Email Exchanges – Page 15 – Keefe To The City

Sep 6, 2013

Giants-Cowboys Should Provide Usual Drama in Dallas

The New York Football Giants are back and open the season on Sunday night against the Cowboys in Dallas and that calls for an email exchange with Dave Halprin of Blogging the Boys.

The New York Football Giants are back and have the spotlight on them to start the season for the second straight year with a national TV game against the Cowboys in Dallas. It’s a battle between two teams with high expectations and the two teams no one knows what to expect each week. The talent in Sunday night’s game is unquestionable, but the consistent play from the NFC East rivals certainly is.

With the season kicking off in Dallas I did an email exchange with Dave Halprin of Blogging the Boys to talk about the game, how Tony Romo is perceived in Dallas and what the concerns are for both teams in Week 1.

Keefe: The two games the Giants and Cowboys played in 2012 were the two examples of what Giants football is.

In the first game (Week 1), the Giants were opening the NFL season at home after improbably winning the Super Bowl for the second time in four years. Prior to the game, they celebrated what they had done to end the 2011 regular season, their domination of the Falcons, their embarrassment of the Packers, their escape in San Francisco and their final-minute devastation of the Patriots … again. Would the Giants come out and prove to the football world that their playoff performance was who they really were and not what their 9-7 record suggested they were? Of course not. The Giants lost at home to a division rival because that’s what the Giants do. They lose when they’re supposed to win, they lose at home and they lose to the Cowboys at home.

When the Giants went to Dallas on Oct. 28 (Week 8), they had won three straight and five of six since their Opening Night loss to the Cowboys and were looking like the January-February Giants and not the the November-December Giants. When the Giants went up 13-0 in the first quarter and led 23-0 just 1:55 into the second quarter it felt too good to be true. And it was. The Cowboys scored 24 unanswered points to take the lead before two fourth-quarter field goals from Lawrence Tynes gave the Giants a 29-24 lead with 3:55 left. But even that wasn’t enough. An overturned 37-yard-touchdown catch by Dez Bryant nearly gave the Cowboys the lead (and most likely the win) with 10 seconds left. How did the game even get to that point? Because that’s what the Giants do. They never can put teams away and finish off a should-be laugher.

When the Giants last left me off, they routed an Eagles team that had been longing for the clock to run out in Week 17, but it was too little too late. They had blown their postseason chances by destroying their 6-2 record and losing to the Falcons and Ravens by a combined 67-14 in Weeks 15 and 16. So now what? Are the 2013 Giants going to be the 2012 Week 1-8 Giants or the 2012 Week 9-17 Giants. Is the offense going to be the big-play offense we have grown accustomed or the red-zone challenged offense that settles for field goals? (This is mostly because of Kevin Gilbride.) I like to think the Giants are going to be right there for the division and a playoff berth because I don’t want to think otherwise.

But let’s turn this over to you. The 2012 Cowboys left you off with a missed opportunity to control their own playoff destiny at the end of the season once again. So how do you feel about the 2013 Cowboys?

Halprin: By nature I’m an optimist, so I’ll probably always err on that side. But there are reasons to feel good about the 2013 Dallas Cowboys. One of the big things is they have been trying to upgrade the offensive line, a unit that was really holding them back. Besides Tyron Smith at left tackle, nobody was really that good last year, with some of them plain awful. Dallas drafted Travis Frederick to play center, and despite a lot of noise about picking him too high, it might turn out to be a very smart pick. He’s come in and been the starter at center from day one and has looked very good doing it. He’s held up physically in the middle during preseason, he’s handled the snaps with no problems and he’s making the line calls. His intelligence and his determination are often cited as key characteristics. So far, he looks much better than previous center Phil Costa. Ron Leary is slated to take over at left guard for Nate Livings. Leary was an UDFA in 2012 but only because he has a degenerative knee condition. Based on skill level, the Cowboys had him ranked as a third-rounder and other teams also had him ranked high but were scared away by the knee condition. He will probably start on Sunday and the Cowboys coaches are very excited about him. Doug Free returns as right tackle but after a terrible 2012 season he has looked like a different player in 2013 preseason. He’s regained his footwork and technique, hopefully solidifying the edge. And they just signed Brian Waters to take over at right guard. He’ll be a big upgrade from Mackenzy Bernadeau. So if this offensive line can play well, the Cowboys are stocked at skill positions on offense and should do serious damage. Of course, that’s a big IF the o-line plays well.

On defense, they made the switch to Monte Kiffin’s 4-3 Tampa 2. It’s a much simpler scheme to run and is based partly on creating turnovers. The Cowboys defense was terrible in creating turnovers last year but in the preseason this year they did a great job of getting the ball. Can it carryover into the regular season? We’ll see. The defensive line is banged up right now so that could be an issue, and I expect teams will try to isolate mismatches in the passing game against the base 4-3. It’s a gamble changing the scheme and it’s hard to say how it will play out. But overall, I actually liked what I saw in the preseason from most of the team, except special teams. That’s an area that needs to improve.

Keefe: Tony Romo enters the season with a six-year, $108 million contract extension ($55 million in guaranteed money) and now he will be an even bigger target for the media and football fans around the world who take pleasure in watching the Cowboys and their franchise quarterback fail. Romo has a 55-38 record in the regular season, but he’s won just one playoff game in his career (1-4) and is 0-3 when a playoff berth is on the line (even if none of those are wins or losses are solely because of him).

Romo has always been an intriguing athlete and figure and provides an interesting story because of the national divide on whether or not he is an “elite” quarterback and whether or not he is the answer to the future for the Cowboys. He’s the guy who can put up fake life statistics for 55 minutes of a game and then ruin that same game for his team with untimely decisions in the final five minutes. He has always scared me because of his ability to connect on the big play against the Giants, but at the same time I have always welcomed the idea of the Giants facing him in a big game.

I want to know what the perception of Romo in Dallas and what’s your personal take on him?

Halprin: My guess is there is a wide variety of opinions of Tony Romo in Dallas and among the Cowboys fan base, ranging from loving the guy to blaming the guy for everything. So let me only give my personal take.

Tony Romo is not the problem for the Dallas Cowboys, and he is very much part of the solution. I won’t sit here and say that he hasn’t made some big mistakes in crucial situations, everybody has seen that happen (although it’s curious why that seems to stick with him so much when I’ve seen plenty of other big-time quarterbacks make mistakes at crucial moments). The problem is Dallas wouldn’t even be in games with playoff berths on the line if it wasn’t largely through Romo’s efforts. If the Cowboys had a decent offensive line the past few years and a pass defense that didn’t constantly breakdown in scheme and through injuries, they would be fighting for higher seeds instead of just trying to make the playoffs.

Last year Romo spent a lot of time avoiding the rush, especially through the middle of the line, while also dealing with a non-existent running game. The Cowboys defense went through so many injuries last year that by the end of the season half of the lineup consisted of backups or street free agents. Yet through all of that Romo put up spectacular stats (except for INTs) and almost had the Cowboys winning the NFC East. Of course everybody will remember the bad game he put up against the Redskins in Week 17, but Dallas isn’t even in contention if not for Romo all year. Dallas’ defense fell apart in 2012, they were awful running the ball, Romo spent a ton of time avoiding the rush, yet he almost got the team in the playoffs. I’ll take that quarterback any day.

Keefe: Hey, it’s not like Eli Manning or Peyton Manning has ever made a big mistake in a crucial situation!

Earlier in the Romo era it seemed like the media was all about the Cowboys with their preseason predictions and this season the Cowboys are garnering some of that same attention they used to get. Meanwhile the Giants are sort of flying under the radar again, especially now with their injuries, which is the way I like it to be for the Giants since they never seem to play well when the spotlight is on them or hype surrounds them.

The biggest concern for me with the Giants is their defense and their depth given their injuries and the lack of talent and experience in the secondary, which leaves Prince Amukamara as the only reliable piece, which isn’t saying a lot. There is a good chance we could see Romo connecting with Dez Bryant and Miles Austin for big plays all night long and turning the game into the game we saw in Week 1 in 2007.

What are you most concerned about in the matchup against the Giants and what do you like for the Cowboys this week?

Halprin: One quick thing about the Romo question from before, I wouldn’t want to leave the impression that I don’t recognize Romo’s faults. The biggest is he can get loose with the football at times and sometimes he presses to make a play when he should just throw it away or take the sack. He’s still got some gunslinger in him which can backfire. Plus, he’s yet to win the big one, which allows you forthwith to make mistakes without heavy recriminations. So there’s that.

What concerns me most about this game is the Cowboys defensive line being ravaged by injury. Dallas will be without starters Jay Ratliff and probably without Anthony Spencer, they also lost a key backup early in camp (Tyrone Crawford) and they just lost Ben Bass, another key backup. They’ll be starting a player at defensive end who wasn’t even with them at the start of training camp (George Selvie). Besides DeMarcus Ware and Jason Hatcher, this is a patchwork defensive line. Also, Ron Leary will probably start at guard but is just coming back from a knee injury, so his play may be a little rusty. And at the other guard we’re likely to see Mackenzy Bernadeau, who is sketchy at best. Maybe Dallas will decide to play Brian Waters after all.

What I like is the Cowboys passing game versus the Giants back seven. There are a lot of question marks in coverage for New York, and Dez Bryant, Miles Austin and Jason Witten should be ready for big games as long as the line can protect Romo. We’ve seen Dan Connor play in Dallas and he struggles mightily in pass coverage, Dallas will look to exploit that if he’s in the game. And any corner not named Prince will surely be a prime target. The Cowboys passing game should be able to put points on the board if Romo stays upright.

Keefe: Since the start of the 2009 season, six of the eight games have been decided by seven points or less with the four games in Dallas being decided by 2, 6, 3, 5 points and the Giants have won all four of those games. The Giants have been a terrible home team during the entire Eli Manning era (they have one home playoff win during his career) and have played better on the road pretty much anywhere not named New Orleans, so it’s not just a Dallas thing, but I do like the success they had had in the Big D.

I have no idea how Sunday night will play out, mainly because if I did I would be living in a penthouse on the strip in Las Vegas making a living with my ability to correctly predict football games. Forget that it’s Week 1 and a new team and a new season, but the inconsistencies of the Giants complicate things the most when trying to visualize the game and what might happen.

It wouldn’t surprise me if the Giants came out and aired it out all game and let Eli, Hakeem Nicks and Victor Cruz play the type of game the Giants should be playing without Kevin Gilbride getting his hands on it and incorporating too much of a running game. But it also wouldn’t surprise me if the Giants come out and play the way they did in Weeks 15 and 16 last year against the Falcons and Ravens and lay an egg to stat their season.

The highs and lows of emotions as a Giants fan during a single game is something I wish every fan could experience (and maybe they already do) and I’m sure that my feeling of ecstasy for football being back will carry me until kickoff and I’m also sure the Giants will have me questioning whether or not I even like football at some point during the game (probably on the first drive).

What do you expect to happen Sunday night?

Halprin: As you mentioned, in recent games between these two teams the scored has usually remained close. Cowboys fans are pretty bitter about the Giants winning at JerryWorld so regularly, I imagine the players are kind of tired of it, too. I guess I expect another hard-fought NFC East divisional clash, but I also think this game could get sloppy at points. Dallas is dealing with injuries and change in a lot of areas which can be problematic, and combined with this being the first game of the season, perfect execution is doubtful. The Giants are also dealing with significant injuries on the O-line and in a couple of other spots, so overall it could be a matter of which backups who are forced into action make fewer mistakes.

I do think the Cowboys will win, but that’s just me being an optimist. I fully realize they could just as easily lose, so I’m not over-confident, but I predict a Cowboys victory, maybe 27-21 or something along those lines.

Blogs • Email Exchanges • Yankees

Sep 5, 2013

The Yankees’ Last Chance to Make a Run at the Red Sox

The Red Sox are in New York for the last time this season unless the Yankees can continue their winning ways to set up a postseason series against their rival. It’s time for an email exchange with Mike Hurley.

The Yankees are 18-8 since they played the Tigers at home starting on Aug. 9. But even with a .692 winning percentage for nearly a month, the Yankees are still 2 1/2 games out for the second wild card and eight games out in the division. Their last chance to make a run at the division starts on Thursday night in the Bronx against the Red Sox. You know what that means. An email exchange with Mike Hurley.

Keefe: It seems like we don’t do one of these for months and then all of a sudden we are doing one a week since here I am talking to you just 19 days since our last one. I guess that’s a good job by Bud Selig and the MLB schedulers for stacking Yankees-Red Sox games and not spreading them out over the six-month season. Between the scheduling, the wild-card format and the replay system, which will put more value on innings 7-9 over 1-6 because that’s logical, well I would say that Bud’s legacy will be about being an innovator and genius and not the man who watched the PED era grow and blossom under his watch. I don’t think we have to worry about him reading this though since it’s an “email exchange” and contains the word “email” and Bud has never sent an email in his life. If there’s one thing I have learned in life it’s that you can’t trust a man who’s never sent an email. And since he’s never sent an email, he’s probably never been on YouTube either since he doesn’t allow MLB videos on YouTube and if we can’t trust someone who’s never sent an email, I don’t even want to know that a grown man that has never been on YouTube exists.

Somewhere in that last paragraph I mentioned the wild-card format. The decision to have two wild cards and a one-game playoff to advance to the division series was a decision made by MLB that I was strongly against and spent thousands of words destroying in a way that I have only ever destroyed A.J. Burnett, John Tortorella, Joe Girardi, Boone Logan, Nick Johnson and Brian Cashman. But here are the Yankees just 2 1/2 games out of playing in the wild-card game in a season that had it been pre-2012 they would be five games out of the only wild-card spot. So guess what, Michael Hurley … I love the wild-card format! I love it so much that I wish there was a third wild-card team. Can we get a third wild-card team? That way the Yankees make the playoffs and the top wild-card team could play the second and third wild-card teams in a one-game playoff before the one-game playoff. More one-game playoffs! Are you with me? Who doesn’t love one-game playoffs? I know Bud does. It’s too bad he can’t remember his AOL password to sign on and read this exchange.

Hurley: The funny part about Bud (just kidding, there’s nothing funny about Bud except for his Google image results page) is that prior to last year, I’m sure adding the wild card back in ’95 would have been near the top of the list of his proudest achievements. But now he’s completely thrown that system in the garbage, even though he used to think it was great, only to force some team that otherwise would have been in the ALDS to participate in a one-game playoff against a team that otherwise would be golfing.

For comparison with other sports, a one-game playoff in MLB accounts for a 0.6 percent representation of the regular season determining a playoff series. You may say, “Well, football has one-game playoffs, and that league is pretty good,” but one NFL game accounts for a 6.25 percent representation of the regular season. That would be a 10-game series in baseball. And in hockey and basketball, a playoff series lasts between four and seven games, which is between 4.9 percent and 8.5 percent of the regular season.

And the “just win your division!” argument is for dopes. The Braves could literally play the rest of the season with each player tying one hand behind his own back and still cruise to an NL East title, while the Cubs, Cardinals and Pirates will battle like crazy to avoid the stupid one-game playoff. All three of those teams could end up winning around 93 games, which could end up being enough to win the NL East and maybe even the AL West, but JUST WIN YOUR DIVISION! Even if the schedules are imbalanced and you play 90-win teams 36 times while another division leader gets to play four of the worst teams in baseball 72 times, I don’t care, just win your division!

So, sorry about that. Did you ask me a question?

Keefe: The last time we did this was on Aug. 16 and you said this regarding the Yankees’ playoff chances:

Do I think the Yankees can outplay the Royals, Indians and Orioles from now until Sept. 29? Absolutely. The Yankees have some soft opponents on the schedule, and they’re destined by a higher power to always split their season series with the Red Sox, so it won’t take an otherworldly effort for them to gain 5 1/2 games in a month and a half.

Since then the Yankees jumped the Royals, Indians and Orioles in the standings and the only thing that is between them and a playoff game is the Rays, who have lost seven of their last 10 games and still have five games left on the West Coast before returning home to host the Red Sox. Everything is falling in to place just like you had predicted and I want to thank you for that.

But before I buy a respirator, a defibrillator, steal someone inhaler, pick up two handles of Jack Daniels and a case of Bud Heavy for a potential one-game playoff involving the Yankees, the Yankees have to do some work against the Red Sox during this four-game series at the Stadium this week. And by work I mean they need to do what they did in August 2009 in the Bronx when they swept the Red Sox and put away the AL East and changed the way that season had been going. OK, so they don’t need to sweep, but they do need to win at least three games here at home in order to keep up with the wild-card race and even slowly drag the division back in the picture.

With the Red Sox holding a 5 1/2-game lead in the division over the Rays are you at all nervous about their postseason chances or can we put the clinched “x” next to them in the standings?

Hurley: To answer your question, yes I am very smart and yes I did nail that and yes I rule.

If 2011 taught me anything, it’s that nothing’s ever clinched. Those Red Sox had a much more daunting lineup than this year’s edition, and the ’11 Sox were 1.5 games up on the Yankees and nine games up on the Rays when September began. On Sept. 6, even after the Red Sox started the month 2-4, they still had an eight-game lead over the Rays for the wild card. Obviously you know that things didn’t turn out too well for the 2011 Red Sox, so no I don’t think anything’s clinched.

Where I do think the 2013 Red Sox are worlds apart from the ’11 version is just in guts. I’m sure the real stat-driven baseball analysts would laugh if they heard that, but I didn’t see any of them calling for this team to be a World Series contender when they assembled in Fort Myers in March. It’s a team that just has guts. They never feel like they’re out of a game, they fight and claw for wins, they pull for each other and they care about winning. Obviously they still need to hit and field the ball, but that type of effort is why I don’t anticipate they find themselves in another 2011 nightmare collapse.

I do see that the Red Sox are 7-5 against the Yankees though, so Boston is due to go either 3-4 or 2-5 against the Yankees the rest of the way. That’s just fact.

Keefe: That is just fact. The season series will end 10-9 one way whether one of the two teams only plays three fielders for the rest of the games against each other.

The last time we talked we also talked about how the rivalry had grown quiet because of the turnover on the rosters and because the Red Sox had been bad for the last few seasons. Then Ryan Dempster goes and throws at A-Rod three times before finally hitting him on the fourth try. The benches cleared, but unfortunately no punches were thrown because either A-Rod knew he might be 1-on-25 or because he realized that he’s appealing a 211-game suspension and he doesn’t need to give MLB any other reason to try and keep him off the field.

A lot was made about the incident since Dempster isn’t exactly Mr. Baseball with a career of mediocrity and A-Rod’s PED use and suspension appeal didn’t have any impact on Dempster’s career or life. On top of that, Dempster plays with David Ortiz, Boston’s own PED user, and I don’t think he threw at Ortiz in any simulated games or live BP in Fort Myers. But even though Dempster didn’t display his hatred for PED users against Ortiz, that didn’t stop Ortiz from taking A-Rod’s side in the incident and saying that Dempster was out of line.

Did Dempster drilling A-Rod lead the Yankees’ comeback in the game (they were down 2-0 when he got hit)? Probably not. Dempster not being a very good pitcher was really the reason for the Yankees’ comeback, but don’t you think Dempster ended up being a joke following the whole thing when you know that going into the game he thought he was going to be a hero?

And how about Ortiz? Why say anything about what happened? And if you’re going to, why go against your teammate? Is it because Ortiz is friends with A-Rod (because he is)? Or is it because Ortiz doesn’t give an eff about what he says since he did call Boston a “sh-thole” last season, which Boston has forgotten about along with his PED use.

Hurley: Good to know the tears still haven’t dried from your face since A-Rod got hit. Wah. Ever think Dempster wasn’t taking some stand against PED users and instead just thinks, like the rest of the world, that Alex Rodriguez is a dink? I honestly don’t know how or why more pitchers don’t throw at A-Rod more often. The man essentially is involved in litigation against the league and the team that pays him $30 million per year and is on his way to becoming the biggest sociopath in sports history. I’d put one in his back every chance I got if I could throw 90 mph. (I can throw about 60 mph.)

As for Ortiz saying something stupid, that’s what he does every year. Sometimes he calls Boston a “shit hole” even though he’s never once been booed at Fenway, even when he was hitting .050 for a couple of Aprils. Sometimes in July he complains about his contract negotiations from the previous winter. Even though he ended up getting more than he wanted, he claims the process was “embarrassing.” Now, he doesn’t agree with what his teammate did, probably because he likes A-Rod as a friend but more so because he hadn’t said anything stupid this year. But because the Red Sox kept winning, and because Dempster essentially received double his suspension because the Red Sox didn’t want him to pitch, it didn’t really blow up into a huge story this year.

You sound like such a sad loser, by the way. Go back and read what you wrote. It has “sad loser” written all over it.

Keefe: I don’t care that people throw at A-Rod, I care that Dempster did for no reason and you made my point. What does A-Rod making $29 million and suing the Yankees have to do with Dempster? Is Dempster’s aunt a member of the Yankees’ legal team and has to work late now to research and go over paperwork because of A-Rod’s lawsuit? Is Ryan Dempster suddenly baseball’s sheriff for no real reason other than that he wants to be?

Before we go on … Koji Uehara hasn’t given up a run since June 30, has retired 73 of his last 80 batters, throws a splitter basically every pitch and is 38 years old. Is Koji Uehara real life?

Hurley: You continue to cry like a school child. That’s weird to me.

I don’t understand the Koji thing. I mean, I understand it, but when you watch him pitch, he hardly looks like a dominant closer might look in your mind. What’s gotten it done for him is his splitter. Jarrod Saltalamacchia was saying last week that he doesn’t even know what the splitter is going to do. It’s got a lot of movement, and it’s not always the same, so hitters have just been baffled. I don’t know how someone hasn’t gotten into one over the past few months, and I don’t know how much longer it can continue, but to answer your question, no, he’s not real life. He was the team’s fourth choice at closer, behind Joel Hanrahan, Andrew Bailey and Junichi Tazawa. I don’t think a team has ever lucked into a dominant closer quite like this before.

Keefe: Ah, the Red Sox just lucking in to more things like going to Los Angeles for a three-game series and not facing Clayton Kershaw or Zack Greinke or getting Rick Porcello in the series finale against the Tigers or even getting the Dodgers to bail them out and stopping what looked like five-plus years of more bad baseball in Boston. And now a dominant closer down the stretch that they didn’t even consider for the role earlier this season?

On Thursday night the Yankees will face Jake Peavy for the first time with the Red Sox. Peavy has been very good in five of his six starts with Boston with the exception of one clunker against the Royals on Aug. 9. The Red Sox will face Ivan Nova 2.0 who has been dominant since returning from Triple-A and was just named AL Pitcher of the Month after going 4-0 in six August starts with a 2.08 ERA. On Friday we get Andy Pettitte and Felix Doubront, on Saturday we get David Huff in what would have been Phil Hughes’ spot and John Lackey and on Sunday we get Hiroki Kuroda and Jon Lester. Sadly, CC Sabathia will miss out on the chance to put the Yankees in an early hole and blow a lead and there won’t be a Ryan Dempster reunion.

When it comes to these two teams the pitching matchups never seem to matter. The Pettitte-Doubront game will end up being the 1-0 affair and the Kuroda-Lester game will turn in a 12-10 gongshow. But even knowing that the starters don’t matter since long gone are the days of Roger Clemens-Pedro Martinez games, which matchup or matchups intrigue you this weekend?

Hurley: You’re leaving out the fact that Miguel Cabrera missed two of the three games against Boston this week. That was pretty lucky too.

I don’t know which game will be best, but what is up with Sunday’s game being at 1 p.m.? I believe there is a sport called football on at that time. I wish that game was at 4 p.m., when there’s only one good football game on, but such is life.

I’m looking forward to seeing Jake Peavy pitch in Yankee Stadium. That dude gets charged up and drops F-bombs on the mound for throwing one ball. It’s nuts. I guess I like watching guys who look like Mutant Jeremy Renners curse angrily on live TV.

Keefe: Speaking of guys you like watching, I have somehow never ask you what your obsession with Cliff Pennington is. So what is it?

Like you said, the Yankees are due to win at least four of the last seven games of the season series because that’s just how it goes. When these two teams meet for important four-game series (or five in the case of 2005), crazy things tend to happen. And with the Rays playing the Angels on Thursday and then the Mariners over the weekend, the Yankees need to win this series or even do what they did in August 2009 in the four-game series in the Bronx that changed the division and the season.

The Yankees need three or four of these games this week to keep the pressure on the Rays and to even put some pressure on the Red Sox. And if that happens I will see you (well, your inbox) next week for the final three game of the season series.

Hurley: Cliff Pennington has a rocket arm. You should see that guy throw. Best player ever. No competition. He hasn’t figured out hitting yet, but maybe in his 30s he’ll get there.

I’m rooting hard for the Red Sox because if they win three of four and send the Yankees onto a slide, that means you won’t be invading my city next weekend. And any time you can stay away from me, I’m happy.

Blogs • Email Exchanges • Yankees

Aug 16, 2013

Yankees-Red Sox Means Something in August Once Again

The Yankees are back in Boston for a three-game series with the Red Sox and that means an email exchange with Mike Hurley.

It’s been almost a month since the Yankees and Red Sox met in the first series after the All-Star break. The Yankees opened the “second half” by going 6-12, but 5-2 since. The Red Sox started the “second half” strong, going 11-7 , but they have dropped four of their last six.

Here are the AL East standings entering the series:

And here are the AL Wild Card standings entering the series:

The Yankees can’t afford to a lose a series the rest of the way unless they plan on going on a Dodgers-like run to end the season. And as we stand now, it’s probably going to take a Dodgers-like run anyway for this team to make the postseason. Hopefully we look back at the end of the season and say that run started last weekend against the Tigers, which means it would have continued this weekend in Boston.

With the Yankees and Red Sox playing meaningful games in August for the first time since 2011, it means a mandatory email exchange with Mike Hurley from CBS Boston.

Keefe: Hey Michael F. Hurley, I’m writing to you for the first time since July 19 because the Yankees are back in Boston this weekend for a three-game series. I’m not sure if you’re still at the candlelight vigil you held last night for Tom Brady in the Boston Common, or if you’re sleeping because you got back from the vigil late, but don’t worry Tom Brady is going to make it. He might even play in a meaningless preseason game on Friday because that’s a really good idea. Before we get into it, I have one question for you: That was you offering the shocked and stunning, “OH NO!” in the Brady practice video, wasn’t it?

Right now the Yankees actually look like the Yankees. The Makeshift Yankees have slowly dwindled away and now real, actual baseball players are playing for the most storied franchise in major sports. Alfonso Soriano, Curtis Granderson and Alex Rodriguez have replaced the likes of Thomas Neal, Luis Cruz, Alberto Gonzalez, Corban Joseph and David Adams and thankfully Lyle Overbay is hitting eighth in a lineup that he used to hit cleanup in and for some reason the Yankees have won five of their last seven games. It’s really weird how you can win games when household names are playing for your team and not a handful of guys who are going to have to get 9-5 jobs in the very near future. The problem is you can’t have the future 9-5 players in the lineup for the first 113 games of the season and think you’re going to make the playoffs unless you plan on going on Dodgers-like run over the last six weeks of the season.

So with a team that very closely resembles the 95-win Yankees of a year ago and not the Makeshift Yankees of the first 113 games of the season, are you at all nervous about this series, the nine games the two teams have left against each other or the final six weeks of the season?

Hurley: If I had been within 15 feet of that video of Brady going down, it would not have been usable for the local news programs, because the words that would have come out of my mouth would have been much worse than “Oh no.” The bleep man in the edit bay would have had to work overtime to get that thing on TV.

I am personally glad that the Yankees are the Yankees again, because I’m telling you, Corban Joseph is the best pizza delivery man I’ve ever had. Always on time, pizza’s always hot. Love it.

To answer your question, no, I’m not nervous. I never get nervous. I’m not a psychopath like you, for one, and second, no season has ever been decided by a Fenway series in August. Well, except the 2006 season. But that never happened as far as I’m concerned.

As far as the Yankees go, I feel comfortable saying the division is out of reach for them, but thanks to Bud Selig’s Big Top Circus rules, the wild card is absolutely in play. Do I think the Yankees can outplay the Royals, Indians and Orioles from now until Sept. 29? Absolutely. The Yankees have some soft opponents on the schedule, and they’re destined by a higher power to always split their season series with the Red Sox, so it won’t take an otherworldly effort for them to gain 5 1/2 games in a month and a half.

Pretty bold, by the way, to brazenly joke around with Tom Brady’s career like that, while your captain is still hobbling around on one leg. You’re pretty much daring the karma gods with talk like that.

Keefe: I’m not joking around with Tom Brady. I want Tom Brady to be healthy and playing football because football is better when Tom Brady is playing, which is also why you should want Derek Jeter to be healthy because baseball is better when he is playing. If Tom Brady doesn’t play then which team am I stupidly going to put into my parlays and teasers to ruin my Sunday if I don’t pick the Patriots?

I was pretty down on the Yankees, and rightfully so, after their three-game sweep at the hands of the last-place White Sox and their 2-6 road trip that left looking at a mathematical impossibility to make the playoffs. But with this recent four-game winning streak and you sending me links to 1999 ALCS games, it has me longing for postseason baseball and I can’t be without it again the way I was in 2008.

You mentioned Bud Selig’s great invention of the second wild card, which I was strongly against and the only person more against it than me was you. But if the Yankees can sneak in the playoffs thanks to Major League Baseball’s ridiculous postseason format after this disastrous and injury-plagued season then I’m all for a second wild card! Maybe in 2014 we will see a third and fourth wild card since it looks like we are going to get a challenge system in baseball. Where do you think Joe Girardi is going to keep his challenge flags?

Hurley: I’m hoping that MLB does expand to three and four wild-card teams, but instead of a one-game playoff, they all fly to Omaha and play three-inning high stakes games at Rosenblatt Stadium. If they’re tied after three innings, the pitchers have to sumo wrestle on the mound before the second basemen have to compete in a two-pitch home run derby. If it’s still tied, the managers compete to see how much dip they can fit in their mouths. First one to puke loses. Winner moves on to face the regular wild-card winner. Does Bud read your site? If so, I expect this to be put in place in time for October.

Don’t get me wrong, I watch the one-game playoff, and it’ll be “exciting!” and all of that, but it just completely destroys the regular season. A team plays for 162 games and might have the second-best record in the American League, but because it’s not based in California, it has to put its entire season on the line in a nine-inning showdown with a team that might be nine games worse. It’s absolutely ridiculous. This year, the two NL wild cards could come out of the Central, and both could end up with better records than the eventual NL East-champion Braves. But hey, just win your division!

I won’t crush the proposed replay changes like everyone else seems to be, though. As you know, my dream job in life is to work in NHL headquarters, eating a dozen donuts and fielding calls from NHL arenas, with referees asking me, “Hey, Mikey, how’zitgoin up there, eh? Yeah well ahh, look it dere ahh, is that a goal?” Then I’d say, “Ahh, Billy that’s no goal.” And then the ref would say “Allllrighty, Mikey, thanks a lot dere have a good night.” And then I’ll say “OK dere, Billy, will do now.” Then I’d wolf down three glazed donuts and a cruller.

Well, if MLB institutes the same concept, that doubles my chances of one day landing my dream job, albeit one without the great Canadian accents and Tim Horton’s. But hey, beggars can’t be choosers. Bring on the replay system.

Keefe: My favorite thing about the new replay system is that managers get one challenge in the first six innings and then two from the seventh inning on because as you know, the first six innings of the game aren’t as important as the last three innings, just like MLB games in April don’t count the same as games in September.

But as we embark on a stretch run in which the Yankees will have to make a serious push to avoid missing the postseason for the first time since 2008 and the Red Sox will have to hold their ground to reach the postseason for the first time since 2009, our previous discussions about the 1999 ALCS made me think: Is the Yankees-Red Sox rivalry dead or just in a coma? Sure, I hate the Red Sox as much as I did 14 years ago and I’m sure you don’t like the Yankees anymore than you did when Roger Clemens became one, but it just feels so blah lately when it comes to the overall perception of the rivalry.

Obviously the difference in records of the teams over the last four years and their lack of a postseason series in nine years is also part of it, but I think the main thing is the difference in the rosters. Once Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera, Andy Pettitte and David Ortiz retire, what are we supposed to do? Should we just pretend that Robinson Cano and Dustin Pedroia hate each other? Johnny Gomes and Mike Napoli have no history in the rivalry other than their disgusting beards and overall lack of hygiene and being slobs, I don’t fear John Lackey or Ryan Dempster and actually enjoy when they pitch against the Yankees and Jon Lester hasn’t been good since 2011 and hasn’t been really good since 2010. Who am I supposed to get angry about?!?! I guess I can manufacture some anger toward Stephen Drew for being related to J.D. Drew the same way I have for Jered Weaver, but that’s all I got. Any suggestions?

Hurley: Yeah, no, things are bleak in the rivalry department. You make good points about the slobbery of some Red Sox, but gone too are the days of absolute jerks like Gary Sheffield or Raul Mondesi or that psycho Tanyon Sturtze or Roger Clemens in his, um, bigger and stronger days but according to the government not his steroid days. It was just so easy back then. You had old men charging professional athletes and getting tossed aside and bouncing around like a Weeble who has somehow managed to fall down. Those were good days.

Now? Everyone in Boston came around on Jeter probably after 2007, when enough Red Sox fans were satisfied with two championships to finally accept Jeter’s greatness. A-Rod is a stooge but even New York doesn’t like him anymore. Cano hits bombs, drops his bat so that it lands flat without bouncing, and then moonwalks his way to first base. If that upsets you, you’re a strange fellow. Curtis Granderson is baseball’s good guy. Brett Gardner is like a faster, less, um, big, version of Trot Nixon. CC is fading away, Phil Hughes is terrible, and if you’re rooting against Mariano this year, you should be checked into an institution.

So yeah, the rivalry is dormant, but it’s not dead. You must know this about me by now, but when I was a kid, like maybe 8 or 9 years old, I bought a Yankees hat for $5 on the street outside Fenway. I don’t know why. I didn’t like the Yankees. But it was somehow acceptable to not just sell a Yankees hat outside Fenway, but to wear it too, and nobody seemed to care. That would have been unfathomable from 1999-2009. So it’s just a down period. It will be back. I hope. It’s hard to have a real rivalry with Tampa Bay, when half of the Rays’ stadium is full of Red Sox fans.

Keefe: The last time these two teams met the Yankees lost two of three games right after the All-Star break, including the Sunday Night Baseball disaster, which they had plenty of opportunities to win. This is the last time the teams will meet until after Labor Day and on the same day of the first game of the NFL season, which I’m sure you have a countdown calendar or clock somewhere on your desk or in your house. And if I know you, you have spent a good 30-40 hours on fantasy football draft preparation.

Starting on Friday, the Yankees and Red Sox will meet nine more times this season and six of those games will be at Fenway Park. I think it’s going to take at least six wins from the Yankees in those nine games to have a chance at coming back in the division or to make a run at the wild card. And with Phil Hughes having pitched on Sunday in the Bronx, and losing his 12th game of the season in the process, he won’t be starting during the weekend series, so we’re already off to a good start.

I’m going to take the Yankees for two out of three this weekend because they have to if they want to play a 163rd game this season. The next time we do an email exchange it will be September. Let’s hope the games mean something, so the exchange means something.

Hurley: I hate it. It’s the worst. I like real football.

With regard to this series, I won’t pretend to know what’s going to happen. From a Yankees perspective, you have to like getting Doubront, Dempster and Lackey … but do you really? They might all be better than Peavy and Lester this year, so who knows. I do know the Yankees are due to pick up some wins, considering they’re 3-6 vs. Boston this year and, as previously mentioned, they are preternaturally controlled by a higher power to split the season series. So you’re probably right about that.

From a Red Sox perspective, well, it’s a good thing Adrian Gonzalez isn’t around anymore. The Sox and Yankees play on Sunday Night Baseball. Last time that happened, it was midnight at the end of nine innings and it was something like 1:15 a.m. when Napoli hit that walk-off homer (somehow the place was still full, which was incredible), so you know this one’s going late again. Then the Red Sox have to fly all the way to San Francisco to play on Monday. Adrian would be getting cold sweats just thinking about that schedule, but that’s the difference between the Red Sox of old and the Red Sox of this year.

And to your last statement, if you think these exchanges ever mean anything, then you’re crazier than I ever thought.

Blogs • Email Exchanges • Yankees

Jul 19, 2013

Yankees-Red Sox Rivalry Back in Boston

The first meaningful Yankees-Red Sox series in Boston in over a year calls for an email exchange with Mike Hurley.

It’s July 19 and the Yankees are in Boston for the first time this season for Games 96, 97 and 98. So good job, MLB schedulers! You nailed this one!

But it’s not only the first time the Yankees are in Boston for the first time this season, it’s all the first time a Yankees-Red Sox series in Boston has meant something since July 2012 and you can argue it’s been longer than that. And with a Yankees-Red Sox series comes the mandatory email exchange with Mike Hurley from CBS Boston.

Keefe: Is that you? Is that really you, Mike Hurley? (Or Michael F. Hurley as your Twitter handle suggests.) It’s been a while. Actually it’s been a really long time. It’s been two months to the day since we last did one of these. Back then the Rangers and Bruins were about to start their Eastern Conference semifinals series, the Knicks were about to play Game 5 against the Pacers and the Yankees had a one-game lead in the AL East. Since then, the Rangers were embarrassed by the Bruins in five games, the Knicks were eliminated two nights later and the Yankees are now six games out of first place in the AL East. So things have been going great over the last 61 days! Thanks for asking!

But I’m not emailing you to rehash what happened to the Rangers against the Bruins and I’m certainly not emailing you to talk about basketball. That leaves us with baseball where the Makeshift Yankees have put together a run to be proud of when you consider Lyle Overbay, Vernon Wells, Travis Hafner, Luis Cruz, Alberto Gonzalez, Chris Stewart, Austin Romine, Zoilo Almonte.

This winter, even without A-Rod, it looked like the Yankees lineup would look something like this:

Derek Jeter, SS
Ichiro Suzuki, RF
Robinson Cano, 2B
Mark Teixeira, 1B
Curtis Granderson, LF
Kevin Youkilis, 3B
Travis Hafner, DH
Francisco Cervelli,
Brett Gardner, CF

But that has been the lineup for zero games this season. Instead here is a list of the players that have the most plate appearances for each position:

C – Chris Stewart
1B – Lyle Overbay
2B – Robinson Cano
3B – David Adams
SS – Jayson Nix
LF – Vernon Wells
CF – Brett Gardner
RF – Ichiro Suzuki
DH – Travis Hafner

And here are the other players that have gotten at least one at-bat with the Yankees:

Brennan Boesch, Ben Francisco, Luis Cruz, Reid Brignac, Chris Nelson, Alberto Gonzalez, Thomas Neal, Corban Joseph and Travis Ishikawa.

I didn’t even put Eduardo Nunez, Zoilo Almonte or Austin Romine on that list because they represent the top-tier of Makeshift Yankees.

But don’t worry, I’m doing fine! Everything’s going well!

How’s your summer?

Hurley: Hey, Thomas Neal is a friend of mine, good guy, we used to work the Saturday night shift at the liquor store down the street. I’m glad to see he made the Yankees this year. Good for him.

My summer? My summer is confusing. I didn’t think the Red Sox were going to be terrible this year, but I definitely didn’t expect them to sit 58-39 at the all-star break, looking like a legitimate playoff team. In April, I hardly gave it much attention, figuring they’d level out at some point. Yet they rebounded from a .500 May to maintain their spot in first place for months. It makes no sense, really.

Consider that through 97 games, the Red Sox have 58 wins. Through the same number of games in 2007, when they were the best team in baseball, they had the exact same record — 58-39. Um, huh?

It’s been pretty impressive, and frankly it’s giving this summer an unexpected boost. I was sort of anticipating a mediocre Red Sox team playing out the string, waiting for a decent but not great Patriots team to kick off their season in September. Instead, thinking about the playoffs is something that non-crazy people are allowed to do. And, the general population still hasn’t caught on, so tickets are still easy to come by for most games. Pretty cool if you ask me.

Hold on, I’ll be right back. Corban Joseph just showed up at my door with my pizza.

Keefe: I hope you tipped him well.

In the offseason, we laughed about the Red Sox rotation after Jon Lester citing Ryan Dempster pitching in the AL, Clay Buchholz’s constant injuries and decline in results over the last few seasons, John Lackey’s awfulness and Felix Doubront being in experienced.

Despite the Red Sox’ record, we weren’t that far off.

Jon Lester hasn’t been good (and hasn’t been since pre-2011 collapse). Ryan Dempster has pitched the way everyone thought “Ryan Dempster in the AL” would pitch. Clay Buchholz got off to an All-Star start, but hasn’t started since June 8. That leaves us with John Lackey, who is having his best season since 2007 and has actually been better than that and Felix Doubront, who has been much better than last year, but hasn’t been anything special.

So if we weren’t that far off, how are the Red Sox in first place in the best division in baseball?

Hurley: Despite you saying so (based on nothing except for your desire to just say it), we actually were pretty far off.

If you can have just five guys make most of your starts, it means you’re in a pretty good spot. And the Red Sox have gotten 86 percent of their starts from those five guys. Buchholz was exceptional for two months, and John Lackey has defied all odds by losing 300 pounds and pitching well, but the rotation as a whole has just simply been consistent and better than you want to give them credit for. The starters’ 3.82 ERA is the second-best mark in the AL, and they’ve gotten 582.1 innings out of their starters, just 3.1 innings fewer than league-leading Detroit. Boston’s starters are second in the AL in strikeouts, too, with Dempster — Dempster! — leading the way with 104 and Lester just behind with 103.

I get your confusion, because when you look at the guys individually, it doesn’t look good. Lester is 8-6 with a 4.58 ERA, Dempster is 5-8 with a 4.24, and Buchholz has joined the witness protection program because — 🙁 — his neck is sore. But collectively, they’ve done the work necessary to keep the Red Sox in just about every game they play. And when you lead all of baseball in runs scored by a huge margin, it always makes the pitching staff look a little bit better.

Keefe: I know that hockey season in Boston just ended like 15 minutes ago and you have a terrible memory anyway, so we’ll let it go, but we did talk about it.

After the magical month that was September 2011, I was treated to the hire of Bobby Valentine and everything that came with the 2012 Boston Red Sox and hoped it would last a lifetime. But here we are at the All-Star break and the Red Sox are right back to where they were in August 2011 thanks to being able to dump their trash on the Dodgers by throwing Snickers wrappers and newspapers and spray painting “The Red Sox were here.” If that trade in August 2012 doesn’t happen, we’re probably still talking about Josh Beckett’s off days and Adrian Gonzalez’s lack of accountability for anything. Instead the Red Sox are in first place and it’s like they got a mulligan for all of their bad decisions and were freed of their clubhouse cancers. It’s bullshit.

Did that trade change the Red Sox back to their pre-September 2011 ways or are guys just performing better after the atrocity that was last season?

Hurley: Are you saying that the Red Sox f’d the Dodgers’ whole a-hole up? That’s a bold call, Larry.

That ridiculously lopsided trade was the most bizarre thing I’ve ever seen. Everyone — locally in L.A. and nationally in places like SportsCenter and Sports Illustrated — rushed to praise the Dodgers for “proving they were committed to winning!” Meanwhile, everyone in Boston was just like, “Wait, for real? What’s the catch? Don’t those people know that Josh Beckett is just the worrrrssssttt???”

But that’s not the only reason the Red Sox are playing so much better. It cannot be overstated how much of a poison Bobby Valentine was to this team. From everything I’ve heard from behind the scenes, the guy was every bit the clown he looked to be publicly and then some. Publicly, we got little snippets of it, like the time he didn’t know whether the opposing starter was a righty or lefty and had to be told by Jarrod Saltalamacchia that the lineup was wrong. Stuff like that was a common occurrence with that goober in charge, and frankly I’m a little surprised the athletic department of Sacred Heart hasn’t completely crumbled yet.

So getting rid of him was huge in that players’ spirits weren’t completely broken down upon their arrival at the ballpark every night. Ben Cherington, who’s still hard to really read or evaluate to this point, also made a few small but key additions. Shane Victorino, much to my surprise, has been pretty awesome filling a spot in the top of the lineup that’s been vacant for years. Mike Napoli signed on for $39 million, only to be told his hip was so bad that he’d only be getting $5 million, and he’s been a pretty solid, reliable addition to the middle of the order, despite all the strikeouts.

Add in Ortiz, Pedroia and Ellsbury all pretty much playing like you’d expect them to, and it’s easy enough to see how it’s all working. The Dodgers, committed to winning, are one game under .500 since taking on all of the Red Sox’ dead weight. Thanks, L.A., you’re the best!

Keefe: Shane Victorino’s playing? And Mike Napoli? And David Ortiz? And Dustin Pedroia? And Jacoby Ellsbury? Wow, that must be nice. I guess you’re feeling the way I would feel if Derek Jeter, Mark Teixeira, Curtis Granderson, Alex Rodriguez, Kevin Youkilis and Francisco Cervelli (yes, Francisco Cervelli) were playing. But they’re not and we’re stuck with the names I gave you earlier.

Things aren’t getting any better either as Derek Jeter will start the second half on the disabled list retroactive to when he injured his quad in his first game back since the Game 1 of the ALCS. But A-Rod is coming back on Monday night in Texas, if he isn’t given a 150-game suspension or banned from the game Pete Rose style, so at least we’re getting back our 38-year-old $29 million singles hitter!

The weird thing is I still believe in the Yankees. Not the Makeshift Yankees. But the real Yankees, when and if they ever come back. I think it’s a miracle this team has the record it does and is in the position its in despite having everyone short of you playing for them this season.

If I believe in the 51-44 Yankees who are six games back in the division then you must really believe in the Red Sox for the first time in 23 months. Do you believe in the Red Sox or do you miss the days of 2012 when Bobby Valentine was being praised for building a fence, fans were wearing paper bags over their heads and tickets to Fenway Park cost less than a single T Fare?

Hurley: It’s weird here. On the one hand, seeing this team compete like this has been a pretty fun, refreshing change of pace. Don’t get me wrong, last year was hilarious, and it was fun to watch, but only in the way watching awful reality television is entertaining. (Speaking of which, I can’t believe Bob Valentine doesn’t have his own reality show.) This year’s team has done enough to prove to me that they’re for real.

The problem with the Red Sox is, like you, I’m not counting out the Yankees, and you can’t count out the Orioles or the Rays. All of this positivity for the Red Sox could end up leaving them at the end of the season with the same playoff prospects as last year. It’s a pretty ridiculous race in the AL East right now, but hey, thank goodness some crappy team from the NL West will by default be given a free pass to the divisional round while a much more qualified team in the AL East (or perhaps two teams) will be forced to put its season on the line in a three-hour exhibition that will wipe out the work done over the previous six months! Wahoo!

With the reality of a one-game playoff, how can you ever feel good about your team’s chances when it’s involved in a tight divisional race? An idiot umpire could botch an infield-fly call and allow a team that won six fewer games than you to advance to the divisional round while you go home for the winter.

I guess my point is that baseball is stupid.

Keefe: You still haven’t come around on the one-game playoff? OK, good because I haven’t either and I never will. But don’t forget what everyone says: Just win your division! It’s that easy!

I guess my optimism for the Yankees comes from the fact they still play the Red Sox 12 times, the Rays nine times and the Orioles seven times. And let’s not forget the Yankees have three games with the Padres and close the season with a three-game series in Houston. So if the season comes down to the final weekend, I will feel good knowing that the Yankees will play the Astros, but I will be worried about my emotional state if the Astros keep the Yankees out of the playoffs. Let’s hope the season doesn’t come down to the final three games.

As for this weekend, we get Andy Pettitte-Felix Doubront, Hiroki Kuroda-John Lackey and CC Sabathia-Jon Lester. So that means the Pettitte-Doubront game will be the 2-1 pitching duel and the Sunday Night Baseball matchup will be the 14-12, six-hour affair that leaves you owing all of next weekend to your wife for staying up until 2 a.m. to watch baseball on Sunday night and being too tired to do anything on Monday after work.

The Yankees are still very much alive, but they need to start putting together series wins like they did in April and May. What better place to start doing that than this weekend in Boston?

Hurley: D will be asleep before first pitch, because she’s better at life than you and I.

This is a fun series, though. For the first time in a while, I’m really excited about a series in Boston. I kind of feel like baseball’s back, though I do have this sort of guarded position. When things were as bad as they were last year, it still feels like this whole “winning” thing is a mirage. At the same time, if the Red Sox sweep the Yankees this weekend and crush your soul, I might be fully on board.

Blogs • Email Exchanges • Yankees

Jun 18, 2013

A Series of Firsts for Don Mattingly’s Dodgers

The Dodgers are in the Bronx for a two-game series, presenting a lot of firsts at Yankee Stadium, including one with this email exchange with Brittni Michaelis.

The Dodgers are in the Bronx for the first time since 1981 and for the first time since interleague play began and Don Mattingly is at Yankee Stadium in the visiting dugout for the first time. So I figured, let’s keep it going with things happening for the first time. What does that mean? An email exchange with a girl and my girlfriend: Dodger fan Brittni Michaelis.

Keefe: Your Kings couldn’t defend the Cup. Your Lakers were an atrocity. The Vikings quarterback is Christian Ponder. But when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, your $216 million Dodgers are 29-39 and in last place in the NL West. Last place! In the NL West! Again, that’s … Last place! In the NL West! Even Christian Ponder can chime in and say something sucks when it comes to the Dodgers.

Maybe you’ll blame the ownership group for trading for and putting their faith in players who didn’t pan out in Boston and blamed God for losses (Adrian Gonzalez) or wore out their welcome in Boston (Josh Beckett) or got fat (Josh Beckett) or stopped caring about baseball because they had a kid (Josh Beckett) or spend time on the disabled list with mysterious injuries (Josh Beckett) or former stars that even the Marlins didn’t want (Hanley Ramirez) or a $142 million outfielder who broke down like a dumped Bachelor contestant when asked about the media treatment in Boston (Carl Crawford). Maybe you’ll blame Ned Colletti for being the general manager during the time when all of these moves took place. But if you’re going to blame injuries then you came to the wrong place because the Yankees have watched Derek Jeter, Mark Teixeira, Curtis Granderson, Alex Rodriguez, Francisco Cervelli, Kevin Youkilis, Andy Pettitte and Joba Chamberlain all spend time on the disabled list this season.

So if I were to ask you why the Dodgers are 7 ½ games back in the NL West or why they are five games worse than the Padres or why they only have three more wins than the Houston Astros, how would you answer? Actually I’m going to ask you that. Why are the Dodgers so bad and who is to blame?

Michaelis: Well, hello to you too, pal. Thanks for coming out swinging. While you make valid points about the Lakers and Vikings, I refuse to get rattled by you. I refuse.

Despite your ever-so charming wittiness and sarcasm, this Dodgers team is no different from the ones in the past. The issue with this team isn’t the ownership group, injuries or individual players.

Sure, Josh Beckett sucks (0-5 with a 5.19 ERA) and would rather be drinking beers, eating fried chicken and surfing off the coast of Malibu, but can you really blame him? Before he experienced “hand-numbness” and was subsequently put on the disabled list, his last three starts weren’t terrible for him (0-2, 13 IP, 17 H, 12 R, 9 ER, 7 BB, 16 K). But his career might be over because of numbness in his pitching hand, so give the guy a break.

I realize you dislike Gonzalez almost as much as I dislike Jason Schmidt (even the mention of his name makes me angry), but Gonzalez is the only reason why we aren’t 20 games under .500. His stats this season? .303/8/44 with 71 hits. He has a better average (.308), more RBIs (44) and a better OBP (.365) than any Yankee. I’m sure you’re thinking, “Well that’s because the Yankees play in a better division and how can he only have 8 homeruns in the NL West?” But I can’t control what division the Dodgers are in, just like I can’t control the air conditioning on the Metro North.

The issue isn’t one player, the issue is the whole damn team. The lack of chemistry, the lack of consistency and most importantly, the bullpen are the reasons why the Dodgers are 10 games below .500. That bullpen is the death of me. It will be the reason why I have gray hairs before the age of 24. It doesn’t matter what our starting rotation does, the slobs in the bullpen can’t do their job. This happens EVERY year.

You know how in Step Brothers, Dale (Will Ferrell) and Brendan (John C. Reilly) interview for jobs with Seth Rogen’s company and they have it in the bag until Dale screws up and farts? That’s like the Dodgers bullpen. The Dodgers lead the league with 15 blown saves. Their closer, Brandon League, has a 5.54 ERA, has put 41 runners on base in 26 innings and has a .308 batting average against. (Where is Hideo Nomo when you need him?) If Andy Pettitte can still pitch at age 41 then Nomo needs to come out of retirement at the age of 44. Come out, come out, wherever you are, Nomo.

Keefe: I’m embarrassed. For someone who is supposed to be an expert on all things anti-Josh Beckett, I can’t believe I forgot about his surfing/body surfing/boogie boarding trip in Malibu with his gut flopping around in the Pacific Ocean. My apologies.

But your response made me realize two things:

1. I miss being able to talk about people like Josh Beckett, Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford now that they are in the NL West and out of my life.

2. It’s funny how naive you are about the entitled frauds that wear your favorite’s team uniform.

I’m not sure how you or anyone could feel bad for Josh Beckett. Beckett is making $15.75 million this season. So if he made 30 starts, which he has only made once since 2010 and twice since 2008, he would make $1 million per start. But he hasn’t started since May 13 and won’t come close to 30 this season, so do the math. He’s stealing money just like your hero Jason Schmidt did from the Dodgers. Sure, Schmidt only started 10 games (3-6, 6.02 ERA) for the Dodgers in three years after signing a three-year, $47 million deal, but his time on the disabled list likely helped the Dodgers.

I can’t tell you how good it makes me feel to see Beckett have no wins, a 5.19 ERA, a 1.500 WHIP and have grown a third and fourth chin since arriving in Los Angeles. The only bad part is I wish he was doing this in Boston because the media and fans there would have destroyed him while in Los Angeles people feel bad for him.

(Here’s the winless Beckett in 2012 talking about missing a start with a back problem, but being seen on a golf course during the time when he was out of the Red Sox rotation. What a guy!)

As for Adrian Gonzalez, let’s take a trip down memory lane. Here’s what your awesome No. 3 hitter had to say following Game 162 in 2011 after the worst regular-season collapse in Major League Baseball history.

“We didn’t do a better job with the lead. I’m a firm believer that God has a plan and it wasn’t in his plan for us to move forward.”

“God didn’t have it in the cards for us.”

“We play too many night games on getaway days and get into places at 4 in the morning. This has been my toughest season physical because of that. We play a lot of night games on Sunday for television and those things take a lot out of you.”

“They can put the Padres on ESPN, too. The schedule really hurt us. Nobody is really reporting that.”

Poor, Adrian Gonzalez. He has to play baseball for $21 million a year and it’s really hard and demanding. It’s not his fault that his teams, whether it be the Padres or Red Sox or Dodgers, have collapsed down the stretch with him as the focal point of their offenses. Why would it be his fault? And why should he be held accountable?

I just can’t wait for the Dodgers to get the “x” next to their name in the standings for being mathematically eliminated and then when Gonzalez is asked about it, hopefully he blames God for the Dodgers’ failures. I’m sure you will appreciate him then too.

Even if the Dodgers’ problems are team-wide like you believe they are, I believe they stem from the “people” they brought in to play for them. Sometimes we all forget that baseball is more numbers and like a wise man once said, “The game has a heartbeat.” And the Dodgers’ heart could use a triple bypass followed by a strict diet.

The sad thing is Don Mattingly will end up taking the fall for this even though the ownership group and Colletti gave him the wrong pieces. How about the Dodgers fire Mattingly and Donnie Baseball comes back to the Bronx and your Dodgers get a new manager? I like that idea.

Michaelis: I’m sure your just fine without the trio of Beckett, Gonzalez and Crawford in the AL East. Remember you still have Brian Boyle, Mark Teixeira, and Boone Logan (LOL). I’m sure those three are providing you with plenty to talk about. Actually based on your Twitter account, I would say you’re faring just fine without the Dodgers trio.

It’s 2013. I don’t care what Adrian Gonzalez did or said in 2011. The Red Sox collapsed, the Yankees didn’t win the World Series and the Dodgers didn’t even make the playoffs, so what is notable about 2011? Time to move on. I’m talking about the 2013 Adrian Gonzalez. You want to rip him for complaining in 2011 then go ahead, but he’s producing and isn’t the problem.

You can’t buy chemistry. Just look at the team across the way from Chavez Ravine. The Los Angeles Angels (or really the Anaheim Angels) tried to do exactly what the Dodgers are and they are failing. It’s a team-wide problem, guys aren’t producing, and the bullpen … I don’t even have a word for it. The bullpen is a grade A disaster.

A wise fellow once said, “Pitching wins championships” and that’s one thing the Dodgers don’t have. Clayton Kershaw can’t pitch 162 games. If he could, the Dodgers would be undefeated. His supporting cast has been laughable and there isn’t much Adrian Gonzalez, Donnie Baseball, Matt Kemp or hitting coach Mark McGwire can do about that.

I would happily pay Josh Beckett to stay away. Ride the bench, eat all the KFC you want, hang 10 on your long board at Trestles Beach. What’s another $15.75 million? Like you said, Ned Colletti already threw away $47 million when he signed Jason Schmidt in 2007 and he only pitched 10 games for the Dodgers! Easily the best pick-up of 2007.

Since Schmidt didn’t work out and Ted Lilly and Chad Billingsley are both on the DL (such daggers) the Dodgers starting pitching has been a merry-go-round and really the only three consistent pitchers have been Kershaw, Zack Greinke and Hyun-Jin Ryu. The Dodgers starters look like this.

1. Clayton Kershaw (5-4, 1.84 ERA)

2. Zack Greinke (3-2, 4.22 ERA)

3. Hyun-Jin Ryu (6-2, 2.85 ERA)

4. Stephen Fife (1-2, 3.74 ERA)

5. Chris Capuano (1-4, 5.45 ERA)

6. Matt Magill (0-2, 6.51 ERA)

Ready for the bullpen breakdown? Pull up a chair because you might want to sit down for this one.

Kenley Jansen (2.57 ERA)

Paco Rodriguez (3.38 ERA)

Matt Guerrier (3.58 ERA)

Ronald Belisario (4.78 ERA)

Brandon League (5.54 ERA)

Our closer has a 5.54 ERA. A 5.54 ERA. Brandon League hit the jackpot because of Colletti’s stupidity and signed a three-year, $22.5 million deal last year. How does he still have a job? How do either of them still have a job?

Again, the issue isn’t the Boston trio who came to L.A., the issue is that the Dodgers go after players past their prime and expect them to produce the way they did in the past. (Think Nomar Garciaparra, Andruw Jones and Manny Ramirez.) The Dodgers only bright spots are Kershaw, Kemp (when healthy), Gonzalez and Yasiel Puig. If they signed up for a Wiffle ball tournament they would be untouchable. Unfortunately baseball requires nine players.

The Dodgers don’t need triple-bypass surgery, they need a detox. It’s funny hearing this from you, the guy who only likes pasta, pizza and chicken. Maybe you and the Dodgers can sign up for Equinox together? I’m sure they can find the funds somewhere.

Keefe: I’m not sure the Dodgers can afford a monthly membership at Equinox even after getting more than $6 billion in their TV deal. Where are they getting that money? Who is watching them? Do people in Los Angeles even like sports? And if they do, do they like watching a last-place team?

On your point about Kershaw pitching 162 games and being undefeated, well that’s a little farfetched. Kershaw is 5-4 in 15 starts and one of those wins came in a complete-game shutout on Opening Day when he won 1-0 on his own solo home run. So no the Dodgers wouldn’t be undefeated if Kershaw pitched all 162 games. But if he pitched for a team that could actually score runs, then yes that team would probably be undefeated or close to it since the Dodgers average 3.02 runs in games Kershaw starts. Where is the Dodgers’ savior Adrian Gonzalez when Kershaw starts? (I can’t wait for the Dodgers to make a run at the NL West and Gonzalez to show you why he’s an empty-calorie guy as he crumbles in September.)

As for the next two games at Yankee Stadium, Hyun-Jin Ryu scares me because the Yankees have never seen him before and the Yankees are 0-379 in my lifetime when facing a starter they have never seen before. But Hiroki Kuroda gets a chance to go against his former team and when you have a 2.78 ERA in the AL like he does, that usually will translate into good things against an offensively-challenged team like the Dodgers. I like the Yankees in the first game.

In the second game, the bad news is Phil Hughes, who I have zero faith in and who shouldn’t even be a starting pitcher, and who is in his final months being a Yankee and I can’t wait until he is a free agent, is pitching. The good news is he is going against Chris Capuano, proud owner of a 2-6 record and 5.45 ERA. This game could be an offensive gongshow for two teams who have trouble scoring even one run. If Hughes doesn’t lay an A.J. Burnett egg and can keep it close and the Yankees can get into that awesome bullpen you have then I like our chances.

So yes, I’m predicting a two-game sweep from the Yankees, not only because they need it after that horrific West Coast road trip, but like I already knew and you helped confirm: the Dodgers are a bad team.

Michaelis: Actually the Dodgers are first in attendance this season. We don’t have to deal with the wishy-washy suits that the Yankees have to deal with. People in L.A. will actually go to the game regardless of if we’re in first place or last place.

Kershaw going undefeated is farfetched? The Dodgers wouldn’t be undefeated? And here I thought baseball was an individual sport. Yes, the Dodgers need to score runs, they are 29th in runs scored, but again it’s the pitching. The Dodgers have scored 240 runs, but have allowed 289 runs for a -49 run differential. I’m no mathematician, but I’m pretty sure the equation is if you score more runs than you allow, you will win and if you allow less runs than you score, you will win! The Dodgers lineup isn’t producing, but you can’t really blame Gonzalez. No one’s calling him the Dodgers’ savior, but he isn’t the reason we are sitting in last place in the NL West. He is certainly a step up from James Loney.

You know it’s karma. I laughed at you when you said that the Yankees were good, but even you didn’t think they were going to do this well. You wanted them to be .500 when Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez and Mark Teixeira returned, but they’re even better than that with Jeter and A-Rod not back yet and Teixeira returning to the DL. (I hope his wrist is OK.)

From the first chuckle I knew it would come back to bite me in the ass and it did. Or I could blame the Dodgers’ current woes on my lack of team spirit. I haven’t worn my Dodgers socks in a while…

This two-game short lived series should be good. The Dodgers have nothing to lose really, they are 7 1/2 games back and every Dodger fan knows they don’t turn it on until end of August or beginning of September. But the Yankees can’t afford a two-game sweep and possibly be five games back of … the Red Sox! Yikes.

Kuroda’s last five starts have all resulted in losses since apparently the Yankees can’t hit either.But the Dodgers got the luck of the draw in facing Hughes. I’m hoping he has another outing like the one against the Mariners back on May 15 (0.2 IP, 7 ER). JUST ONE TIME, PLEASE! Puig will also be a factor in the series and it will be my first time witnessing the Cuban sensation that Vin Scully loves to watch. Also the Yankees are batting someone named Thomas Neal in the 5-spot so that should be fun.

If Capuano is pitching the series will be split, no matter what the Dodgers do and if suddenly they realize they can swing the bat and hit the ball, Capuano will give up runs and lots of them.

I’m excited to watch my beloved Doyers in the bleachers. I hope Bald Vinny and his crew are nice to me. Donnie Baseball ‘s return to Yankee Stadium should be a great momentous event to help set the stage. Maybe this will be the turning point for the Dodgers? Steal two wins in the Bronx?

I should have made the bet that whoever wins this series gets a free months rent. Things are going to get heated, I can feel it. In the words of the great Vin Scully, “It’s time for Dodger baseball!”