My Super Bowl LIV Dilemma

The guide to rooting for the NFL playoffs

Someone will win Super Bowl LIV, but it won’t be the Giants. Unfortunately, this blog is becoming an annual thing because of the Giants’ inability to reach the postseason.

Here’s the list of playoff teams in order of who I want to see win the Super Bowl to who I don’t want to see win the Super Bowl.

1. Vikings
Do I want Kirk Cousins to be a champion? No. But I do want my wife to be happy and since her Dodgers aren’t going to win the World Series anytime soon now that the Yankees have the best rotation and bullpen in baseball, she should at least have her football team win a championship. Unfortunately, the Vikings’ inability to win within their division cost them the NFC North title and a home playoff game, and they will open the postseason in New Orleans in the Superdome, which has once again become the worst place for any opposing team to play. Sorry, Brittni, but your NFL postseason is going to last one week.

2. Titans
The Titans only getting five points in a playoff game in New England is ridiculous. This isn’t Patrick Mahomes or Lamar Jackson playing outside in the cold in January. It’s Ryan Tannehill. I don’t care about what he’s done this season in taking over the starting job from Marcus Mariota or him finally realizing his potential as a former franchise quarterback. Hey, I want nothing more than for the Titans to upset the Patriots and knock them out of the playoffs as quickly as possible, but I’m a realist, and it’s going to take an actual miracle for that to happen.

3. Bills
I think the Bills can win this weekend in Houston. But then they will have to win at either Baltimore or Kansas City and then most likely at whichever of those two teams they don’t play in the divisional round. The Bills are a nice story, and easy to root for, but trying to win three road games just to get to the Super Bowl is way too much to ask of this Bills team.

4. Texans
The Texans aren’t going to win the Super Bowl. To me, it’s the Texans and the Bills who have the lowest odds of winning a championship, even if the Vikings have the hardest first-round matchup. If the Texans beat the Bills, they’re most likely going to have to go to Kansas City, and if they were to win there, they would win then most likely have to win at either Baltimore or New England. That’s not happening.

5. Chiefs
If the Chiefs win the Super Bowl, it means the Patriots didn’t.

6. Ravens
Last postseason, I bet on the Ravens to beat the Chargers. I still have no idea how John Harbaugh sat there and let a winnable postseason game fade away as Joe Flacco stood on the sideline while Lamar Jackson couldn’t register a first down. I also have no idea Jackson went from the quarterback in that game to the one who is now the league MVP. But as has always been the case with the Ravens, unless they are playing the Patriots, I don’t want to see them win.

7. Packers
Until the Patriots are eliminated, I need NFC teams in the playoffs that can beat them should they reach the Super Bowl. The Packers needed a time-expiring field goal to beat the David Blough Lions with a first-round bye on the line in Week 17, and needed a time-expiring field goal to beat the Lions in their first game of the season. I don’t care what the Packers’ record is, if the Patriots do their usual playoff thing, I can’t have the Packers as the last line of defense to prevent another Patriots championship.

8. Saints
Last season, in this blog, I wrote this about the Saints:

I will be rooting for the Saints on Super Bowl Sunday when they play the Patriots in Atlanta. I don’t want to root for Drew Brees to win another championship after he single-handedly depleted my bank account over the last few weeks, but I’m going to have to. The Superdome Saints aren’t going to lose in the NFC playoffs and then it’s off to Atlanta, another dome for the Saints to hopefully prevent the Patriots from winning another championship.

After blowing an early 13-0 lead in the NFC Championship Game, the Saints got screwed over on the non-pass interference call which changed league rules and then lost in overtime on a Drew Brees interception. The Saints’ loss cost me a two-team parlay with the Patriots that day and the Saints’ loss gave the Patriots a sixth Super Bowl win after getting to play the inferior Rams. The only reason the Saints aren’t lower on this list is because there are much worse options to win the Super Bowl.

9. 49ers
When the Falcons blew a 28-3 third-quarter lead to the Patriots in Super Bowl LI, it was 49ers head coach Kyle Shanahan calling the playoffs that led to turnovers and three-and-outs as the Falcons completely abandoned the run. Had the Falcons just run the ball for no gain and then punted on fourth down with the 25-point lead, they would have won the game. Shanahan deserves to never experience a Super Bowl win as a head coach after that.

10. Seahawks
I will never get over what Pete Carroll did in Super Bowl XLIX. Never. I will also never root for him unless I absolutely have to because of it. And the only way I will have to is if there’s a Super Bowl XLIX rematch.

11. Eagles
I never thought I would root for the Eagles, let alone with a Super Bowl on the line, but playing the Patriots will do that. But one championship is enough for the Eagles and their fans. There’s only way I’m rooting for the Eagles, and it’s if there’s a Super Bowl LII rematch.

12. Patriots
My hatred for the Patriots forced me to root for the Giants’ No. 1 rival in the Eagles in the Super Bowl. If I’m willing to root for the Eagles to win a championship, I’m willing to root for anyone other than the Patriots to win the Super Bowl.