and let him start on that Sunday. Jeter can bat leadoff and Pedro can go in on the hands with the first pitch, in on the hands again with pitch two, up at the chin with ball three, and then square in the back. Benches will clear, Boston and New York will be enraged, and for one fleeting moment, baseball will feel like it used to feel.

Do you think that can happen? Oh, and it would all come immediately after an over-the-top standing ovation from the Fenway crowd as Jeter is digging into the box. Tell me that wouldn’t be infinitely more exciting than whatever boring-as-crap reality is more likely to play out.

Keefe: I would sign up for that. Well, if the Yankees signed Roger Clemens and Jorge Posada for the day as well and we made things even more interesting. You can have Gabe Kapler too.

It disgusts me that Fenway Park is going to give Jeter an ovation every time he comes to the plate that series. Have some pride, Boston. This is a player who was the face of everything you hate for the last 19 years. He was a main reason for a lot of heartache and devastation your team and the focal point of many explicit T-shirts being sold outside the Kenmore T stop. Boo him, shout obscenities at him, feel free to bring batteries and golf balls to throw at him.

Let’s use David Ortiz as an example. Let’s say David Ortiz never used steroids and was even 10 percent as respectable of an athlete and person as Derek Jeter. Now let’s say David Ortiz is having a farewell tour and it’s coming to Yankee Stadium. There is no chance people are cheering for David Ortiz and thanking him and saluting him for the 2004 ALCS or any form of RE2PECT for him. And if they are, they should be held without bail in a Bronx jail for no less than a week.

Yankees-Red Sox used to mean something and in September it meant everything. Now not only might it not mean anything for both teams, but the face of the rivalry for the last two decades might be cheered the way Ortiz, Bobby Orr, Larry Bird and Tom Brady are in Boston. What an embarrassment.

Hurley: Yeah, sure thing. I bet if Jeter came and got booed, you’d be ranting and raving about how everyone from Boston is scum. So it’s kind of a lose-lose situation as far as Boston is concerned — well, that’s if anyone in Boston cared what Neil Keefe thinks about them.

Also, it’ll be 90% Yankee fans at Fenway on that Sunday. Ticket prices are absurd right now because my smart Boston brethren are fleecing you fools for a game in which Jeter might not even attend. Man, after saying that, I really hope he doesn’t make the trip. A bunch of jabronis spending $400 per ticket to fill Fenway, only to see Stephen Drew and Will Middlebrooks play baseball. That’d be classic.

I like how you praise Jeter as a great human too even though he agreed to star in a commercial where literally everyone in the world just tells him he’s the greatest thing to ever happen, and he’s just like, “Yeah, guys, I know it. Looks, Michael Jordan, I know, I’m the best. Thanks for the hat tip.” What a goober.

Nevertheless, you cheer the guy, because he was a good player who was a worthy rival for a long-ass time. People here won’t be cheering for him the way they cheer for Orr and Bird and Brady — people here would cheer when those guys fart. “Wow! Best fart of all time!!” Instead, people here will begrudgingly cheer for Jeter because A) it’s the right thing to do, and B) they’ll never have to see him send a dinky bloop single over the first baseman’s head to drive in another run.

Keefe: That was harsh. You won’t have to worry about those bloops even in September because he isn’t hitting the ball anywhere other than to short at this point. In the ninth inning on Sunday with the tying run on third and two outs, he hit his patented bloop to right and I thought at first it would fall and the Yankees would tie the game. But instead it fell at second base and the game was over. Not even the bloops are blooping anymore.

Since baseball has been over in Boston for a while now and the summer became more about you trying to get tickets for $2 and waiting until Week 1 of the NFL season, we are now there. It’s Week 1!

Even though you didn’t have much of a baseball season, at least you know your football team is going to walk through the regular season once again and end up with a first-round bye because the Jets still suck, the Dolphins somehow haven’t improved and the Bills are the Bills. You have at least five wins from your division before the opening kickoff of the season and then you just have to go .500 against the rest of the schedule and you have January football once again. It’s disgusting. Vegas has the Patriots over/under wins at 11 even though the last time the team won less than 11 games was Brady’s first season back from ACL surgery. Is there anyway the Patriots don’t win at least 12 games barring anything happening to TB12? Let me know so I can get a wager in on since is the last time I plan on talking to you until Sept. 26.

Hurley: 16-0. See you in Glendale, baby.

The Patriots have never played a bad game in Arizona after an undefeated regular season, have they? Didn’t think so! All right, now I’m ready for kickoff.

Blogs • Yankees

Jul 8, 2014

Sorry, Soriano

Alfonso Soriano became the first scapegoat for the 2014 Yankees, but he gave me a lot of memories during his time with the Yankees.

I was sitting in a hotel room in New Jersey for a junior hockey tournament when one of my teammates came barging into the room yelling, “WE GOT A-ROD!” in a tone comparable to Axl Rose asking “DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE EFF YOU ARE?!”

Alex Rodriguez: a Yankee. The idea seemed surreal and knowing that he had recently been traded and then untraded to the Red Sox, I didn’t really believe it. But once it was confirmed I started thinking about where he would play and where he would hit and if the Yankees would ever lose another game, but I wasn’t thinking of the most important question: who did the Yankees give up?

***

Don Mattingly was my favorite player when I first started attending Yankees games at the age of four in 1991 and it was his player T-shirt I wore over and over and over until the NY on the front started to break apart and fade and the dark blue of the shirt started to look more like New York Rangers blue than New York Yankees blue from the washing machine. I was only nine when Mattingly played his last game in 1995, but I wasn’t without a favorite player for long because the following April on Opening Day 1996, Derek Jeter started at shortstop … and has ever since.

Jeter has been a staple of my baseball life for nearly my entire life as well as for many other 20-something-year-olds in the tri-state area. It’s Jeter’s number 2 I wanted to wear and his swing I tried to emulate and his at-bats I had to watch and his line in the box score I checked when I missed those at-bats. No one has ever come close to Mattingly and Jeter for me, but in 2001, someone became a close second to those two.

***

Last Wednesday, I sat in Section 203 at Yankee Stadium and watched the Yankees slowly and miserably lose to David Price and the Rays and for some reason I paid extra close attention to Alfonso Soriano in right field. At the time I didn’t know it would be the last time I would ever see him play for the Yankees. It’s been nearly 11 years since I first thought I would never see him play for the Yankees again sitting in that hotel room in New Jersey.

Even getting the best player in baseball and destroying everything the Red Sox had spent their entire offseason working for, I was devastated to see Soriano get traded to the Rangers. After Jeter, he had become” the guy” even if he was coming off of a 20-strikeout performance between the ALCS and World Series. But when you’re acquiring the reigning AL MVP at 28 years old and locked up for at least four more years, you’re more apt to get over a trade of that magnitude and more willing to forget how much fun it was watching Soriano play.

I have wondered too much over the last 10-plus years what things would have been like if the Red Sox had successfully traded for Alex Rodriguez and if Alfonso Soriano had stayed with the Yankees all of this time instead of going to Texas, Washington and Chicago. Would 2004 have ended differently? Would Soriano have stayed at second base? Would Robinson Cano ever have been a Yankee? Would A-Rod still be getting paid by a Major League Baseball team? Would A-Rod have become a professional wrestler or a contestant on The Apprentice or a star of Celebrity Rehab? Would we ever have found out about A-Rod’s love for high stakes poker and for strippers and prostitutes? (I think if the Yankees had a crystal ball in February 2004, they probably wouldn’t have made the trade.)

I started to think about all of this on Sunday when I found out that Soriano had been designated for assignment. At .221/.244/.367 he was nowhere near the .256/.325/.525 player he was during the second half of last season, but in a limited and platoon role, his numbers were understandable for a guy who averaged 144 games per season over his 13-year career as an everyday player. With the Yankees struggling to score runs and coming off another embarrassing one-run effort on Saturday, a game in which Soriano went 0-for-4 with two strikeouts and had his third straight two-strikeout game, he became the first scapegoat for the 2014 Yankees. Someone had to pay the price for the Yankees scoring two runs or less seemingly every day and since Brian McCann and Carlos Beltran contractually couldn’t pay the price and because the .212/.289/.376-hitting Kelly Johnson, who has one home run since May 3, is apparently a distant relative of Brian Cashman, Soriano was the one who had to go.

Soriano was supposed to be the Yankees’ designated hitter this season. He was supposed to play in the outfield only to give others a day off. But because of the old, brittle signing of Carlos Beltran and having the softest player in all of baseball in Mark Teixeira, Soriano lost out on being the full-time DH and was relegated to infrequent at-bats as part of an outfield rotation with Ichiro. The Yankees put Soriano, a career everyday player, in a position to fail and when he did, they let him go.

He became the first Yankee to fall on a team whose $180 million first baseman has missed games for being tired from standing on the bases, whose $85 million catcher isn’t hitting and just keeps telling the media how horrible he is, whose $45 million right fielder can’t play right field, whose $153 million center fielder is proving his 2012 power was an anomaly and who is playing at a level less than the left fielder who only got and whose $700,000-per-start “ace” hasn’t pitched since May 10 and might never pitch again. Soriano wasn’t the problem with the 2014 Yankees, but with the Yankees only owing him about $2.5 million for the rest of the season, he was the easiest choice for Brian Cashman to show he finally means business after watching the nearly half-billion dollars he spent this offseason play .500 baseball for 86 games.

Even Jeter, who never seems fazed by any roster move, was surprised by Soriano being designated for assignment. And Jeter was right to be with the time and chances given to others who offer much less in an everyday role.

“Soriano is like family to me,” Jeter said. “I have played with him a long time, when he first came up and when he came back. Sori has had a tremendous career here in New York and it was difficult for him this year. Not playing every day, it’s hard to be productive. I feel for him and I am going to miss him but I will be in touch with him. He is like a brother to me. He should be proud of what he was able to do.”

I’ll remember Alfonso Soriano for his magical 2002 season when he led the league in hits, runs and stolen bases, when it felt like he would lead off every game with a home run. I’ll remember him for hitting .400 against the 116-win Mariners in the 2001 ALCS and the way he tried to single-handedly carry a mediocre Yankees team to the playoffs in 2013, hitting 17 home runs and 50 RBIs in 58 games. I’ll remember his high socks, his long swing and the way he stared at most likely all of his 412 home runs until they reached their destination. And I’ll always remember feeling like Mikey McDermott sitting on a full house with three stacks of high society on the line following Soriano’s solo home run against Curt Schilling in the ninth inning of Game 7 of the 2001 World Series to give the Yankees a 1-0 lead before it all came crashing down a few minutes later when the Diamondbacks showed aces full like Teddy KGB.

Soriano won’t have a plaque in Monument Park and there won’t be a day for him at Yankee Stadium. Eventually his legacy will likely become the answer to the question “Who was Alex Rodriguez traded to the Yankees for?” that the YES broadcasters ask during a Yankees-Rangers game in 2029. But for me and for the generation of Yankees fans my age, he’ll always be the scrawny kid that came up wearing number 58, switched to 53 then to 33 and settled on 12, swung the biggest bat in the league, started all the handshakes and long tossed with Jeter down the first-base line before every game.

Blogs • Email Exchanges • Yankees

Jun 18, 2013

A Series of Firsts for Don Mattingly’s Dodgers

The Dodgers are in the Bronx for a two-game series, presenting a lot of firsts at Yankee Stadium, including one with this email exchange with Brittni Michaelis.

The Dodgers are in the Bronx for the first time since 1981 and for the first time since interleague play began and Don Mattingly is at Yankee Stadium in the visiting dugout for the first time. So I figured, let’s keep it going with things happening for the first time. What does that mean? An email exchange with a girl and my girlfriend: Dodger fan Brittni Michaelis.

Keefe: Your Kings couldn’t defend the Cup. Your Lakers were an atrocity. The Vikings quarterback is Christian Ponder. But when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, your $216 million Dodgers are 29-39 and in last place in the NL West. Last place! In the NL West! Again, that’s … Last place! In the NL West! Even Christian Ponder can chime in and say something sucks when it comes to the Dodgers.

Maybe you’ll blame the ownership group for trading for and putting their faith in players who didn’t pan out in Boston and blamed God for losses (Adrian Gonzalez) or wore out their welcome in Boston (Josh Beckett) or got fat (Josh Beckett) or stopped caring about baseball because they had a kid (Josh Beckett) or spend time on the disabled list with mysterious injuries (Josh Beckett) or former stars that even the Marlins didn’t want (Hanley Ramirez) or a $142 million outfielder who broke down like a dumped Bachelor contestant when asked about the media treatment in Boston (Carl Crawford). Maybe you’ll blame Ned Colletti for being the general manager during the time when all of these moves took place. But if you’re going to blame injuries then you came to the wrong place because the Yankees have watched Derek Jeter, Mark Teixeira, Curtis Granderson, Alex Rodriguez, Francisco Cervelli, Kevin Youkilis, Andy Pettitte and Joba Chamberlain all spend time on the disabled list this season.

So if I were to ask you why the Dodgers are 7 ½ games back in the NL West or why they are five games worse than the Padres or why they only have three more wins than the Houston Astros, how would you answer? Actually I’m going to ask you that. Why are the Dodgers so bad and who is to blame?

Michaelis: Well, hello to you too, pal. Thanks for coming out swinging. While you make valid points about the Lakers and Vikings, I refuse to get rattled by you. I refuse.

Despite your ever-so charming wittiness and sarcasm, this Dodgers team is no different from the ones in the past. The issue with this team isn’t the ownership group, injuries or individual players.

Sure, Josh Beckett sucks (0-5 with a 5.19 ERA) and would rather be drinking beers, eating fried chicken and surfing off the coast of Malibu, but can you really blame him? Before he experienced “hand-numbness” and was subsequently put on the disabled list, his last three starts weren’t terrible for him (0-2, 13 IP, 17 H, 12 R, 9 ER, 7 BB, 16 K). But his career might be over because of numbness in his pitching hand, so give the guy a break.

I realize you dislike Gonzalez almost as much as I dislike Jason Schmidt (even the mention of his name makes me angry), but Gonzalez is the only reason why we aren’t 20 games under .500. His stats this season? .303/8/44 with 71 hits. He has a better average (.308), more RBIs (44) and a better OBP (.365) than any Yankee. I’m sure you’re thinking, “Well that’s because the Yankees play in a better division and how can he only have 8 homeruns in the NL West?” But I can’t control what division the Dodgers are in, just like I can’t control the air conditioning on the Metro North.

The issue isn’t one player, the issue is the whole damn team. The lack of chemistry, the lack of consistency and most importantly, the bullpen are the reasons why the Dodgers are 10 games below .500. That bullpen is the death of me. It will be the reason why I have gray hairs before the age of 24. It doesn’t matter what our starting rotation does, the slobs in the bullpen can’t do their job. This happens EVERY year.

You know how in Step Brothers, Dale (Will Ferrell) and Brendan (John C. Reilly) interview for jobs with Seth Rogen’s company and they have it in the bag until Dale screws up and farts? That’s like the Dodgers bullpen. The Dodgers lead the league with 15 blown saves. Their closer, Brandon League, has a 5.54 ERA, has put 41 runners on base in 26 innings and has a .308 batting average against. (Where is Hideo Nomo when you need him?) If Andy Pettitte can still pitch at age 41 then Nomo needs to come out of retirement at the age of 44. Come out, come out, wherever you are, Nomo.

Keefe: I’m embarrassed. For someone who is supposed to be an expert on all things anti-Josh Beckett, I can’t believe I forgot about his surfing/body surfing/boogie boarding trip in Malibu with his gut flopping around in the Pacific Ocean. My apologies.

But your response made me realize two things:

1. I miss being able to talk about people like Josh Beckett, Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford now that they are in the NL West and out of my life.

2. It’s funny how naive you are about the entitled frauds that wear your favorite’s team uniform.

I’m not sure how you or anyone could feel bad for Josh Beckett. Beckett is making $15.75 million this season. So if he made 30 starts, which he has only made once since 2010 and twice since 2008, he would make $1 million per start. But he hasn’t started since May 13 and won’t come close to 30 this season, so do the math. He’s stealing money just like your hero Jason Schmidt did from the Dodgers. Sure, Schmidt only started 10 games (3-6, 6.02 ERA) for the Dodgers in three years after signing a three-year, $47 million deal, but his time on the disabled list likely helped the Dodgers.

I can’t tell you how good it makes me feel to see Beckett have no wins, a 5.19 ERA, a 1.500 WHIP and have grown a third and fourth chin since arriving in Los Angeles. The only bad part is I wish he was doing this in Boston because the media and fans there would have destroyed him while in Los Angeles people feel bad for him.

(Here’s the winless Beckett in 2012 talking about missing a start with a back problem, but being seen on a golf course during the time when he was out of the Red Sox rotation. What a guy!)

As for Adrian Gonzalez, let’s take a trip down memory lane. Here’s what your awesome No. 3 hitter had to say following Game 162 in 2011 after the worst regular-season collapse in Major League Baseball history.

“We didn’t do a better job with the lead. I’m a firm believer that God has a plan and it wasn’t in his plan for us to move forward.”

“God didn’t have it in the cards for us.”

“We play too many night games on getaway days and get into places at 4 in the morning. This has been my toughest season physical because of that. We play a lot of night games on Sunday for television and those things take a lot out of you.”

“They can put the Padres on ESPN, too. The schedule really hurt us. Nobody is really reporting that.”

Poor, Adrian Gonzalez. He has to play baseball for $21 million a year and it’s really hard and demanding. It’s not his fault that his teams, whether it be the Padres or Red Sox or Dodgers, have collapsed down the stretch with him as the focal point of their offenses. Why would it be his fault? And why should he be held accountable?

I just can’t wait for the Dodgers to get the “x” next to their name in the standings for being mathematically eliminated and then when Gonzalez is asked about it, hopefully he blames God for the Dodgers’ failures. I’m sure you will appreciate him then too.

Even if the Dodgers’ problems are team-wide like you believe they are, I believe they stem from the “people” they brought in to play for them. Sometimes we all forget that baseball is more numbers and like a wise man once said, “The game has a heartbeat.” And the Dodgers’ heart could use a triple bypass followed by a strict diet.

The sad thing is Don Mattingly will end up taking the fall for this even though the ownership group and Colletti gave him the wrong pieces. How about the Dodgers fire Mattingly and Donnie Baseball comes back to the Bronx and your Dodgers get a new manager? I like that idea.

Michaelis: I’m sure your just fine without the trio of Beckett, Gonzalez and Crawford in the AL East. Remember you still have Brian Boyle, Mark Teixeira, and Boone Logan (LOL). I’m sure those three are providing you with plenty to talk about. Actually based on your Twitter account, I would say you’re faring just fine without the Dodgers trio.

It’s 2013. I don’t care what Adrian Gonzalez did or said in 2011. The Red Sox collapsed, the Yankees didn’t win the World Series and the Dodgers didn’t even make the playoffs, so what is notable about 2011? Time to move on. I’m talking about the 2013 Adrian Gonzalez. You want to rip him for complaining in 2011 then go ahead, but he’s producing and isn’t the problem.

You can’t buy chemistry. Just look at the team across the way from Chavez Ravine. The Los Angeles Angels (or really the Anaheim Angels) tried to do exactly what the Dodgers are and they are failing. It’s a team-wide problem, guys aren’t producing, and the bullpen … I don’t even have a word for it. The bullpen is a grade A disaster.

A wise fellow once said, “Pitching wins championships” and that’s one thing the Dodgers don’t have. Clayton Kershaw can’t pitch 162 games. If he could, the Dodgers would be undefeated. His supporting cast has been laughable and there isn’t much Adrian Gonzalez, Donnie Baseball, Matt Kemp or hitting coach Mark McGwire can do about that.

I would happily pay Josh Beckett to stay away. Ride the bench, eat all the KFC you want, hang 10 on your long board at Trestles Beach. What’s another $15.75 million? Like you said, Ned Colletti already threw away $47 million when he signed Jason Schmidt in 2007 and he only pitched 10 games for the Dodgers! Easily the best pick-up of 2007.

Since Schmidt didn’t work out and Ted Lilly and Chad Billingsley are both on the DL (such daggers) the Dodgers starting pitching has been a merry-go-round and really the only three consistent pitchers have been Kershaw, Zack Greinke and Hyun-Jin Ryu. The Dodgers starters look like this.

1. Clayton Kershaw (5-4, 1.84 ERA)

2. Zack Greinke (3-2, 4.22 ERA)

3. Hyun-Jin Ryu (6-2, 2.85 ERA)

4. Stephen Fife (1-2, 3.74 ERA)

5. Chris Capuano (1-4, 5.45 ERA)

6. Matt Magill (0-2, 6.51 ERA)

Ready for the bullpen breakdown? Pull up a chair because you might want to sit down for this one.

Kenley Jansen (2.57 ERA)

Paco Rodriguez (3.38 ERA)

Matt Guerrier (3.58 ERA)

Ronald Belisario (4.78 ERA)

Brandon League (5.54 ERA)

Our closer has a 5.54 ERA. A 5.54 ERA. Brandon League hit the jackpot because of Colletti’s stupidity and signed a three-year, $22.5 million deal last year. How does he still have a job? How do either of them still have a job?

Again, the issue isn’t the Boston trio who came to L.A., the issue is that the Dodgers go after players past their prime and expect them to produce the way they did in the past. (Think Nomar Garciaparra, Andruw Jones and Manny Ramirez.) The Dodgers only bright spots are Kershaw, Kemp (when healthy), Gonzalez and Yasiel Puig. If they signed up for a Wiffle ball tournament they would be untouchable. Unfortunately baseball requires nine players.

The Dodgers don’t need triple-bypass surgery, they need a detox. It’s funny hearing this from you, the guy who only likes pasta, pizza and chicken. Maybe you and the Dodgers can sign up for Equinox together? I’m sure they can find the funds somewhere.

Keefe: I’m not sure the Dodgers can afford a monthly membership at Equinox even after getting more than $6 billion in their TV deal. Where are they getting that money? Who is watching them? Do people in Los Angeles even like sports? And if they do, do they like watching a last-place team?

On your point about Kershaw pitching 162 games and being undefeated, well that’s a little farfetched. Kershaw is 5-4 in 15 starts and one of those wins came in a complete-game shutout on Opening Day when he won 1-0 on his own solo home run. So no the Dodgers wouldn’t be undefeated if Kershaw pitched all 162 games. But if he pitched for a team that could actually score runs, then yes that team would probably be undefeated or close to it since the Dodgers average 3.02 runs in games Kershaw starts. Where is the Dodgers’ savior Adrian Gonzalez when Kershaw starts? (I can’t wait for the Dodgers to make a run at the NL West and Gonzalez to show you why he’s an empty-calorie guy as he crumbles in September.)

As for the next two games at Yankee Stadium, Hyun-Jin Ryu scares me because the Yankees have never seen him before and the Yankees are 0-379 in my lifetime when facing a starter they have never seen before. But Hiroki Kuroda gets a chance to go against his former team and when you have a 2.78 ERA in the AL like he does, that usually will translate into good things against an offensively-challenged team like the Dodgers. I like the Yankees in the first game.

In the second game, the bad news is Phil Hughes, who I have zero faith in and who shouldn’t even be a starting pitcher, and who is in his final months being a Yankee and I can’t wait until he is a free agent, is pitching. The good news is he is going against Chris Capuano, proud owner of a 2-6 record and 5.45 ERA. This game could be an offensive gongshow for two teams who have trouble scoring even one run. If Hughes doesn’t lay an A.J. Burnett egg and can keep it close and the Yankees can get into that awesome bullpen you have then I like our chances.

So yes, I’m predicting a two-game sweep from the Yankees, not only because they need it after that horrific West Coast road trip, but like I already knew and you helped confirm: the Dodgers are a bad team.

Michaelis: Actually the Dodgers are first in attendance this season. We don’t have to deal with the wishy-washy suits that the Yankees have to deal with. People in L.A. will actually go to the game regardless of if we’re in first place or last place.

Kershaw going undefeated is farfetched? The Dodgers wouldn’t be undefeated? And here I thought baseball was an individual sport. Yes, the Dodgers need to score runs, they are 29th in runs scored, but again it’s the pitching. The Dodgers have scored 240 runs, but have allowed 289 runs for a -49 run differential. I’m no mathematician, but I’m pretty sure the equation is if you score more runs than you allow, you will win and if you allow less runs than you score, you will win! The Dodgers lineup isn’t producing, but you can’t really blame Gonzalez. No one’s calling him the Dodgers’ savior, but he isn’t the reason we are sitting in last place in the NL West. He is certainly a step up from James Loney.

You know it’s karma. I laughed at you when you said that the Yankees were good, but even you didn’t think they were going to do this well. You wanted them to be .500 when Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez and Mark Teixeira returned, but they’re even better than that with Jeter and A-Rod not back yet and Teixeira returning to the DL. (I hope his wrist is OK.)

From the first chuckle I knew it would come back to bite me in the ass and it did. Or I could blame the Dodgers’ current woes on my lack of team spirit. I haven’t worn my Dodgers socks in a while…

This two-game short lived series should be good. The Dodgers have nothing to lose really, they are 7 1/2 games back and every Dodger fan knows they don’t turn it on until end of August or beginning of September. But the Yankees can’t afford a two-game sweep and possibly be five games back of … the Red Sox! Yikes.

Kuroda’s last five starts have all resulted in losses since apparently the Yankees can’t hit either.But the Dodgers got the luck of the draw in facing Hughes. I’m hoping he has another outing like the one against the Mariners back on May 15 (0.2 IP, 7 ER). JUST ONE TIME, PLEASE! Puig will also be a factor in the series and it will be my first time witnessing the Cuban sensation that Vin Scully loves to watch. Also the Yankees are batting someone named Thomas Neal in the 5-spot so that should be fun.

If Capuano is pitching the series will be split, no matter what the Dodgers do and if suddenly they realize they can swing the bat and hit the ball, Capuano will give up runs and lots of them.

I’m excited to watch my beloved Doyers in the bleachers. I hope Bald Vinny and his crew are nice to me. Donnie Baseball ‘s return to Yankee Stadium should be a great momentous event to help set the stage. Maybe this will be the turning point for the Dodgers? Steal two wins in the Bronx?

I should have made the bet that whoever wins this series gets a free months rent. Things are going to get heated, I can feel it. In the words of the great Vin Scully, “It’s time for Dodger baseball!”

Tag: Don Mattingly

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